Broken
by KellyShepard087
Summary: Sometimes a thing gets broke, can't be fixed. And sometimes it takes a will of steel, and a stubborn streak beyond the capacity of what the human body was made to endure, to pick one's self up and go on.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: All is property of Bioware, and not me.

Author's Note: This is my idea of Post ME3, this is my Shepard dealing with PTSD and Survivor's Guilt. Because I think the emotional baggage Shepard must have at this point is phenomenal. It will delve into her past. But for any recovery to be whole, one has to return to their roots and begin the healing where the trauma began.

I write on the assumption that the reader has at least played the games. I do not go out of my way to explain the universe of Mass Effect and I make absolutely no apologies for spoilers. If you haven't yet, play the games first. Otherwise…enter at your own risk.

~~~~~THIS IS NOT AN ME3 ENDING REWRITE~~~~~~

Character Bio/Background: Kelandra Mae Shepard, Colony born, Sole survivor, Engineer. ME1 Half Paragon/Half Renegade, ME2 Full Paragon, ME3 Full Paragon with Renegade tendencies. Romanced Liara all three games.

Summary: Sometimes a thing gets broke, can't be fixed. And sometimes it takes a will of steel, and a stubborn streak beyond the capacity of what the human body was made to endure, to pick one's self up and go on.

Chapter one

It's not just about surviving the next mission anymore. It's not just about fighting for the safety and survival of her friends. It's all she's ever done. Fought. Fought to live. Fought to kill. Fought to survive. But when she looks down at the sleeping form of angelic blue figure tangled innocently in her sheets. A new thought enters her mind. Survival isn't enough anymore. Safety isn't enough anymore. Now she must fight for a future. For herself. For her bondmate. For all those little blue children she promised. Fight for life. Life and love go on.

But her mind wonders why? Why does she continue to live when surrounded by so much death. The death of her friends. Her family. Her comrades in arms. Each beat of her heart marks a death, and each has a name. Ashley. Wrex. Mordin. Thane. Anderson. Her Mother and Father. Her friends, family on Mindoir. Those she couldn't save on Akuze.

Something foreboding, imminent, unchangeable plagues her nights. Keeping her awake, unrelenting to let her sleep. The Collectors are dead. The Geth at peace with the Quarians. The Reapers destroyed. All she's fought for is done. Then why this sense of things left undone? Of life coming to a close?

Why do Life and Love go on?

She looks down at Liara, amused by her beauty and innocence. Even at one hundred and nine years. To the Asari, that's barely out of Maidenhood. It's no wonder she still has a small trace of innocence left to her.

"I will always love you." She leans down and kisses Liara's forehead. She slowly, gently eases out from under Liara's arms, and slides out of bed. Sitting on the edge of the bed she pulls on her black panties and navy cargo pants, and begins to lace her boots up. Standing she looks around for her bra. It's amazing how one moment they were discussing the past and the next a tornado of passion was released upon her cabin. Even her model ships, that she prized and meticulously placed in their case, had been knocked around. The sliding door to the head was off kilter and slightly off its hinges. And there, lying in a puddle of water escaping from the shower was her bra. Hopelessly soaked.

Groaning she carefully goes to her foot locker and digs around for a sports bra. She usually has one on. But knowing that Liara was coming. Shepard decided to have a little fun and wear the dress that was gifted to her from Kasumi. Which involved wearing a dress bra instead of her normal sports bra. It also involved heels. Which Shepard forgets about until as she turns away from the locker with a tank top in hand, she trips over one of the black stilettos. For being the hero of the Citadel, and the Destroyer of the Collectors, Kelly Shepard has all the grace and dignity of a donkey when it comes to clumsy moments. She also swears worse than any sailor known to history.

Swearing profusely and laying tumbled along the deck and half up the few short steps to her desk, she forgets to keep quiet and let Liara sleep. A soft blue glow permeates the darkness revealing Shepard lying on the stairs and illuminating Liara sitting up in bed, the sheet tucked close to her chest.

"Where are you going? What happened?" She climbs from the bed, a creature of boundless grace and beauty. Shepard is reminded of Greek Goddesses from ancient history in the way the sheet drapes from Liara's hands to flow behind her in a mesmerizing train.

"I didn't want to wake you. I was going to the armory. You know, to clean my guns, oil my armor. You know, stuff." Shepard's attempt at nonchalance is not working on Liara, and she sees straight through it.

"You couldn't sleep again, could you?" Coming over Liara helps her to stand. "Was it another nightmare?"

"No." Shepard says straightening her tank and grabbing her Navy Working Uniform blouse hanging on the back of her chair. "I just couldn't fall asleep. I was hoping a few practice bouts with Vega would clear my head."

Liara's expression darkens, "The last time you had a 'practice bout' with Vega you came back with a bloody nose, split lip, and a cut clean through your eyebrow."

"This time I'll remember to duck." Shepard jokes as she buttons her blouse. She pulls Liara in close for a quick passionate kiss. "You fret too much. Go back to sleep." She turns and walks out of the cabin and enters the lift.

Liara watches her go. Knowing that restlessness is not what is wrong with her bondmate. Shepard is hiding something from her. Instinctively she knows this. But how to find out what and get Shepard to open up to her, is a mystery she cannot fathom.

Shepard punches the controls to the armory.

"Shepard," EDI's voice sounds in the lift. "I am still able to respond to verbal commands for the lift."

"Sometimes things need to be punched EDI." Shepard growls.

"More of the things that are human nature?" EDI's voice is inquisitive, "Is there anything I can do for you Shepard?"

"Is James awake in the armory?"

"Yes Shepard. Though it is in my messages that would prefer you not spar with Vega again. Shall I alert him you are coming?"

"Screw Chakwas." The lift slows and stops. The doors open with their nearly inaudible swish.

"Commander." James calls from his little alcove in the cargo area. "Come for another show?"

"Your ears need to be in tune to the scuttlebutt more Vega. Liara and I are, and will always be, together.'

"It never hurts to flirt Shep." James huffs and groans as he pulls reps on the chin bar. "Come for another round of ass whoopin' then?" He drops to the floor and twists his torso side to side to loosen up.

Shepard slides her blouse off again and tightens her boots, ensuring the laces are tucked tightly beneath the blousing straps. Getting tripped up by them once was enough to learn to check. She settles into her stretches.

"I'm getting better at ducking. Plus, surviving the Reapers makes me a lot faster and nimbler than your mass can keep up with."

James laughs as they step out into the middle of the 'dance floor' in truth it's the middle of the cargo hold. "Ever gonna tell me what's keeping you up at night Shep?"

"Have I ever told you Shep is more annoying than Lola was?" Shepard dodges his question by faking a left hook to come in with a right uppercut. James dodges easily, taking a quick jab to her face. Twisting she lets his fist slide by, inches from her nose.

"Can't a girl have a nightly brawl to keep up her strength?" Shepard parries his next jab to her face. Knocking his arms repeatedly away with the sides of hers, keeping his off to the side. One punch after another, forcing him to block and retreat. She is a flurry of movement, giving no quarter for him to attack. Shepard takes advantage of her smaller physique to dodge under his next swing, jabbing three quick, hard punches to his abdomen. The first two bounce off tense muscles as his fists find her back. She allows him two strong blows to her back in order to hit the soft spot just between his core muscles and his sternum. She is rewarded by his gasp for air and then stumbling back.

Thinking she has bested him she comes in for two more quick jabs to his chest again. He quickly grabs her right arm twisting and pinning it to his side as his right fist punches twice into her gut, driving her to her knees.

His hold on her arm keeps her from falling to the ground completely. Instead it causes her to twist painfully as she falls, hanging from his hold. She scissors her legs between his and jerks. Dumping him onto his back. They both get tangled as they go down. Her arm is pinned wrong and she hears the tell tale wet pop as it dislocates.

Biting back a yell, she quickly rolls herself onto his chest, bearing down with all her weight and might on his windpipe. He gasps, chokes and a fleeting look of panic crosses his eyes. His grip slacks and she pulls her arm free, cradling it to her chest. She grins demonically and presses down harder. Her good arm and fist punching any part of him she can find to keep him from removing her leg from his neck. She's done it, beaten him. Won. Her victory is almost complete, his death is imminent. This Reaper monster will not survive to torment her.

She vaguely hears a woman's voice scream her name, before she is lifted bodily from on top of James and suspended in mid air. Paralyzed in a haze of blue. Screaming she claws at the barrier. She can hear the screams of the dying, smell the burning flesh and smoldering ruins that was London. She can see her friends, loved ones. Each burning in blue fire. She can hear the wailing metal grind of the Reapers and she is helpless to stop them. With one last mighty scream, a guttural sound of pure panic, she passes out. Engulfed in blue fire, Harbinger laughing in her head.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

The fire, the screams. She tries to run, to reach them in time to save them. But her legs move so slow, her breath ragged, gasping. She watches the child from Earth, the Reapers' avatar that is seared into her mind, turn to look at her. His eyes full of fear, looking to her for help. Agony tears at her heart as he gets slowly engulfed in flames. Over and over he's done so, she's never been fast enough to save him. He turns to look at her, face dripping melted skin, revealing bone on one half, and a child's face on the other.

"Who will help me now? Why didn't you save me?" his face melts away completely as Shepard falls to the ground, crying in anguish. Shutting her eyes from the horrors and shadows. Only the shadows still haunt her. Their questions linger on. Each time a voice from her past, another person she could not save, asks the questions. Sadness and confusion in their voices.

"Who will help us now? Why didn't you save us?"

Screaming Shepard flings herself face first into the dirt. Only she falls through, tumbling through blackness.

She awakens laying a cold slab, Miranda leaning over her. This isn't real, it's another dream. A memory. From when she awoke that first time at the Cerberus station where they resurrected her. She tries to sit up but Miranda pushes her down, telling her to relax, while she screams for more sedatives to calm Shepard. Then her face twist and contorts. Shepard is viewing the face of pure evil. A twisted synthetic monster, a husk of Miranda. No longer the woman she knew. It speaks, but not with her voice. With the combined voices of Harbinger and Sovereign.

"Do you think you can ever escape us? We are inside you. Always will be. Your destruction of us only opened your mind to us. We are the seed of your destruction and you shall be our newest form. You will be the catalyst to the annihilation of those same races you fought to save. The cycle cannot be broken." Their voice fades. Echoing a last line throughout her whole being. "You will never be free. The cycle cannot be broken."

This time when she screams and wakes. She knows it's real. There is too much physical pain for it not to be. She jerks up from her prone position on the table. Tearing out the tubes and wires sustaining her. They are too much, too synthetic. In a panic she yanks and pulls. Scratching and tearing at her flesh with her left hand, grabbing anything she can reach. She can feel them. Tiny implants beneath the surface of her skin. They are the anchor to the last Reapers. They have to be removed.

"Get them out! Get them off!" she screams, her voice is hoarse, barely a husky rasp. She continues to claw and pull, tearing her own flesh off, oblivious to the pain. Pure panic courses adrenaline through her veins causing a blood lust, blinding her to everything around her.

Hands grab and restrain her. Forcing her back onto the table. There are voices, but they are indistinct. She hears them only as the continued whispers of the dead, and the grating laugh of the Reapers inside her. She heaves and bucks. Using all her impressive strength.

"Let me go! Let me free! I can't do this anymore! I'm not your puppet!" A needle pricks at her left arm, she jerks and the point breaks off. More hands hold her arm down. Forcing it, and her, to hold still as the needle bites again. She screams and writhes in agony, in fury at this loss of control. As the meds slowly work through her system, she slips into blackness. Bit by bit. Each heartbeat carrying more darkness to her senses. The panic eases a bit. Maybe this is the end. If it is death, she will welcome it gladly. A release from this endless torture. But as the blackness engulfs her, she knows the nightmares will return. She begins to hear the whispers again. They can't leave her be. She knows she deserves this pain.

"What are we going to do ?" Liara pleads. Tears still tracing lines down her face. After days of not leaving Shepard's side. is amazed the asari still has tears left to fall. "We can not keep sedating her. There has to be something we can do."

"I'm afraid the demons she fights now are nothing that any of us can relate to. Her best hope is seclusion. Rehabilitation. Even so, I'm afraid that she is too far gone. The Commander we all know may not be in there anymore. And may never will be again." Chakwas walks out of the infirmary shaking her head. Her whole body slack with regret and despair.

Liara leans over Kelly again. Holding her tight as more spasms rock her body. Her eyes doing crazy sporadic dances beneath their lids. Liara wipes a sweat soaked lock of amber red hair away from her brow. She places a kiss at the apex of her brow. There is one thing Liara knows with absolute certainty. Kelly can not go to a facility.

It would shock the Galactic cultures to their core. The unbreakable Commander Shepard, hero of the Citadel twice, Destroyer of the collectors, and Savior from the Reapers. She is unconquerable to the eyes of the galaxy. A hero that overcame all odds. She can't become a broken mental husk, a shadow of the woman she is to the galaxy. She can't.

Laying her head on Kelly's chest, Liara listens to the irregular heartbeat thundering through her bondmate. At first strong and steady, then fast and hammering, then weak, barely beating at all, and then back to steady again. The machines keeping her breathing regular have chafed her lips raw. The sling bound her arm and shoulder in has chafed her shoulder and neck red and raw. The silent screams that rock her body are more fractures and wounds to Liara's heart. Each one reminds her of the wail of the Reaper Banshees. Guttural and making her think of the shrieks and wails of the damned.

She worries that each time Kelly seizes up, each time her body arches impossibly high from the table, that part of her soul leaves. She fears that if, or when, she wakes that there will be nothing left of the woman she loves. She fears that she will wake to a screaming wailing human Reaper banshee. It keeps her awake at night. Keeps her examining every part of Kelly to make sure she is still whole, still human. the fear is all her mind knows. Her love for her bondmate grows more and more intense. Feeling like it could shatter her heart. She doesn't know if she has the strength to watch Kelly die, bit by agonizing bit.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

James Vega looks through the medbay window, watching Liara coon and stroke Commander Shepard's face and arms. She's been in there for days. He rubs at his bruised throat thinking. How did this happen? Why didn't anyone see it coming? How could Shepard, the greatest hero the galaxy has ever know, be reduced to being in a nightmare and drug induced coma?

Sure, she's been restless since the war ended. but what soldier wouldn't be? Especially one like her. She's been a soldier, fighting almost non stop for over three years. You can't just flip a switch and expect her, or any of us for that matter, to stop fighting and rest. Why didn't she say anything? If not to the crew, surely she would have talked to Liara. They've spent every moment together since the war ended.

James turns away from the horrors in the med bay and walks to the port side Observation deck. Inside he sees Garrus sitting at the bar holding a glass of green liquid.

"Its funny." Garrus says swishing the liquid around in the glass, "She knows it's the only liquor I can't drink, and yet she always keeps a bottle out."

"I think she planned to build up a tolerance for it."

Garrus laughs, it sounds almost forced, "Instead she frequently wakes up in the head." Garrus puts the glass down and turns toward James. "How did we not see this coming, Vega?"

"Beats me Vakarian." James goes behind the bar and pulls out two beers. "She was so good at hiding it. She made us all believe she was just restless."

"What bothers me is, we've been through hell and back more times than I care to count. And I never even suspected that she wasn't all right. She always bounced back." Garrus says swigging his beer, "Hell, she died! And she still managed to keep going."

"I'm still lost on that one." James takes a drink then leans on the counter, "How did Cerberus salvage enough of her body when she fell through atmo?"

"You've seen what Cerberus is capable of. Are you really surprised they could bring someone back from the dead?" a hard edge comes into Garrus' voice.

"Whoa, easy Vakarian. Don't get me wrong. I'm glad they brought her back. But surely that's gotta screw with your head. Losing two years of your life?'

"I don't think she had time to think on it. She awoke and was thrown straight into the middle of another shit storm."

"Maybe this war was one too many for her." James stares into his beer bottle. Wishing it had the answers they all seek.

"I wish she'd said something!" Garrus suddenly roars and throws his bottle across the room. It crashes against the door just as it opens to admit Tali.

"I don't think that helps anything Garrus. And it's certainly a waste of good alcohol."

Garrus glares at Tali as he stalks out of the room.

Tali looks to James, "Vega. I take it he's not holding up well?"

"Are any of us?" James doesn't even look up. He hears Tali take a deep sigh

"I suppose not." She sits down in the seat Garrus had. "Does that help any?" She nudges his bottle with her hand.

James shrugs and takes a deep pull from the bottle. "It doesn't hurt any. What brings you up from Engineering, Tali?"

"I wanted to see how Liara was holding up. She won't let anyone in the medbay except . I asked how Shepard was doing and she just shook her head."

"Be glad you're seeing Shep now." James empties his bottle, "When the hysteria started it was like she was possessed. I'll never get the look on her face out of my head. She didn't see anything anymore. Her whole body and face were raw with anger and domination. Primal even." Shaking his head, he stands, throws the bottle away and walks out of the room.

Tali turns to look out the window, wishing the stars could give Shepard solace. Looking up into them, she whispers, "Keelah se'lai, Shepard." Then turns and takes the elevator back down to Engineering. At least down there she feels as if she's doing something useful.

"Joker, I sense that there is something you wish to talk about." EDI says turning her co-pilot chair to face Joker. "Is it about the Commander?"

"I don't want to talk about it EDI." Joker growls, "I'm still trying to reason it out in my head."

"Perhaps I can provide some, what is the term humans use? Enlightenment?"

Joker grins in spite of himself, EDI still hasn't got the full concept of being human. She tries so hard to learn. He knows it's because she wants him to like her more. "Yes. Enlightenment. I don't need any of that, I've got plenty."

"Would you like to tell me about the Commander? Perhaps when you first met? Or some of your favorite memories? I would like to, take your mind off things."

"Thank you EDI." Joker proceeds to tell EDI many stories about Shepard. it does keep his mind off of the present, and lets the tension ease from the bridge.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

Liara wakes from her restless sleep to the swish of the med bay doors. She rounds on them, her biotics ready to throw.

EDI walks in and stands just inside the doors, "I would rather not lose this platform as I have grown attached to it."

Liara turns back to watching Shepard and holds her hand again. "What do you want EDI?"

"Looking through the extranet I found some experimental treatments for this Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. No cases were as severe as Shepard's, but the treatment does have high statistics for success."

Hope dawns inside Liara, "Get it out EDI. What did you find."

"An Asari Mind Meld." EDI says coming the rest of the way to Shepard's bedside. "When performed, especially by a bondmate, it has a seventy five percent chance of success. It is not a cure. More like a treatment plan. It appears to help the patient to cope with reality and is a therapy for the disorder."

Doctor Chakwas comes into the med bay. "EDI told me about the plan."

"Can it work, Doctor? EDI? How long will it last?" Liara instinctively clutches Shepard's hand close to her chest, "Can it save her?"

"It appears to be able to do so. The success rate averages at eight five percent. It is not permanent. The duration varies upon the individual and the severity of the condition."

"So she may need it again soon? She could relapse?"

"Very likely."

Liara looks at Kelly, Wondering if she dares to subject her love to a brief period of sanity, only to have it snatched away again any time. "Do it. we have to save her."

"It won't work while she is sedated. I'll have to slowly bring her out of it. We may only get one shot at this." Chakwas stands beside the machines keeping Shepard sedated.

"The doctor is correct." EDI puts a hand on Liara's shoulder, "Shepard must be lucid for the meld to take hold. You must look her in her eyes, make sure you have her attention."

"You're afraid if we wake her up, she won't stay lucid for long." Liara finishes for EDI.

"That is our assumption." EDI moves to the head of the bed, "I can help provide restraint to her, should the meld not take hold."

"Thank you EDI." Liara stands up and leans over Shepard, holding both of Shepard's hands tightly in hers on Shepard's chest. Liara nods to . "Lets do this."

Chakwas slowing turns the dial of the drugs down, watching Shepard's heart rate increase, and her brain activity multiply even faster. Liara braces herself, bringing her biotics into focus in her mind. Shepard's eyelids start to flutter, slowly waking up. She blinks once, her amber eyes meet Liara's briefly, then start to dart around the med bay.

"Kelly, Kelly it's me. It's Liara, stay with me. Shepard." Liara gets Shepard's attention focused on her again, "Look at me. Stay with me. You can do it Kelly." Shepard's eyes widen in panic as she becomes more aware. She tries to sit up, reaching up to claw the breathing tube out. EDI leans down hard on the bed holding Shepard in place. "Kelly, please." Liara starts to beg, clutching Shepard's hands to her own chest, leaning close. Shepard tries to pull back away from Liara. "Please, I need you. Stay focused on me. I know you can do it." Shepard's eyes snap to look straight into Liara's. In that short instant Liara releases her biotics and whispers "Embrace Eternity!" Her eyes go black as ebony as Shepard's head arches back, her eyes transfixed on Liara's

A single voice breaks through the shadows surrounding her. She knows that voice. The shadows and dead begin to fade away as she listens to the voice harder. She knows the woman who is speaking. She blinks her eyes slowly open. There is a woman leaning over her, blue skin and deep sapphire eyes is all she can see. She quickly darts her eyes around the room, looking for an escape. Those eyes, piercing blue. And her voice, keep calling to her. Liara. her name is Liara. They love each other.

At this realization she tries to sit up, tries again to claw the synthetics off of her. She can't let them hurt Liara. Can't let them make her hurt Liara. Someone is holding her down, keeping her from running. Frantically she thrashes. Then hears Liara again. She's talking to her, encouraging her. She looks back into those deep, piercing blue eyes and hears the voice she has grown accustomed to hearing. The one that always brings peace.

"Embrace Eternity."

Her world violently shakes and wrenches apart. It feels like Liara has used a biotic barrier and shoved all the fear and horrors away. They are standing on the presidium, at Liara's favorite spot. Looking out over the hustle and bustle of the civilians living there.

She turns to her left and sees Liara, dressed in her Shadow Broker's armor. "What happened? Where are we?"

Liara pulls her into a tight embrace. "I tried to think of somewhere peaceful. To put you at ease. Oh Shepard. I'm so sorry."

Shepard pulls Liara away and gives her a deep kiss, tasting the salt of her tears. "Are we in each other's minds?"

"No, I'm in yours. Kelly, what's the last thing you remember? That isn't part of the nightmares."

"I was sparring with James. Oh no. Did I? Is he? Is James ok?"

Liara hugs her, "He'll be fine. We have to find something to do to help you."

"Liara, I'm so sorry. I should've said something. I shouldn't have tried to hide it from you." she breaks into tears. "Liara, I'm so sorry."

"Hush." Liara pulls Kelly into a tight embrace and lets her cry. "We'll figure this out." They hold each other for long moments each crying and being a comfort to the other. Liara holds Kelly at arms length once she's finished crying. "Will you be ok now?"

"Do we have to leave? Its so peaceful here."

Liara hugs her tight again, "Yes love, yes we do." She takes Kelly's hand and turns away from the scenic view. They take a couple steps together into a gray fog.

When the fog clears Shepard is laying down staring up at Liara's frightened blue eyes. When She tries to say something to soothe her, she feels the tube down her throat. Instinctively she gags and starts coughing.

"Doctor!" Liara cries out, trying to hold Shepard down and ease her breathing. "Kelly, hush, hush. It's ok."

Chakwas enters her field of vision. She puts a hand on Shepard's left shoulder, and holds the tube in the other, "Commander, I need you to cough real hard on my count. Can you do that?" Shepard nods her head emphatically. "Alright, one, two, three." On three she yanks the tube at the same time Shepard coughs, hard and fast. Once it's clear she continues coughing, trying to breathe on her own.

"Doctor!" Liara sounds panicked.

Shepard tries to reach out to her, to comfort her. Her right am is bound to her in a sling. She reaches with her left hand, it flops uselessly on her chest. "Liara." She wheezes, then coughs and tries again, "Liara. I'm ok." her voice is less than a whisper. Getting a hold of Liara's sleeve she tugs weakly at it. Liara looks down at her, worry etched deep into her face. Shepard tugs again, trying to pull Liara closer. When she leans down, Shepard whispers in her ear, "I'm ok. I'll be, ok." She eases back, Liara kisses the top of her head, tears rolling down her cheeks.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again!" she cries. She thumps twice on Shepard's chest in anger. Then collapses over her, embracing her in the fiercest hug. As she cries. Shepard puts her arm around Liara as tears leak out of her eyes too.

"Let's give them some time." Chakwas says to the other person in the room.

Shepard cranes her head back to look up at the person holding her shoulders, it's EDI. "Hi." she mouths to EDI, "Thanks." EDI pats her shoulder then turns to leave.

"Wait." Shepard croaks as EDI steps away.

"Yes Shepard?" She asks, kneeling down beside her.

"Thank you." Shepard blinks back more tears. "Can we talk? Sometime?"

"I will be here when you need me Shepard." EDI walks out with .

Shepard twists slightly under Liara, "Liara," she croaks, then shifts again, "Liara!" she tries louder. Then erupts into coughs.

Liara starts awake and turns Shepard so she coughs to the side, patting her back. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry. I was just so overwhelmed."

Shepard pats her hand as she rolls back over. "Stay with me?" She whispers. She tries to scoot a little in the bed to give Liara a space to lay down.

"To the end of time." Liara kisses Shepard and lies down beside her. They hold each other tight as Shepard drifts into the first peaceful sleep in a long time.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

She hears the roar and wails of battle. The screech of tortured metal, the grating wail of the Reapers. She's on Earth. Standing in the ruin of the Alliance Council room. Looking out over Vancouver. The Reaper slowly drops from the sky, twice as large as Sovereign. It sinks towards the ground, its legs opening up like some terrible flower. It settles with the screech of metal and the reverberating thump against the ground. Screams rise from the ground as Reaper's laser tears a superheated path of destruction. The laser reaches towards her, ready to engulf her in fire.

Shepard's eyes snap open. Looking up through the sky view window in her cabin ceiling. She jerks and sits upright, dislodging Liara from her shoulder.

Liara wakes almost instantaneously, "Kelly?" her voice is tight with worry. She grasps Shepard's head in her soft hands and turns her to look at her in the eyes, "Are you here? Are you ok?"

"I'm here." Shepard says turning her head to kiss Liara's hand. "Just a dream. Just a dream." She shakes Liara's hands away, and turns away to the edge of the bed. "I'll be fine."

"You can't keep shutting me out." Liara sits beside her. "We have to work through this together." She holds Shepard tight to her.

Shepard stands up out of Liara's hold and nearly falls back down again. Her legs unwilling to support her. She stumbles and leans against the bulkhead above her foot locker. Liara quickly rises to help.

Shepard waves her off, "I can do this." She growls. Forcing her body to do her bidding. She stumbles her way to her couch before having to sit.

Liara comes and kneels in front of her, "No you can't." She takes Shepard's hands and kisses them, "I love you and your bravery. But this is not something you can do on your own." She sits down beside Shepard turning her to face her. "You have to let me in."

Looking down, Shepard shakes with fear, "I can't let you in. I can't let you see what's inside." Tears leak from her eyes to spill onto their joined hands. "I have to protect you. I don't want you to bear my burden, my darkness. That's mine to carry, alone."

She stands, pushes out of Liara's hold and stumbles towards the lift. Each step makes her stronger, more at balance.

"Kelly?" Liara takes hold of her shoulder to spin her around. "Talk to me. Don't go."

She shrugs Liara's hand off her shoulder as she exits her cabin.

Liara grabs her shoulder again, "Kelly! Talk to me!"

"Get back!" Shepard shoves Liara back from her. Liara stumbles, not expecting the force of her shove. She trips and tumbles down the few stairs behind her. Looking up from the ground she sees Shepard's fury and pain at war on her face.

"I said stay back." Shepard quickly turns and leaves the room, shaking. She can't believe she hurt Liara. She enters the lift.

"EDI, don't you even dare to say a word. I need to be alone." She gets off the lift and makes a beeline to the port observation deck, glad when she discovers the room empty.

She looks up towards the ceiling, "EDI, I'm locking the door. Don't admit anyone."

"As you wish Shepard." EDI responds. "Will there be anything you need?"

"Just leave me alone." Shepard goes to the bar and pours a glass of the batarian ale. She downs it in seconds. Looking at the empty glass she growls. Wanting something stronger she digs through the shelves looking for the Ryncol bottle. Once she finds it she pours a shot and downs it. Immediately she feels the effects of the alcohol spread warmth through her body. The anger and guilt's blades in her heart are dulled.

She takes a seat looking out at the view as she pours another double shot. This one she sips at. Savoring the flavor and the warmth it brings. She wants to think about her demons, but she also wants to avoid them. Unwilling to go down that road. She finishes the second glass and pours another. This time she stands, unsteadily, and walks out of the room. She is mildly surprised no one is in the hall waiting for her. The feeling quickly ebbs away as she takes another sip of the Ryncol. She stands in front of the Memorial wall. She finishes the third glass and empties the bottle into the glass.

"Here's to you guys." She mutters as she raises the glass. "Keep your dammed ghosts outta my head." She downs half the glass and stumbles. She catches her fall by sitting mightily on the deck. She chuckles when she doesn't spill the glass. Swirling the green liquid around she looks through it and grimaces when the names she sees through the glass are Ashley, Wrex, and Mordin.

"Bottoms up." She salutes them with the glass and downs the rest of the Ryncol. Tipping to her right, she pushes herself up straight and turns the bottle over the glass. When nothing comes out she lets the glass fall and roll away. She puts her mouth under the bottle to catch the last drops. "It's all me now. I'm all alone. I guess that's what fate has always had in store for me. First I kill you all, then shove everyone else away." She sets the bottle down beside her. "I'm a right fucking ray of sunshine aren't I? I guess I deserve all this." She sits there for some time just looking at the wall. Not really seeing it. Allowing her mind to wander, glad it isn't focusing on any one particular thing.

Soft arms enfold her from behind. Liara kneels down and hugs her tight. "You're not alone anymore."

"Oh hi." Shepard cranes her neck around, trying to see her. She picks up the bottle and offers it to Liara, "Care for a drink?"

Liara takes the bottle and sighs, "It's empty dear."

"So it is." Words are becoming hard to form, her voice gets softer, "I suppose you're here to scold me?"

"How much did you drink?" Liara comes around to kneel in front of Shepard.

"Less than full, but more than half." Shepard attempts to stand and fumbles, then takes a few unbalanced steps sideways to her right. Barely staying upright.

Liara catches her before she falls. "You need to lie down."

Shepard pushes out of her hold. Anger sparking inside her. "I'm fine. I just need a minute to get oriented. I'm not some fragile doll."

Liara catches her arms as she stumbles again, "Fragile doll or not. You're too drunk to move anywhere on your own."

"Leave me be." She forcefully shrugs out of Liara's hold again. "I don't need your help." She turns and catches the bulkhead for support as she scrambles at the controls for the lift.

Liara catches her again before she falls. "You need to lie down. You can't run from this forever Shepard. Please, talk to me." Liara makes another attempt to hold Shepard before she boards the lift.

"I'm done talking! I don't need any help!" The Ryncol chooses this moment to take full effect. She stumbles and crashes into the lift full on her face. Turning over she glares at Liara. "Somehow, this is your fault..." She starts to scold, but two heartbeats later she passes out.

"Stupid, stubborn woman." Liara's voice brings her out of the fog. Shepard can hear her panting, "Couldn't pass out fully in the lift. Or with anyone else around."

As her awareness returns, Shepard feels Liara supporting her weight under her left shoulder, and an arm about her waist.

She tries to step out of Liara's grasp. "I, I don't." Her words get stuck in her throat, only grumbles come out. Her mouth is so dry.

"Oh no you do not." Liara growls as she turns and Shepard feels herself fall onto her couch. Light flashes in her eyes.

Flinching away she growls, "Leave me be." Her words come out more distinct this time. the light cast away most of the fog. She can at least see the immediate area directly in front of her. And that area is filled with a very angry Liara, scowling at her.

"Glad to see you coherent again." She flashes the light in both of Shepard's eyes, "You'll survive."

"Give me my bottle back." Shepard complains as she pushes herself to sit a little straighter.

"Its empty and you aren't getting anymore alcohol for a long while. Until you start talking to me."

"There's nothing to talk about." She squirms trying to rest her throbbing head. "Let me rest."

Liara flicks her on her nose. "Oh no you don't. You are going to start talking."

"You're torturing me." Shepard groans. Her eyelids flutter and she fights to keep them open. "Let me rest and I'll talk, I swear."

A heavy sigh escapes Liara, "I suppose there isn't much talking to you right now anyways."

Shepard smiles lopsidedly, "I knew you'd agree." She slumps to the side, laying down on her right side. She gives in to her eyelids and they close as she falls asleep.

Liara sighs exasperated. Then proceeds to remove Shepard's boots and blouse, arranging her in a more comfortable position. She sits down in the chair across from the couch and settles in to wait out Shepard's drunken sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

Shepard screams as she breaks free of the dream. In a blind blood red haze she scrambles up her stairs and crashes into the head. Just in time to heave violently into the toilet. She coughs, gags, and sobs. Cool blueness enters her mind, chasing away the shadows.

"Kelly? Its me, Liara. Can you hear me?"

Talking or moving is too much for her, she just nods her head. Even the slight movement induces more heaves. After long moments of Liara stroking her back and combing her hair back from her face, the heaves subside and she is able to turn away from the toilet.

"What happened?" Liara asks. Pulling Shepard's hair back, she softly wipes her face and brow with a cool rag.

"More nightmares." Shepard rasps through a raw hoarse throat.

"Can you talk about it?" Liara helps her to stand and limp back to the couch.

"I don't know, I just don't know." Shepard sinks into the couch, exhaustion weighing heavy on her.

"You need rest." Liara pulls Shepard down to rest in her lap. "Sleep, I'm here. You're safe."

Shepard wants to object but sleep quickly claims her. Fear reigns up in her, she is unwilling to fully rest. Afraid of what will happen. But the soft warmth of Liara eases her fear. Maybe she really is safe.

"Its ok. You're safe." Liara whispers as sleep takes Shepard under.

Garrus turns away from the galaxy map as he hears the lift stop. Liara comes out, exhaustion etched deep into her face. "How is she?" he asks.

"Asleep, for now." Liara leans against the terminal by the map. "Garrus, I don't know how to help her. She won't let me in. I'm so scared."

Garrus puts and arm around Liara, giving her a quick hug, "You're doing all you can. I'm sure she knows that. We just have to give her some space, let her come to us. In the meantime, no more bouts with Vega and make sure that Ryncol is hidden." he smiles when a laugh is startled out of her.

She gives him a gentle shove. She turns to face him, a small smile on her face. "There's no need to hide the Ryncol. She drank it all."

"Damn." Garrus whistles, "I'm impressed."

"You're not helping." Liara glares at him.

"Rest easy Liara, I'll keep the liquor under lock and key. She'll be fine."

"What if she doesn't get better? What if she relapses again? I know she's still having the dreams. But she won't talk about them. She keeps saying she's fine, says she can handle it."

"Every soldier goes through this. At some point they reach the peak where they need help, but they won't admit it. Its weakness to her. You're her love, her life. If she can't handle what's going on, if she lets you help her, then she feels as if she's failed you. Give her time. Give her love. She'll come around." Garrus pats her shoulder as he takes the lift back down to the Armory.

Liara turns to the Galaxy map and watches the slow swirl of the systems losing her self to the ease of it.

"Liara?" Traynor's voice startles Liara awake. She hadn't realized she was falling asleep. "Are you ok? Do you need some rest?"

Liara shakes her head. "I'm fine, I just came down to update Garrus. I'll be going back now." She turns towards the lift and her whole world spins. She grasps the rail to steady herself.

Traynor helps steady her, "Begging your pardon, but you need some uninterrupted sleep. Someone can go up and be with Shepard in case she wakes up."

Liara shrugs out of Traynor's grasp. "No. I love Shepard, she needs me."

"Dr.T'Soni, Specialist Traynor has the right of it." EDI's voice comes over the intercom, "My logs show you have not had any sleep longer than a couple of hours in five days now."

"I don't need your help EDI." Liara takes a few unsteady steps to the lift. "I'll go get some sleep up there."

Traynor steps in front of her. "No, um, Ma'am." She only briefly stumbles over the right term. "I'm afraid I can't let you do that. Tali is on her way up. She will help you to your quarters, then she will sit with the Commander." Liara wants to argue the point more. But she has to admit that she can't work herself to death fretting over Shepard. She needs sleep. Tali arrives and helps her to her bed.

Liara stops her before she leaves, "Please, take care of her. I only need a couple hours rest."

"Of course Liara." Tali says as Liara lays down to rest. "I will take care of Shepard." She shuts off the lights and takes the lift to the Commander's cabin.

As the doors swing open, Tali is initially worried because she does not see Shepard in the bed. Stepping down into the cabin she sees Shepard curled on the couch. Tali smiles in spite of herself to see her friend curled on the couch in her black navy pants and tank. Tali sits down in the chair facing Shepard. She looks so peaceful. So much different than five days ago when they brought her up here. Her right arm is out of its sling now that the medigel has done its job. She's got it tucked under her head, her left arm cradling one leg to her chest, the other crooked back. Her face is turned down to the pillow she's laying on.

Tali looks closely at her face. Noting the deep lines around her eyes and jaw line. The years of battle have left her with more than those lines. Her jaw has a deep scar running a straight line down the left side from the edge of her lower lip. That scar and the wide long one across her right cheek bone are from her run to the conduit on Earth. The newest in a series of scars, all over her body. Tali knows that Shepard is very proud of all her scars, says they tell her stories. Tali can never understand the fascination some species have about scars. Her own people, if they are ever injured enough to have a scar they are most like to die. Anything else is superficial on their suits.

Shepard turns over in her sleep, laying this time on her back. Her right arm slides out from under her head to perch precariously on the edge of the couch. Tali fears that if it slides Shepard will wake. She quickly, quietly gets up and gently slides Shepard's arm straight along her side. Shepard takes a deep breath and sighs. Tali goes back to her chair as she sleeps on.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

For the first time in a long time Shepard wakes gently from sleep with no dreams. Cracking one eye open she sees Liara asleep in the chair nearby. Shepard opens both eyes and is looking up towards her ships above her desk. She smiles a little seeing them all put back in their place. She rolls to her right and rests her head on her right arm. Bringing her left around she picks up a data pad on the table by her. It has a picture of her in the top left. it's a copy of the picture Liara has on her bedside, taken on the Normandy SV1 just before they landed on Ilium. The original is a picture of them both. Liara keeps the half with Shepard in it, and Shepard keeps the half with Liara.

Reading the notes on the data pad, Shepard can see that Liara was working on the data entry she put in the beacons before they destroyed the Reapers. Only this one is different. Shepard pushes herself to a sitting position to read the data pad more easily. Glancing at the table she sees a glass of water, she takes a drink then settles back into the couch to read.

The entry on the pad starts out the same as what was written in the beacon. But the further Shepard reads the more intimate the entries become. Shepard soon realizes that Liara is trying to write down something more of an intimate biography or collection of memories. She reads an entry describing in detail the way Liara sees Shepard.

"…Shepard, no, Kelly. The way she holds herself, the way her body moves, stands, looks is so full of confidence and strength. Her very presence in a room makes everyone feel secure and confident. Even all her scars don't take away from her image. Instead they become a part of the legend that is Commander Shepard. But in private, she is so much more, and different. She is grace and poise. She stills carries that aura of command but she shows a softer side to me. Her supple red hair she keeps cut to strict Navy regulations, but with me she allows it to flow free. Soft red waves that barely caress her strong shoulders. The color contrasts to her pale skin, her brown eyes are amber orbs that see to my soul. When we kiss, her lips, both soft and chapped, bring pleasure to all parts of me. When we hold each other her strong callused hands raise chills of fire from my skin. I have never known such a woman as she. She is tough and resilient, yet, kind and loyal too…" A soft arm snakes around Shepard's shoulders breaking her concentration.

"Enjoying your reading my love?" Liara whispers softly in a Shepard's ear.

"I never knew." Shepard turns to Liara, tears collecting at the corner of her eyes, "I never knew you saw so much in me."

Liara turns Shepard to face her, "There is so much more to you than just the soldier you show the world. I didn't want to forget you, as you are."

"You wrote this when I died?"

"No, I wrote this last week when you were in the medbay." Liara wipes the tears from Shepard's eyes.

She holds Liara's hand to her cheek. "Kiss me." she whispers, "I want you to be with me." She gives a kiss to Liara's cheek, then the joining of her jaw and neck.

"Are you sure?" Liara asks, her need for her bondmate making her voice rasp.

Shepard moves down Liara's neck, "More sure than anything before."

Liara gasps and pulls away, "I don't want to rush you."

"I could do with a little rushing." Shepard grins wickedly. Then pulls Liara's head towards hers, lips parting for a kiss.

"Kelly, please." Liara's voice is little more than a whisper, "You need rest. We shouldn't do this."

"I need you." She kisses Liara soft, smoothly on her lips. "I can't do this alone. I want you with me." Shepard grasps the zipper at Liara's throat and slowly pulls it down. Kissing the exposed flesh as she goes down.

"I'm yours." Liara gasps. She pulls Shepard up to her face and returns her lover's kiss. Trying to be soft and easy. Then Shepard nips her lower lip in her teeth and Liara feels her passion fueled. She cradles Shepard's head in her left hand while her right pulls Shepard's hips and legs back laying her down on the couch. Neither allows so much as a millimeter to part their lips. Shepard's right hand trails down Liara's side, bringing fire in its wake, as she pulls down Liara's body suit.

She grasps Liara at the small of her back and pulls her close. Thrusting their bodies as close as possible. Feeling a physical need to be one and the same. Shepard slowly massages Liara's back, bringing groans from her mate. Each heard through her mouth, still tightly clasped to hers. Liara reaches under Shepard's tank, sliding her hands up, caressing her mate's body. Pleased to feel shivers run under her hands. Shepard pulls Liara closer as she speeds up her strokes and thrusts, bringing her mate slowly to pure ecstasy.

As Liara reaches her climax she pulls back from her mate's mouth, locks eyes and cries "Embrace Eternity!" where her cry of passion ends and where Shepard's begins is indeterminable.

Shepard's vision and senses explode as Liara slides into her mind. Their minds blend together as Shepard feels how her strokes feel to Liara and Liara feels the hunger deep inside Shepard. They thrust and grind, push and pull, breathe and gasp as one body. One awareness. As the passion becomes more than either thinks they can stand, they explode into a climax of moisture, heat, and chills. Liara slips fully into Shepard's mind and memories. At first Shepard pushes back, trying to block her from entering.

"Please, let me help." Liara caresses Shepard's head, stroking her hair.

Shepard eases up on the pressure, holding Liara tight, both physically and in their minds. "I'm sorry, this is not going to be pleasant." She releases all her barriers, allowing Liara full access to her mind, her nightmares.

The first place Liara goes is the most recent nightmare. Leaving Earth behind. Allowing the deaths of all those souls to die.

"Its not your fault. You did what you had to do." Liara consoles her.

Shepard pulls her deeper into the dream, the horror that haunts her thoughts all her waking moments.

The Reaper that is Sovereign and Harbinger start speaking to her. Mocking her, torturing her. The catalysts to the echoes and whispers of the dead.

"You are weak, unfit. These people died because of you. You could have saved them. You still can save the rest. Allow us to use you. Become the catalyst. Bring balance back to the cycle."

"Kelly!" Liara cries out, in body and mind. She feels Shepard start to sink away, too terrified and confused. Panicking. "Kelly come back to me!"

Shepard hears Liara, twisting around she finds the wraiths of all the dead. Pressing in on all sides.

"Why did you leave us?" She turns away from one set and straight into another,

"Why didn't you save us?"

"Where did you go?"

"Why did we have to die?"

"You were supposed to save us."

"You were our hero, where did you go?"

"Who will help us now?"

Spinning around she is assaulted by whispers, questions, accusations, a frenzy of the ghosts of the dead.

"Liara!" she screams out, collapsing to her knees.

Liara rushes through the fog, grasping after Shepard. She can't see what Shepard is seeing, all she can see is fog, dense, dark fog. The whispers that haunt her mate are indistinct and muffled to her ears. "Shepard! Kelly!" she calls out, running to her mate. She is huddled in a small ball, arms and legs clutched tight to her chest, flinching at the barbs and voices of her ghosts.

Shepard feels Liara kneel beside her, she hugs her tight. Praying for peace and comfort.

"She can't help you. She'll die, just as swiftly as the rest. You will be her destruction." The Reapers' voices are grating in her mind, tearing at her soul.

"Liara! No! Run!" she tries to shove Liara away, desperate to save her love. "You can't help me. No one can." She sobs hearing in her voice the same desolation as that of the dead.

"They aren't real Kelly." Liara pulls her close, "We can do this together. Push them away."

"I can't there's too many of them. I deserve this pain. I'm a coward, a failure. Not strong enough, never strong enough."

"You are strong enough. You've fought bigger demons and survived. You always survive."

"But they didn't. I wasn't strong enough to save them. Their blood is on my hands."

"They aren't your fault. That's the Reapers fault. You made the Reapers pay. You destroyed them."

"But I couldn't save my friends. I sent them to their deaths. Ashley, Wrex, Thane, Mordin. All those souls on Akuze, on Earth, on Palavin, Thessia. I sent all those people to their deaths. Their blood is on my hands."

"They made their choice. They chose to follow their orders. You have no blame for their choice." Liara hugs her tight. "You can do this. Fight them. Push them back. We can beat them together."

Shepard stands as Liara pulls her to her feet. "What do I do? How do I stop them?"

"Together. Push back against them. Together. One, two, three!" Shepard thrusts with all of her mind, envisioning a wall of force, pushing all the haunts of the dead back. They move away, like they were hit by a breeze. But they return to press in on her once more. Fervent for her blood and pain. Determined that she has the answers they seek.

"Again." Liara grasps Shepard's hand tight "Give them hell, love." They push hard, Shepard roars her determination, giving the ghosts all she has. Forcing herself to her knees she frees her mind. The fog lifts and blast away, leaving her and Liara collapsed against her couch. Each breathing heavily. Feeling the last traces of their meld ebb away. Liara uses her biotics to ease the both of them to the bed. She holds Shepard close to her chest.

"It's finished." She coons and Shepard starts to sob. "Hush, its all over now."

"What will happen now?" Shepard lifts her head to look up at Liara, "Where do I go from here?"

"We'll face that when it comes. For now, we can just be." She leans down and kisses Shepard, deep and long. "We have much to catch up on."

"Save it for the morning." Shepard mumbles. She moves to snuggle closer to Liara, "I need to rest. We can talk tomorrow."

"Of course, love." Liara strokes Shepard's hair as they drift off to sleep.

Waking in the morning Liara slides out from on top of Shepard's arm, and gently eases out of her hold. She doesn't want to wake her companion who is sleeping so peacefully, but she needs to get some food for them. Once standing she looks for her suit and slides it back on. She quietly leaves the cabin in search of some breakfast for them from the mess.

Returning to the cabin with a full tray of bacon, eggs, and coffee. Liara sees Shepard, dressed in her pants and tank again, laying on her back with her combat drone floating above her. Each twitch of her fingers and turn of her wrist direct the drone through a myriad of dances and patterns.

She descends the stairs and deposits her tray on the table."Shepard, what are you doing?"

Shepard doesn't get up, but continues to play with her drone. Sending it to float around the cabin. "Keeping up my skills." She moves the drone to float just in front of Liara. Making it nod up and down she says, "Isn't he cute? Glyph could have a friend here. And if he starts in on that Shadow brokering everyone I can zap him." Her drone demonstrates its skills by producing a stun bolt that pings off of the metal tray, leaving a scorch mark and burning a nearby piece of toast.

"You're getting that one." Liara says coming to stand at the foot of the bed. She looks down at Shepard, who tucks her chin to look at her, "Are you going to eat, or do I get Tali up here with her induction port?"

Shepard chuckles and sits up, sending her drone to stand guard over the cabin door. "I'd love to see her try." Liara glares at her. She sighs as she sits down at the couch, "Yes mother, I'll be a good girl."

Liara in turn smiles a little as she sits down opposite Shepard. "Are we going to talk?"

"In time." Is all Shepard says as she starts to devourer her meal.

"Is that something you've always had a talent for, or did your training instruct you to just inhale food?" Liara has always been a mixture of both disgusted and amused by her bondmate's eating habits.

"Back on Mindoir I used to eat fast because my brother would steal anything I left untouched. In training they only give you fifteen minutes to eat. So, my fast eating habits were made faster."

"I'm amazed yet again, how very little I, or anyone for that matter, really know about the true Commander Shepard."

Shepard laughs, "Fear not, gentle maiden, I do know how to be a lady in public. Mostly." That wicked grin and gleam that Liara loves about Shepard is on her face and eyes again. It's been too long absent.

Shepard finishes her meal and stands up. "I'm going down to the cargo hold, I'd like to chat with EDI for a bit."

Liara stands as well and follows Shepard to the cabin door. Her drone floats up above them as Shepard passes through the door. "Will you be alright? Should I come?"

Shepard pulls Liara into a quick kiss, "I'll be fine. Anti-glyph here will keep an eye on me." She chuckles as she boards the lift with her drone in tow. Liara shakes her head at Shepard's audacity as she gathers up the breakfast leavings and tidies the cabin a bit.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

"EDI, would you care to join me in the Cargo hold, please?" Shepard asks over the intercom from the lift, "There's some things I'd like to discuss with you.

"Right away Shepard. I will be down shortly."

Joker comes on to the radio, "If you two are having more girl chats get James to take notes." Shepard can't help but crack a smile as EDI threatens to seal Joker in the bridge. Exiting the lift she goes over to her weapons rack and sets herself to clean, inspecting, and modifying her paladin pistol and Valkyrie assault riffle while she waits on EDI.

"With the Reapers destroyed there should not be much need for those Shepard." EDI comments as she comes to stand beside the work bench.

"I know." Shepard says, focusing on a difficult patch of grease clogging the thermal clips slide. "These have been through a lot with me. Seems rude to leave them uncared for and neglected."

"I do not believe that inanimate objects can feel neglect Shepard. But I think I do understand the reference you are attempting to make. You feel that maybe you have neglected your crew as well as your weapons."

"Yeah," Shepard says as the grease bit finally pops free and she can scrub out the grove. "Something like that. I'm not sure how to approach any of them. They've all been through the same hell ringer as me. None of them went bat-shit crazy though."

"I find no context of what 'bat-shit crazy' means. But I shall assume you are referring to your mental episode."

Shepard smiles in spite of herself. Perhaps this is why she chose EDI for her talks. Something about EDI's limited understanding of humanity and unbiased, unemotional opinions are easier for Shepard to relate to. "Yes EDI. Bat-shit and crazy are terms to be used for someone who has a mental breakdown."

"Well, I would say that you may have gone, crazy. But you are not crazy, as defined in a permanent state."

"I'm sure in some way that was meant as a compliment." Shepard lays down her tools. Lifting her rifle up she looks down its sights. "Care for a little target practice EDI?"

"I do not believe that is a wise course of action Shepard. Physical aggressions and stresses are known to be a large trigger for PTSD patients."

"Call me a 'patient' again and you'll be the one in need of care EDI." Shepard growls. She jerks her hand out away from her, in the same motion that she would throw a grenade. Her drone shoots out to the end of the cargo bay. "Now come on EDI. Lets play. You control the drone, and I get to shoot it."

"I would much rather that or T'Soni be here in case of an emergency if you insist on this 'game'."

Shepard grinds her teeth together with impatience. "Fine, call the baby sitters. But if they intervene, then I'm throwing them out the airlock."

EDI looks towards the ceiling, Shepard supposes that she is speaking to Liara via a private channel in the ship. "Dr.T'Soni is on her way. She asks that you wait for her to arrive before beginning your target practice."

"She can play catch up." Shepard says firing a three shot burst into the drone. It flickers and dies. Flipping her hand she summons a new drone. "Now lets play."

"Very well Shepard. I shall add a new element to your game. For each target you kill you must tell me something about yourself."

"If this is your attempt at getting me to talk out my issues, it won't work."

"I am merely being curious about the past of my Commanding Officer."

"Sure you are." Shepard's voice is dripping sarcasm. "Now can we get on with it?"

"As you wish." EDI sends the drone rocketing to the right, attempting an erratic dodge she brings it left again. Shepard focus on the path of the drone and fires a single burst directly to the center of the drone. It flickers but remains afloat. EDI changes the pattern causing the drone to swerve left and right as it moves. Shepard aims just ahead of where the drone will be and fires three shots in quick succession. The drone flickers as each shot hits. The final shot explodes it in a cascade of orange sparks.

"First question." EDI says, "What made you decide to join the Alliance N7 program?"

Shepard is taken aback slightly. She figured EDI's first question would be about her issues, or about something of her distant past. "I was originally inspired to join the Alliance because I waned to see the stars. Being from a colony I never got out in them other than sub-orbital flights to different areas of the colony. Joining N7 was something I could do to help make a difference. It gave me more strength and training than just being another sailor and marine. It gave me a chance to be the hero to some other family that needed help like mine did."

"So you joined the Alliance for adventure, but joined N7 for a sense of purpose?"

"Something like that. Can we get on with it?"

"Of course."

As Shepard sends another drone out, EDI uses the various cargo crates as cover, making this bot a little harder to peg. Shepard carefully aims an overload burst to collide with the drone as it pops from cover, the drone lights off with an electric blue hue before Shepard splinters it with her rifle.

"Two down. C'mon EDI. You're making this too easy."

"Second question. Have you ever had a romantic partner other than Dr.T'Soni?"

"That's hitting a little below the belt, isn't it EDI?" Shepard raises an eyebrow at EDI.

EDI shrugs as she leans to her right against the shuttle rail. "I would not know, as I have no belt."

"You know what I mean."

"You are dodging the question Shepard."

"Yes, I had one other partner. Her and I met in the N7 program training."

"What was she like?"

Shepard releases another drone, "Give me a hard one, and I might answer that question."

"Very well." This time EDI creates her own drone as well as controls Shepard's.

Shepard raises both eyebrows at EDI, "That's a new challenge."

"If you do not believe you can do it. I shall forfeit my drone."

"Not hardly." Shepard barks out a menacing laugh, "You're going down EDI." As EDI directs the two drones in a complicated dance of dodges and weaves. Moving them in tandem and randomly from cover to cover. Shepard wastes one whole clip from her rifle trying to peg the little buggers. Just as she thinks she's got one that floats a little to near, it zaps her with its stun gun.

Shepard jumps back, rubbing the offended spot on her arm. She doesn't have armor on and that left an angry red wheal. She blasts the drone with an overload and then uses a hard melee to drive her omni-blade through the drone's core. It explodes into a shower of sparks as Shepard whips her rifle up and splinters the other drone as it comes in to attack.

Panting, she grins triumphantly. "Gotcha!"

"Kelly!" Liara cries running over.

Shepard hadn't realized Liara was there until the asari pulls her arm towards her to inspect the injury. "It's nothing. Don't worry about it."

"You're burned!" Liara whirls on EDI, "How could you let that happen? You know she's delicate."

Shepard wrenches her arm out of Liara's hold. "I'm standing right here. And I'm neither delicate nor a patient so the both of you can knock it off. EDI, give me another drone."

"Liara's objections aside. By the rules we agreed upon for this game. You have to answer a question before I can give you another target."

"Fine. What's your question?"

"Tell us about this previous lover."

"Is this really necessary EDI? I don't want to make you uncomfortable Liara."

Liara crosses her arms over her chest as she leans away from Shepard. "I'm not a bit uncomfortable with this line of discussion. I'm actually rather curious." She joins EDI by leaning on the railing. "Go on."

Shepard gives them both a hard glare. "Fine. Her name was Lin. We met in the N7 training. We were really just kids. I was twenty and she twenty one. Neither of us ever had this type of relationship before. She kissed me for the first time as I was coming off of a night watch shift. She was my relief. I lied awake staring at the rack above me for the entire watch, waiting for her to return."

A snort escapes Liara before she can stifle it. "You were nervous?"

"I wasn't always such a confident leader Liara. Everyone has to start somewhere. Her and I in N7."

"So, what happened with you two?" Liara says, covering her grin with her hand.

"We both made it through the program, only being romantically together when on leave off base. We both wanted to avoid any fraternization charges. The program was too important to risk it. Even in modern military, two women were still an oddity and generally frowned upon."

"So you broke it off before graduation?"

"I wish. Once the training was complete, we had a few months before we were assigned our first missions. Her and I got an apartment off base that we shared. She was kind, and gentle, the complete opposite of a marine. But her stubborn streak rivaled mine. We were happy, just the two of us. I never thought I'd love again, after losing my family. But she showed me that it was wonderful to love someone. Our first mission was Akuze." a flat, dead note comes into Shepard's voice at the last.

"This is the thresher maw incident?" EDI confirms.

"Yeah, that one. Can we move on. I don't want to talk about her anymore."

"Of course Shepard." EDI pushes away from the rail, "Shall we continue your game?"

Shepard shrugs, "I've lost the heart for it." She returns her weapons to the locker and leans on the work table.

"Would you like to talk about something else?" Liara asks as she comes behind her and takes her hand.

"Haven't I talked enough for one day?" Shepard does an about face and quick marches for the lift. Leaving Liara and EDI to exchange wearied glances.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

Once in the lift Shepard hits the command for her cabin. As the lift begins to move up she leans her forehead against the cool metal doors. Why does everyone keep rushing her? Why can't anyone understand she can handle this on her own? Why are they all so nosey? Who she was in the past has no merit on who she is now, or what ever is wrong with her.

She steps off the lift and goes to her office area, stripping out of her sweaty uniform and under clothes she steps in to the shower and turns it on all the way hot. Standing under the flow she feels her stresses ease. The wheal on her arm aches and burns from the water, but she ignores it. Reminding herself to put some medigel on it when she gets out. She grabs her washcloth from the rack, soaping it up she begins to wash. Moving the rag and scrubbing all the weeks of stress and pain away. The grime that clings to her feels more than skin deep.

As she washes her arms and chest, she marvels at all the scars she has. She can trace the scalpel incisions Cerberus made to put her back together. They run systematically along her sides, up her chest, and across her shoulders. The shrapnel wounds from so many battles, the Reaper destruction being the most recent, litter her entire abdomen, chest and arms. Even her legs have a few short sporadic shrapnel scars. She runs her hands over her face, feeling the two scars from her mad dash to the Conduit back on Earth. All the scars from Cerberus' reconstruction of her face have faded, thanks to ' care.

From time to time she stills sees the ghosts of them on her face. But she knows that's more due to her perception than actual visible scars.

She rinses off and steps out of the shower, grabbing her towel she dries off and leans on the sink edge to look in the mirror. Flashes of memory from her run to the conduit play through her mind's eye. She can still hear the ringing silence, and the deafening roar of battle. Over it all is the Reapers sound. Metal grinding on metal, a wail that no organic lungs could ever achieve that reverberates in your skull, feeling like metal fingers raking at your brain. Causing your very bones to ring with the sound. All this magnified by the dozens of Reapers in that immediate area, and underneath it all is the wail and screams of the dammed. Innocent lives snuffed out by the millions within seconds.

She wrenches her mind away from the memories and focuses instead on her reflection. Naming each thing she sees pulls her mind away from memories and back to the real world. Hair, red, long enough for a horsetail but short enough to not reach past her collar. Liara described her hair once to Shepard as the color of auburn dipped in copper. Eyes, dark brown. They are nearly the color of chocolate, the gold flecks in the irises give her eyes the look of amber stones. The years of war and fighting have left sharp angles to the corners of her eyes, and a steely glint that never goes away.

Her eyebrows are the same color as her hair, thick yet small too. She has a cross wise scar that runs through her right brow and ends at the corner of her eye. Courtesy of a piece of flying shrapnel on Akuze. Her nose was once small and delicate, but was broken twice before Cerberus rebuilt her. And twice more since. The first re-break in a headbutt she gave a Krogan back on Tuchanka, and the second at the Conduit.

Her mouth is a thin line, the lower lip slightly larger than the upper. Again, the years of fighting have left their mark here too. She has deep lines formed around the edges of her mouth, and scars from all her fights. Finishing her calming ritual she turns from the sink and makes her way down to her foot locker.

She leaves the towel on her bed as she pulls on clean underwear. She puts on a set of black pants, tank shirt, and her N7 zip up sweatshirt. She sits down on the bed to lace on her boots. Each tug on the laces runs across the calluses on her palms. She wonders what Liara finds so attractive about a tough, scarred, old soldier like her. Surely such an amazingly intelligent Asari would pick someone better than her for a partner. What can she offer Liara? Security and protection, sure. But her line of work makes for a dangerous path, she never knows if she'll survive every mission. Who wants to be involved with someone like her? She growls at her inner thoughts and goes to the lift, deciding to brave the mess hall to grab a bite to eat. Maybe that will keep her mind off of things for awhile.

As the lift descends she thinks on the things she'd love to do, but seemingly no one will allow her. All she wants is to fight, to spar with someone, to practice her weapons and skills. She can't go from auto pilot of fighting and moving constantly, to not moving at all. Surely somewhere on this damned ship is a place she can work out with out interruptions. Lost in her contemplations of the ship and her physical state, she doesn't see James until they run full on into each other. His attention was on his food tray and hers was cast down at the deck as she thought.

"Whoa!" James exclaims, attempting to catch the tray as it starts to fall. He boggles it a few times off his hands, but fails the last grab as it clatters to the ground.

Shepard kneels down to help him, "James. Um, I mean Vega, sorry. I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

"Happens to the best of us Commander." His voice is restrained, too clipped and short. A soldier's voice to his CO. Not the casual voice of a friends. He stands up with the tray and sets it by the table. He snaps to attention, hand up in salute. "Commander."

Shepard returns the salute, "At ease." he relaxes his stance, but only to parade rest. "Vega, look, um. Is there somewhere private we can talk?"

James relaxes his stance fully. He wasn't meaning to be curt or overly formal. He just wasn't sure which Shepard he would be talking to. "I believe that the Life support hold is empty, Shepard."

Shepard nods to him, "Very well. Lead the way."

James chuckles at the Commander allowing him to lead. Once inside the slightly humid room James turns to face Shepard, "Look, about what happened-" he starts to say, but Shepard cuts him off.

"Don't even think about trying to blame yourself." She says sternly. "Its no one's fault but mine. I am sorry for hurting you. I should never have let myself get out of control. I made a poor judgment call and one of my crew nearly died for it."

James is shocked at the amount of guilt Shepard has placed on herself. It never occurred to him that she would have kept so much guilt and anger internally. "Not so nearly." he chuckles, trying to lighten the mood, "Look, don't be so hard on yourself. Shit happens. You're human. There's only so much you can do."

"I could've killed you James. Doesn't that bother you? How can you face me, knowing what I'm capable of?"

James just shrugs. "But you didn't kill me. It'd take more than you going a little loco to scare me off Shep. Besides, Blue can wield some mean biotics. I sure wouldn't want to have been on the receiving end. I'm just glad that you came out ok."

A wry smile crosses Shepard's face and she punches James lightly on the shoulder, "Blue? Does Liara know you call her that?"

"I might've mentioned a time or two." James scratches at the back of his neck guiltily.

"Of all your clever nick names and you pick 'Blue' for her?"

"Oh, I had others." slips out of James' mouth before he catches himself and clamps shut, "Sorry Commander. Didn't mean any offense."

"At ease." Shepard says, irritation starting to creep into her voice. "Stop being so damn formal. We've been through enough hellfire that military formalities have almost no grounds on this ship."

"Yes Ma'am." James grins in spite of himself. "Old habits die hard."

Shepard cuffs his shoulder, "So they do." she extends her hand to him, "Are we good?"

James takes her hand and gives it a firm shake, "Yes Ma'am." he says proudly.

Shepard puts an arm over his shoulder and steers him out of the hold. "Lets go find us a drink to seal the deal, shall we?"

James gives Shepard a noogie then heads into the Starboard lounge. Shepard grins and follows him, glad that he's ok, and that their friendship isn't ruined by her actions.

Entering the lounge Shepard sees Garrus relaxed in a chair facing out the view window.

"Garrus." She says, stopping beside his chair, she looks out the window, deliberately not looking at him. She's worried that maybe her problems might have changed the way he views her, same as everyone else. She doesn't want that. She needs Garrus the same way he's always been. The rock she can lean on that makes her laugh and forget about the galaxy's troubles for a time.

"Shepard." He says from his seat.

A smile tugs at her mouth, guessing the game he's playing. "Garrus." She says again, trying hard not to laugh.

"Shepard." He replies. she can hear the beginnings of amusement in his voice.

Determined to get the last word in before the laughter that's sure to follow, she responds once more, "Garrus."

Garrus breaks down first and roars with laughter as he stands and gives Shepard a one armed hug. "It's good to see you up and about. I was beginning to think I'd have to come rescue you from Liara."

Shepard returns the hug and jabs him with her elbow, "I don't think you would've want to 'rescue' me from what she was doing." She winks at him and takes the seat on his left.

James comes to stand where Shepard was, leaning back against the bulkhead. "Did I miss something? That sounded like an inside joke to me."

Garrus continues too chuckle, "It was. On the first Normandy, Wrex, a krogan we picked up. He was so uptight that for days he always started his conversations with Shepard that way. He'd say her name, she'd say his. It was like watching two dogs face off for dominance."

Shepard shoves Garrus in the shoulder, "It wasn't all that bad. After awhile it just became a joke for Wrex and I to laugh at from time to time." There, she'd said his name, a name of one of her ghosts, and she didn't feel torn or guilty. She could do this. As long as people would quit coddling her.

"Is this a private party, or can anyone join?"

Shepard looks to the door and sees Kaiden standing there, an embarrassed grin on his face. "Depends on what you can bring to the party."

"More good ole times stories?" He shrugs his shoulders, "Or I could bring some beers."

"Since we're in the beer room, that point is nullified." Shepard goes to Kaiden and offers her hand to shake, "I will accept the offer of more stories. Garrus needs another body to embarrass besides me."

Kaiden takes the commander's hand and pulls her into a one armed hug. "Good to see you up and about Commander." she returns to her seat as Kaiden pulls a bar stool over and perches on it.

"So, did I miss any good ones yet?"

"Just a story about Wrex and Shepard's greetings." James says getting up and bringing everyone a beer.

"Damn, that's a good one." Kaiden tips his bottle in thanks to James.

Shepard leans forward on her knees, "Were you a bit closer I'd shove you off that stool." Her grin gives light to her banter.

Garrus looks at Shepard holding her beer, he thinks about denying her it, he did promise Liara. But surely one beer won't be a problem, and she seems to be doing better. He shrugs and lets her be.

Her, Kaiden, and Garrus regale old time's stories to James for many more hours in the lounge. It feels good to just sit and swap war stories with fellow soldiers. Nothing touchy feely ever comes up. None of them treat her like some delicate flower or armed bomb. It just casual banter as it's always been. Simple, easy, relaxing.

Until Joker interrupts them, "Sorry Commander, but I have to butt in on your memory lane trip."

"What is it Joker?" Shepard sets her near empty beer down.

"Priority message from Admiral Hackett."

"Send it to the Comm room." Shepard stands up, "I'm on my way."

"Copy that Commander, Joker out."

Shepard nods to the guys as she quick marches for the lift and up to the Comm room. She barely notices Traynor turn to watch her go by.

She goes to the console in the Comm room. All thoughts of the past weeks out of her mind. She goes into full on Commander Shepard mode.

She flicks on the comm channel. "Admiral Hackett." She salutes as his hologram materializes.

He returns a wave of the arm that could loosely be described as a salute. "Commander. I hope you've enjoyed your reprieve from the war. Things are heating up in the Terminus systems."

She suppresses a snort at him thinking she enjoyed her last weeks. It's best to not let him know what happened. It could cost her a lot more than just her ship and crew if her mental breakdown leaked to the alliance or press.

She eases to parade rest. "Heating up sir?"

"With the head cut off of Cerberus the organization is in chaos. But, as with most criminal gangs, there is serious infighting to take the top seat. Innocent human colonies are getting caught in the cross fire."

Shepard leans on the console, "And you want me to bring some relief?"

"Yes Commander. These colonies have enough to deal with as part of the re-building effort. They are defenseless against Cerberus occupation."

"Why is Cerberus wanting to occupy the colonies in the first place. I know that The Illusive Man steered them completely off their 'Pro-Human' ideals. But surely without him they reverted back?"

"We believe that each cell is trying to gather as many colonies as they can under them to prove dominance.'

"Send Joker the coordinates and we'll get it done, Sir." She snaps to attention and salutes.

"Very well, Commander. Hackett out." He salutes and the comm line goes dead.

Shepard makes her way back to the CIC calling Joker on the intercom, "Joker, Admiral Hackett should be sending you coordinates. Seems Human colonies need our aid once more."

"Aye aye Ma'am."

Shepard steps up to the galaxy map and leans on the rail, releasing a heavy sigh. Is she ready for this? There's only one way to find out.

"Commander?" Traynor asks from beside her.

Shepard turns her head to look, "Yes Traynor?" Her tone of voice invites Traynor to speak candidly.

"Is there anything you need, Commander? Something I can help with?"

"I appreciate the concern, but I'm fine. I'll be in my cabin if anybody needs me. Joker, alert me when we're getting close to the nearest colony."

"Aye Commander."

Shepard turns and walks to the lift without a backwards glance at Traynor.

Samantha Traynor watches the commander leave and wonders, not for the first time, what is really going on in that woman's head. She can't forget that barely more than a week ago Shepard was in the medbay and no one expected her to come back out. Now she was back in command as if nothing happened. She wonders if there wasn't something more going on, and whether Shepard was mentally fit to get back to missions so soon. She turns back to her console and attempts to lose her thoughts to her duties.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

Shepard opens her private terminal to ask Liara to come up. Then sits at her desk and pulls out a new model ship that she had bought just before their return to Earth. She hadn't had a chance to put it together yet. She holds the miniature Omega station up and smiles wryly thinking about returning to the Terminus Systems again. Fights in Council space, while not a walk in the park, are tame compared to the lawlessness of the Terminus systems. Not only are there the missions to focus on. The colonists, be they human or alien, are extremely distrustful of Council or Alliance ships and really don't like a Specter entering their space. The merch ships and pirate ships looking to make their fortunes often get in her way. Each thinking they'll be the one to capture the famed Normandy. Each fail without much effort on the Normandy's part. But they always slow her progress so much it drives her insane. She isn't sure how Joker keeps his cool dealing with the idiots.

She is putting the final touches on the station and setting it in the case when the cabin doors swish open to admit Liara. She is already fitted out in her Shadow Broker armor.

Liara gives Shepard a quick kiss in greeting, "Shouldn't you be in partial armor at least?"

Shepard looks down at her casual clothes. "We've got time." She pulls Liara close to her by her waist, "I've got better ideas to spend the meantime." She brushes the Asari's lips with her own.

"Kelly, we really don't have the time for that." Liara steps out of Shepard's embrace. "Truly, I'd like nothing more. but Joker says we're only about two hours from our destination."

Shepard tries again to sway her lover to her point of view, this time she pulls her close and trails kisses down Liara's neck. "Who says I need more than two hours. I'm game for a quickie." Her kisses raise goose bumps on Liara's skin.

"Shepard.." Liara sighs, trying to fight the desire welling up in her. "This really isn't-ah!" she exclaims in surprise when Shepard nips the soft skin just behind her ear. She fidgets trying to fight her body and think clearly. "Really, there's things that, need doing.." She's barely able to think straight, let alone talk as Shepard slowly turns her around to kiss at the base of her neck. Working at her armor clasps.

"C'mon Liara," Shepard whispers in her lover's ear, "You know you want this." She gets the neck brace off and slowly works the armor open and off of Liara. Trailing kisses down the bare skin as she strips more of the armor off. She smiles when Liara gasps and sighs in pleasure. She feels the moment that Liara's knees give way as she sags into her hold.

"Oh goddess." Liara moans. She turns around and slides Shepard's sweatshirt off, returning Shepard's kisses to her lips.

Shepard chuckles as she removes the last bits of armor. "I knew you'd agree." She slowly pulls on the zipper to Liara's under armor suit.

Liara is too busy undoing Shepard's belt to respond. As Shepard slides her hands under the shoulders of her under armor suit Liara slides her hands under the hem of Shepard's tank. Both suit and tank hit the floor almost simultaneously.

Shepard lifts Liara onto her desk to finish removing the suit from her feet. She takes Liara's foot and kisses up her leg, slowly. She pauses just above Liara's knee and looks up to grin mischievously at her lover.

Liara pulls Shepard's head up to hers, and pulls her close for a deep kiss. Grasping Liara's legs to her waist, Shepard takes her to the bed and lays her down. She stands over Liara and removes her pants. She leans over Liara on her hands and knees, and pulls the Asari to her by the small of her back. Liara gasps as Shepard begins to massage her. She pulls Shepard down on top of her. Where their skin touches fire erupts in her. Each stroke of Shepard's makes their bodies move in unison, wave by wave, she brings her lover closer to ecstasy. On Liara's next arch Shepard slides her hand around front and massages Liara just in the right spot.

Liara grips Shepard hard by her hair with one hand and digs the nails of her other hand into her lover's back. Her mouth opens in deep pleasure. She pulls Shepard even closer and locks mouths with her. Each bites at the others lips and tongues, savagely exploring their mouths.

Shepard increases her tempo and within minutes both women climax in beautiful unison.

Shepard gulps air into her lungs, trying to slow her heartbeat. She is laying next to Liara who has her head cradled on her chest.

Kissing the top of Liara's blue head she whispers, "Now, about that arming up?"

Liara chuckles as she sits up. "Let me guess, you want my help."

Shepard remains laying down, admiring Liara from this angle, "It would be more fun. I could do you."

"I think you just did." Liara gives Shepard's foot a playful shove as Shepard sticks her tongue out at her.

"Touché." She sits up and turns towards her locker. Sighing heavily she proceeds to dress in her body suit as Liara gets hers back on. She comes over holding Shepard's N7 chest piece. The two of them quickly buckle each other into armor. All the while exchanging little kisses.

"Commander." Joker comes over the intercom, "We're approaching Ferris Fields now. ETA in twenty."

"Copy that Joker, have Garrus meet us in the Cargo hold. Time to gear up."

"Aye Commander, Joker out."

Liara and Shepard descend the lift together and begin arming up for the mission. Shepard chooses her Paladin pistol and Valkyrie assault rifle. Liara chooses just her Arc pistol, preferring to rely on her biotics this mission. Truly, she wants to be as unburdened as possible in case anything happens to Shepard.

Garrus steps off the lift and joins Shepard at the weapons bench. He lays his M-98 Widow sniper rifle down on the table. "Poor baby hasn't been shot in so long. Could have issues." he grumbles.

"Then you'd best make sure there aren't any before we get dirt side." Shepard nudges him with her elbow, "Should've kept better care of your gear Vakarian. You're getting sloppy in your vaca."

He returns the nudge, only coming with his strength, its more like a shove, "Not all of us have such easily dismantled guns Shepard."

They both grin as Cortez comes around from the shuttle, "All is set and ready to go Commander."

"Load out." Shepard orders as her squad climbs aboard. She grabs her usual handhold as Liara and Garrus take the seats and hold on.

"What are we expecting ground side, Shepard?" Garrus finishes the last bit of cleaning on his sniper rifle. He looks down the sights towards the deck.

"What we know is that Cerberus cells are attacking and occupying colonies in an effort to gain top dog. We're here as fire support to push Cerberus back and out. If necessary we'll help the colonists establish a militia before we go to the next colony. In the terminus systems I doubt that they will need much help with combat training. But it never hurts to pass along some advice and supplies."

"Sounds like a good plan." Liara looks up at Shepard, "Are you ready for this?"

Shepard knows there's more to Liara's question than battle readiness. "We're here to do the job. There's no time for second guessing." Her commander voice and tone worries Liara. But she keeps her thoughts to herself, and vows to keep a close eye on Shepard. Glancing at Garrus she sees he's most likely thinking the same thing.

"Wheels down in 5 Ma'am." Cortez radios from the cabin, "Looks like at least a dozen contacts at the LZ."

"Copy that." Shepard responds, "Maintain radio connection. We'll call you for Evac."

Garrus stands and gives the door a double pound with his fist as the shuttle comes to a stationary hover. The door pops away from the shuttle and slides towards their right, aft of the shuttle.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

"Feet first into hell, yet again." Shepard mutters as they drop the short fifteen feet to the ground.

Garrus quickly grabs cover to her left behind a stack of crates, already peering around the edge, scoping out targets. Liara flanks right into cover as Shepard does a quick dive roll behind a low wall. Looking over the wall she spots five Cerberus assault troopers gathered in a half circle looking in toward a Centurion. He is standing over two kneeling civilians. One looks to be a dock worker of some kind. His clothes are the overalls and work shirts she's seen before. The other is a woman in a low grade body armor suit. Most likely a merc or civilian militia. Both are kneeling with their arms on their heads. The man is looking down and Shepard can tell by his shaking shoulders that he is sobbing, probably terrified out of his wits.

The woman though, she is looking directly at the Centurion without any fear in her face. They are too far away for Shepard to hear what they are saying to each other. But it appears to be some form of interrogation, as the Centurion delivers a swift blow from his knee to the woman's face. She reels back, blood pouring from her nose.

Shepard wastes no more time, she fires off a drone into the mix to distract the Cerberus troops. Liara blasts the Centurion with a warp field that knocks him back a few paces, as Garrus' sniper finds targets. Each target he finds, their head explodes in a shower of blood and gore.

Shepard uses her assault rifle with deadly accuracy as her drone and turret mow down the Cerberus troops' shields. Leaving them vulnerable to her rifle, Liara's biotics, and Garrus' sniper. In the matter of a few minutes the skirmish is over. The civilians had the sense to duck and roll when the bullets started flying. They stand now and walk over towards Shepard. Her and her squad meet the civies half way.

"I'm Commander Shepard, Alliance military, and Council Spectre. What happened here?"

The woman must have been military once, her body instinctively snaps to attention, she does refrain from saluting, interestingly enough. "What brings a hero out to our neck of the woods?"

"Admiral Hackett received word that Cerberus has been active in this system of late. We're here to investigate why." Shepard looks pointedly around the dock they are standing on. The man is still standing by the woman, saying nothing as he looks down at his boots. Shepard suspects he is probably still in shock. A small part of her is disgusted by his obvious show of cowardice, but she quickly quashes that part of her mind. Not everybody is a hero or brave.

"Hell, isn't that just fine and dandy?" The woman's sarcasm, disdain, and grating accent are getting on Shepard's nerves. If this woman was Alliance, it was a long time ago. "Just as always, Alliance shows up after the issues happen. Where were you before Cerberus attacked?"

Shepard has to bite her tongue, literally, to keep from snapping at this woman. "Soldier, what's your name? And where do I find your colony? If you don't answer me, I'm going to assume that you are refusing our aid, and I'll leave. You aren't my only problem today to fix." The woman glares at her, lips pressed tightly together. Shepard returns the woman's glare, look for look. She waves off the woman as she turns away. She doesn't have time for pointless arguments with people who clearly don't want her help. She's always hated the Terminus systems, ever since she was a girl.

"Wait, don't go!" the man finally speaks up. He grabs Shepard's arm. Instinct kicks in and she moves to trow him off her and to the ground. Her consciousness catches up to her before the throw. and she lowers him back to the ground, her hand tight around his throat.

"You really shouldn't surprise a soldier." She mutters to him as he stumbles back gasping and coughing.

"Shepard.." Garrus only half heartily says. Shepard knows he is going to lecture her.

"Save it." She hisses at him, "The man was out of line." She turns away from Garrus as he starts to shake his head. "Well?" She asks the pair in front of her. The man is kneeling down coughing still. She growls inwardly. He really is a coward and fool. She didn't grab him that hard. The woman is still standing there, feet planted solidly, arms crossed decisively. Her head tilted up away from Shepard. Its as plain as day this woman is not going to talk to her.

"Screw you." She says turning away again. "Fall in." She orders as she walks back past Liara and Garrus. She compacts and holsters her pistol.

"Shepard to Cortez." She leans her head down into her mic.

"Cortez here, go ahead."

"Meet us at the rendezvous. We're done here."

"Copy that Ma'am. ETA in five."

As the Kodiak settles in for boarding, Garrus and Liara climb aboard first. Shepard transfers her rifle to her left hand as she grasps the hand hold to pull herself in. She turns back to look at the pair from the landing pad. The man is still on his knees, but he just looks dejected. The woman hasn't moved an inch. She is still staring Shepard down. Shepard steps up into the shuttle throttling the mechanism that closes the door. She looks down at her rifle, noting at some point in the fray she'd managed to get blood on it. She doesn't remember meleeing anyone. As she slides her helmet off something pulls at the back of her neck, causing pain to shoot down her spine. Gasping she stumbles to the right. She grasps the hand hold on the wall, her stomach reeling unpleasantly.

"Kelly!" Liara cries, she jumps up and goes to her lover. "You're bleeding. Where?"

"I dunno. gods, that hurts." She hisses.

Garrus gets up and guides the Commander to sit down on one of the seats, turning her so he can see her back. His sharp intake of breath tells it all.

Shepard turns her helmet, still in her hands, around to see the back. There, at the bottom edge, just off center to the right, cracks web out from severe scorch marks. "What the hell?"

"How did this happen?" Liara kneels down in front of Shepard, "Kelly, are you alright?"

"Ah!" a sharp cry escapes her as Garrus pulls her back plate off to expose the rest of the wound. "Gods above, Garrus! Warn me when you're about to do something like that."

"Well, it can't be too serious if your yelling at me." Garrus chuckles as he uses the scissors from the first aid kit to cut away the charred remains of her body suit from in and around the wound.. "This looks like someone caught you with an incendiary round. Did you ever turn your back to them?"

Shepard whips her head around to glare hard at Garrus. "You think I'm a fool Garrus? A green piece of fresh meat?" He forces her to turn away as he pulls a particularly embedded piece of suit out of the wound.

She hisses again, biting back a yell. "I never broke cover."

"What about when took out that sniper?" Liara pulls Shepard's face back towards her. "I took down an Engineer while you were facing away. Maybe a stray round caught you?"

"Who cares." Another yelp escapes her as Garrus applies medigel and a bandage. "Dammit Garrus. You make a lousy nurse." Flinching away from Garrus she nearly falls off the seat. Liara catches her and slides her back onto the seat.

Garrus helps stabilize her. "I'd say the term is medic. You'll need to take a look at that once we're back aboard the Normandy."

Shepard growls her frustration as she slumps against the seat back. She yelps again as the movement puts too much pressure on the wound. "Son of a-" She mumbles. She leans forward propping her arms and head on her knees.

Liara comes around to kneel down in front of her. "Kelly?"

"I'm fine Liara!" Shepard snaps. "Gods, I'm so tired of you constantly doubting me!"

"I'm not doubting you." Liara fights to control her temper. She has to remind herself that Shepard is in pain, and that's why she's being short and temperamental. "I'm worried about you."

Shepard whips her head up to glare at Liara, "And I keep telling you I'm fine."

"You were shot. You didn't even feel it or remember it."

"That's a soldier for you." Shepard growls, "We're too busy to notice a little scratch."

Liara's temper snaps. "Scratch?" She launches to her feet. "Your armor was melted to your skin! That's not just a scratch!"

"I was too busy to deal with it then. If you don't remember, I was saving your ass!"

Liara opens her mouth to argue but shuts it when Garrus gives her a shake of his head out of Shepard's line of sight.

Garrus pats Shepard on her shoulder, right on the injury, "Easy Shepard, you're in pain let me see if I've got something in this bag."

"No shit I'm in pain!" She roars, "You just slapped me, did you forget there was an injury there?"

"Nah, looked like your bandage was slipping."

"Like hell it was." She grumbles looking back to the deck again. She feels Garrus at the bandage adjusting it. She feels a slight pinch on the side of her neck. She moves her hand up to feel it. Her world spins ever so slightly. She turns drowsily to glare at Garrus, "You slimy, treacherous, piece of-" She never finishes the sentence as she slumps back.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

Garrus catches her before she cracks her head on the bulkhead again. "Here, help me lie her down." Garrus slides out of the seat and eases Shepard's upper body down.

Liara grabs her feet and rolls her up on the seat. "Did you really have to drug her?" She props a hand on her hip accusingly.

"It was that or watch her complain and bitch and moan about being coddled again. Easiest this way."

Liara sighs impatiently as she sits down beside Shepard. She wonders if her lover will ever learn how to stay out of trouble. Or at least you'd think she would've figured out how to dodge. "Lieutenant Cortez, radio the Normandy and have standing by in the cargo hold. Shepard has been hit. She needs medical treatment."

"Right away Dr. T'Soni. ETA is in ten."

"Copy that Lieutenant." Liara holds Shepard's head in her lap, stroking the commander's red hair.

"Liara?" Garrus asks, imploring. "Do you want to talk?"

Liara looks up to Garrus standing at the door, he's holding Shepard's helmet. "What Garrus?"

He tosses her the helmet, "Another inch up and we wouldn't have her right now."

Liara inspects the hole and cracks. Garrus is right, another inch and the bullet would have burned straight through the seam at the rear of the helmet. She shakes her head. "I'm trying Garrus. I really am. She won't open up to me. I've seen what's haunting her. But she won't talk to me about it. I'm afraid the nightmares will return." She sets the helmet down on the seat to her left.

"We'll figure this out." Garrus give a decisive nod.

"Final approach to the Normandy. Everyone hold on."

The shuttle shudders as it transitions to the docking bay. Then eases down, a slight jostle and they are secure to the Normandy. "Wheels down, equalizing pressure now." A hissing sounds through the cabin as the pressures equal out.

"Garrus help me with her." Liara stands up taking Shepard's upper body in her arms.

Garrus steps in to carry her, "Here let me."

Liara lets him pick up Shepard as she opens the door. There is and EDI with a gurney. Tali, Kaiden, and Vega stand off to the side.

Tali is wringing her hands nervously. She steps up as Garrus lays Shepard face down on the gurney. "Is she ok? How bad is it?"

"It looks worse than it is." Liara says holding Tali close in a one armed hug. "Garrus doped her. She'll be ok." Garrus looks up at Liara and gives her a small smile. She returns it. He's impressed by her ability to lie to the Quarian. Shepard is pretty bad off, just not in the way that Tali meant.

As and EDI rush Shepard up to the med-bay, Liara and Tali follow. Garrus turns to the others. "Stray round." He says as he turns to the work bench and begins to clean the weapons.

James steps up beside Garrus and takes the Commanders weapons. "What happened down there?" He starts to wipe down Shepard's rifle. Cleaning the blood off it methodically.

"We took care of the Cerberus cell. But the colonists refused our continued help."

Kaiden steps up and takes the Commander's pistol, he begins to disassemble and clean it. "How did Shepard get hit?"

"We're not sure. Liara and I were pinned down and taking fire. We had our own targets to deal with. We didn't even know she'd been hit until we got back to the shuttle."

"How does someone, even a soldier get hit with an incendiary round and not notice it?" James sounds disbelieving.

"Heat of the battle, I suppose." Garrus scowls at the sniper in his hands. There's got to be something they can do. The men remain silent as they work at cleaning the gear up.

Shepard slowly comes around. She blinks her eyes open and is confused by her surroundings. Everything is white and blurry. She slowly raises up to a sitting position.

"Whoa, hey. Take it easy commander. You've had a rough day."

Everything comes rushing back to her, and she remembers that she needs to kick Garrus' ass. "Where the hell is Garrus? That Turian is overdue for an ass whooping." She tries to lever herself to a standing position.

puts her arms firmly on Shepard's upper arms. "Sit right back down. Now."

Shepard sits. She's always admired . She reminds her of her own mother. Its nice to have a motherly figure around. "Aye Ma'am." she says sheepishly, "I'll behave."

"You had better do so. Or I'll have to tie you to the bed, and it won't be fun. Now hold still I need to look at this."

Shepard turns to her left, trying to get the doc out of her line of sight. It always hurts worse when you watch and are expecting it. She sees Liara seated on the bed next to her. "Liara? Are you ok?"

She stands up and comes to Shepard's side. "I'm alright love. I was just resting."

"Oh ok. Ah!" she cries out in surprise and pain as Chakwas pulls the bandage off. "What the hell? Are you two trying to kill me?"

mutters an apology, but Shepard can tell her heart wasn't in it. "It looks to be healing well. Between your implants and the medigel, you should be fine in a day or two. You will have a new scar though. The wound was a deep one, and the burns surrounding will take a little longer to heal. You got off lucky. Any higher and we would still be picking up the pieces of you from off the ground."

"Way to cheer a girl up doc."

"Go on, get out of here. Liara keep an eye on her. if it becomes red or inflamed get me immediately.

"Yes Ma'am." Liara attempts a salute, but her nerves are too shot and she hasn't had a true military training. It ends up being a weak hand wave.

Shepard stands up and braces herself as the world tilts ever so slightly. "What the hell did Garrus give me?"

Chakwas just grins. "Take it easy for the rest of today and tomorrow. I don't want to see you back here until at least three days from now."

Shepard snaps to attention, a little unsteady, and salutes, "Aye, aye Ma'am." Liara helps steady her as she walks out of the med bay.

"Joker," Shepard can't help but look up towards the bridge as she calls him on the radio. "Plot a course to the next colony co-ordinates."

"Aye aye ma'am." Joker responds.

"You had better hope that is takes us at least a day to get there. You are supposed to be resting." Liara scolds her as they board the lift.

"Gods, I'm tired of resting. I need to move. To fight." They disembark the lift and Shepard brushes off Liara and her help. She determinedly walks to her desk chair and has a seat.

"Moving and fighting is what gets you into these situations." Liara stands to Shepard's left, arms crossed over her chest. "Are we going to talk or not?"

"Talk?" Shepard turns to look up at Liara. "What's the point in talking? All it does it make things worse. It does nothing to help. I'm tired of talking."

"You don't get a choice anymore Kelly. You're not doing anyone any good by bottling all this up. Its affecting your performance as a soldier and I know that Hackett could take your ship away and put you in therapy if you don't fix this."

Shepard stands up pissed now, "Don't you dare tell me what I can or cannot do. You are no judge of my capabilities to perform my duties."

"As the only one who is with you nearly every moment of everyday. I think I'm the only one capable of judging you."

Shepard growls and turns away from Liara, she can't do this. "Why can't everyone just leave me the hell alone?" She bellows as she starts toward the door.

Liara grabs her by the shoulder, using her biotics to hold tight. "Don't you dare walk away again. You have got to get a hold of yourself. You have to straighten up and fly right." She looks hard into Shepard's eyes, "Or, or I won't be here anymore. I'll leave." There, she'd made it final. Made the final step to get Shepard to help herself.

Shepard wrenches out of Liara's grasp. The pain of Liara's ultimatum stings her in the heart, a burning acid to her. "Then you had best leave. I'm fine. I'll be fine." She turns and takes the lift down to engineering.

Liara stands there, completely in shock. She had not expected Shepard to actually leave. Sinking into the desk chair, the sobs and tears she held back all day, escape her. She literally feels like she is crying her heart out. She can only pray that when Shepard cools off she'll come back. Please goddess, let her come back.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

Shepard exits the lift, furious and in anguish over the argument with Liara. Liara! Her love, her other half. How could she tell her that? Shepard takes the stairs down to the bowels of the ship. Down where Jack used to shelter while aboard the Normandy. She hopes no one thinks to look for her here. She's got to figure this out. Pacing as she fumes, her mind is a whirlwind, an inferno of anger and pain.

How could Liara make her that choice? What is everyone so obsessed about? She can handle this fine on her own. Only a part of her, the part that always speaks rationally, tells her she's fooling herself. This isn't something to be dealt with alone. But what good will talking do? She's not about to cry her life out to some shrink. She is not gonna let Liara know the turmoil in her soul. Liara can't know her past. Not Mindoir, not Akuze. Not the catalyst. She knows she's not the glorified, righteous, hero the galaxy paints her to be. But It would be pointless to expose who she really is. It could ruin everything. There's no way Liara will take her if she knew the shame, the evil of her past.

With nothing else to do to release the pent up frustration and anger, Shepard begins to work out. Using any and every heavy routine she knows. Trying to sweat out her troubles. Give her mind something else to think about. Thankfully there is enough space her for her to really stretch out and go through the more aggressive combat exercises and routines she knows.

Liara paces in the hallway to the engine room, EDI has sealed the doors leading in and is standing guard. "EDI I swear by the goddess, if you do not let me in I will have to use my biotics and make you let me in."

"With all due respect Dr.T'Soni, I cannot let you in. The commander is busy and in need of her privacy." EDI doesn't even flinch at Liara's threats.

"But what is she doing down there? Why can't you let me see her?" Is she alright?"

"I assure you doctor, were she in any danger to herself I would have called you and immediately."

"Then why won't you let me in?"

"Because you would scold her for her activities. Possibly inciting another outburst. I assure you Doctor, I have researched what she is doing and it is not detrimental to her health, and seems to be of great help to her. Once she indicates otherwise I will be happy to open the doors for you."

Liara growls in frustration turning away from the door and continues pacing. She wants to know what Shepard is hiding and what is so bad that she can't talk about it. Mostly she just wants to hold her and apologize for her words, take back that ultimatum. Beg her forgiveness.

Shepard finishes a particularly difficult routine and comes to a rest. Slightly out of breath she sits on the duct work and breathes. The exercises have done what she'd hope they would, calmed her down. Given her a clear head to think. Maybe Liara is right. Maybe she does need to talk things out. But what good would it really do? What's the point of sitting there for hours just talking? That doesn't resolve anything. Actions do. So, how does one fight emotional and historical baggage? Liara would probably say to fight them with words, by talking. But that just leads to more unproductively and useless sniveling. She's sure as hell had enough of that in her lifetime. This isn't helping anything.

Standing up she addresses EDI, "How long have you been spying on me?"

EDI's voice comes over the com, "How did you know? I showed no physical presence."

"I didn't until just now." Shepard chuckles at her little prank.

"I see. As to answer your earlier question. I have been observing you since the beginning of your exercises."

"Is there anyone looking for me?"

"Dr.T'Soni is waiting for you out side of Engineering. I sealed the doors inside before I returned to the bridge, so as to not disturb you."

"Um, well. Thanks, I guess." Shepard rubs absently at the back of her neck. "Time to go pay the piper then." Steeling her self, she walks up the stairs and stops just at the sealed door.

"Pardon me Shepard." EDI displays her globe hologram beside the door. "What is the meaning of that expression? To 'Pay the Piper'?"

"It's an old human term. It comes from a fairy tale. Basically it means to pay the consequence of your actions. In this case, I need to face Liara and apologize for my words and actions against her."

"I will have to think on this one." EDI's avatar fades as the doors slide open.

There is Liara, face etched in worry. Worry that quickly shifts through relief, apprehension, then ends on anger as she rounds on Shepard.

"What is the matter with you? How could you just walk away from me like that? What were you thinking? What were you doing down there?" She takes a step forward with each question, bearing down on Shepard.

Shepard backs up, surprised by this amount of emotion from Liara. Normally she is the irrational one and Liara the calm, steady, unflappable anchor. The roles seem to have reversed today. "Look, Liara wait-"

"Oh no." Liara puts a hand over Shepard's mouth, "You do not get to argue this time. You have to get help. I can't handle this anymore. I can't stand seeing you torn up this way, nor can I stand the thought of living without you." Her eyes glisten up at this statement.

Shepard takes hold of Liara's hand and gently kisses it as she steps closer. Liara opens her mouth to argue, but Shepard places a soft finger on her lips. She pulls Liara into a hug and whispers into her ear, "Hush Love. I know."

Leaning out of the embrace, Liara looks at her lover shocked, "Then what have you been doing down there?"

"Meditating." Shepard says simply. Hoping to dodge an explanation.

"You don't meditate, not sitting still at least."

No luck, "I was doing unarmed combat routines."

"Combat routines?" Liara's voice starts to climb.

"Look, hush." Shepard leads Liara over to the windows overlooking the cargo bay. "What does it matter how I meditate? All I want to say is, talking isn't my thing. Especially about my past." She holds up a hand to stop the question Liara is about to ask, "It just isn't. I know I have to. I'm just not sure how."

"I know your past Kelly." Liara snipes.

A bark of laughter escapes Shepard, "Oh no. No you don't. You know what the records and news feeds show. Trust me. You don't know me. What they show in records, news feeds? That's about as far from the truth as you can get."

"The news feeds I can see exaggerating your story. But the records, they are as solid as they come. The Alliance has never been known to alter or falsify its records. And my resources as the Broker have never turned up anything to prove otherwise."

Shepard can't help but smile at the trust Liara puts in her broker informants. "Just trust me. No one, other than those I've killed, know the true path, choices, and deeds of my past."

"If its so big and profound, then it can't have stayed under the radar all this time. More must know about whatever it is."

Shepard smiles inwardly thinking how much this must gall the Shadow Broker side of Liara. "In time I will tell you everything. I promise."

Her and Liara take the lift up to the mess hall. Shepard snags a bottle of water from the cooler and an orange from the fruit stand. Their last supply stop had managed to find fresh fruit, a real commodity for space faring vessels. Liara just pours herself a glass of an Asari drink she prefers. Its a darker amber than most teas, but she says that's the closet human equivalent.

"Is there anything you can start with?" Liara asks, sitting down at the table.

Shepard tosses the orange from one hand to the other. Making it spin in the air. Her mind flashes to sunshine, salty sea air, a ringing laugh, boys playing in the surf. Its a random memory, a happy one. One of the few happy ones she still has from Mindoir. She smiles in spite of herself.

Liara watches Shepard's expression shift, her awareness changing. A smile plays over her face. She sees her amber eyes glisten a bit. "Do you care to share? Whatever it is, has made you smile."

"Hmm? Oh, yeah I guess." Shepard rolls the orange in her hands, her nails picking at the tough skin, before she tosses it high in the air again. "It's a silly memory really." Catching the fruit she rolls it in her hands before giving it back spin and tossing it up again, "It was late spring. The air had just turned warm from the spring rain and chills. I remember my brother and I had begged Mum for weeks to take us down to the beach." Shepard continues to toss the fruit. Watching it arc higher, and higher on each toss. "Mindoir wasn't known for its beaches or oceans. It was a farming colony. But the shores, they were our escapes. All the colonists loved the beaches. It was part of the Sunday tradition. Church, barbecues, and then down to the beach for the afternoon, before returning for dinner." Pausing, Shepard sits down, the orange coming to rest in her cupped hands. She has a far away look in her eyes, like she isn't just talking about this memory.

Liara is fascinated she has never heard Shepard talk about Mindoir. Never. The two of them used to talk about everything under the Goddess' eye. But not Mindoir. Never Mindoir.

Shepard continues her recollection, "This one time Mum brought a bushel of oranges, fresh picked from our orchard, with us to the beach. Gosh, they were so amazing. The first fruits off the tree. Fresh, crisp. The flavors and juice would explode into our mouths. Mum always teased us when we were picking, that more of the fruits ended up on the ground or in our bellies than the baskets."

Shepard rolls the orange between her hands. Giving it a slight squeeze as she does so. "Anyway, we had these at the beach and our friends came over. Tam and Juno had came for their own share. Only, boys being boys, kids really, Tam wanted the one I had. So his stealing it resulted in a game of chase across the sand, through the surf, and finally on the ground. By the time I'd caught him, the poor orange was ruined beyond eating. But the game was such fun we did it again with Juno's orange and again with a fresh one. We tried to catch the culprit before the oranges got squished. We never did." one of her barking laughs escapes her, "Mum near about tanned our hides for weeks afterwards." She sighs happily as she relaxes back.

Liara isn't sure what to say. She was smiling and restraining laughs throughout the tale, but she also is nearly in tears for the happy times that Shepard so obviously misses. So she just smiles at her bondmate. Hoping her silence will illicit another tale.

Shepard's eyes regain their more recent hard edge as she come out of her reverie. "Anyway, that was a long time ago." She stands up, "Its late. We should get some rest. Got another colony to save tomorrow." With that she walks away from Liara and boards the lift.

Liara watches her go. Wondering what it was that broke through the barrier. She wishes she knew what it was, so she could employ it again. It was nice to hear Kelly laugh again, even seeing her lop sided grin was a balm to her aching heart.

Liara goes to her room lost in thought and worry about the mission to come.

Back in her cabin Shepard strips out of her uniform as she makes her way to the bed. Boots and socks get kicked off under her desk. NWU blouse lands across the back of the couch, pants on the floor by the nightstand. In her tank and shorts she falls onto the bed, arms spread wide. She stares out of the sky window at the stars and the blue shimmer of the Normandy's FTL mass effect field. The aches of the day catch up with her as she turns to her right, curling up she quickly falls asleep.


	14. Chapter 14

She is sixteen again. Trapped, forced to lay there, trying to find something, anything to distract her. The smells. They assault her nose the worst. But focusing on them is better than focusing on what is happening to her. She can think on them, dissect each smell, name it, and move on to another. Her eyes are shut tight. Hoping that the monster inside will go away if she ignores him hard enough. That horrid monster, in her home, inside of her. She can't get away fast enough, can't fight him off. She tries to get away, but the pain continues and all she can do is try to distract herself. Smells fade and instead she tries to count the sounds of gunfire. Tries to discern which is what type. Her Da used to take her out on the range, she knows guns. Only too many things keep distracting her. Each new kick or punch, slap. Each hit makes her lose concentration. It gets too hard to ignore that stench. That other stench. That overwhelming reek of decay, smoke, filth, and that thick cloying smell of blood, blood. That smell is burned into her nose. The entire scent. Forever to haunt her. Even with her eyes clenched shut, that four eyed, pebbled, slimy, skinned face sneers at her still. Forever to haunt her.

Snapping awake Shepard coughs, the smell still in her nose. The scent fades a bit with each heartbeat. She twists around, seeing her bed soaked in night sweats. But there is also blood there. She reaches up behind and feels the shoulder wound. Her hand comes away slick with blood.

"Not now." She grumbles as she bundles the sheets down the laundry. She turns the shower on hot and steps under its steaming spray. Hoping to wash the dream away. No, memory, not a dream. A memory brought up from talking about Mindoir. She hadn't spoken in years about her childhood. Hadn't had a dream in years about it. Its no coincidence that the same night she tells a memory that the dreams start again.

After her quick shower she dresses in her under armor suit and goes down the lift to the CIC.

Stepping out of the lift she walks straight to the bridge. There is hardly anyone is at the stations at this early hour. 04:30 is a bit early, even for sailors and marines. She listens for a moment by the airlock, hearing Joker and EDI inside the bridge.

"..You seriously want to know about Idioms?" She can hear Joker, amusement in his voice.

"Shepard told me about one, and I am curious as to more that are in the human language."

"Well, I dunno. There are lots. Hard to pick a place to begin."

"While monitoring traffic for security breaches, I came across an Ensign's message that had the phrase "Funny Farm". He seemed to think that is where the Commander should be. What is a Funny Farm, why would the Commander be there? She was not part of a farming family on Mindoir, so far as I can tell."

Joker whirls on EDI, his demeanor changing to rage in an instant, "Who said this? And please, tell me you confiscated the message?"

"I did, I cannot disclose private identities unless orders have been disobeyed . This message was never sent so I cannot in good faith betray his anonymity."

"Anonymity my ass." Joker grumbles, "He should be the one locked up."

"Locked up? Joker, please explain what this phrase is supposed to mean."

Shepard steps on to the bridge. "It means this individual believes I belong in a mental institute. As in, rehabilitation."

"Jesus Shepard!" Joker jumps and spins his seat around, "We gotta put a bell on you, or you have got to warn a guy when you sneak up on him."

"That would defeat the purpose of using stealth Jeff." EDI points out. Sometimes it really is interesting to have a Learning AI on board. Gives Shepard a new look onto humanity. "Why would this Officer believe that of you Commander? It is true that your mental health has been poor for these last weeks. But never was there any diagnosis for institute provided care."

"Thanks EDI, way to help a girl feel better."

"I apologize for any offense, none was intended. I was merely stating the facts, as I see them."

"Forgiven. As to answer your question. Some of the crew have seen me at not my best, um, behavior. It would lead to questions about my ability to perform my duties. Doubtless this officer is of the persuasion that my actions are not up to his standards of mental capacity fit to command." It hurts Shepard to hear one of her own crew would believe that of her. They've all been through this hell together. But it doesn't really surprise her. Many harbor resentment, jealousy, and anger at the decisions she's had to make. No doubt he is looking for a way to get back at her for what she's done. Its unfortunate that he witnessed her in one of her episodes. Obviously she'll need to be more careful in what she says around who.

"It is not his decision to judge your fitness to command." Joker growls, turning back around front. "Stupid air for brains ass hat."

"It's alright Joker, I understand where he is coming from." She rests a hand on his shoulder. "How far out are we from Feros?"

"ETA is oh six hundred, Commander."

"Copy that."

"Seems wrong for Cerberus to harass these folks. Haven't they had enough to deal with?"

"One would think. At least we know this port is friendly."

"That is true."

"I'll be in the mess if anyone needs me." Shepard turns away and heads down to the mess to grab some coffee and bagel while she waits.

"Good morning Shepard." Kaiden says from one of the tables. "Coming to join me?"

"Morning Kaiden. I suppose I might as well. The rest of the crew should be awake soon. Why are you up so early?"

He raises his coffee mug, "Getting the fresh coffee. It's a morning tradition."

She breathes deep the aroma of her own coffee. Thick and bitter. Black as coal, just as she likes it. "It is a good tradition. I don't often get the first cup from the morning coffee."

"I could get used to this Hero of the Galaxy treatment." Kaiden jokes, "Wherever we make port, locals are offering up the best of their crops."

"It does have it perks. Personally I'd prefer to never touch foot in another one of Hackett's, or the Council's, victory parades. It's a load of bull."

"People need to see you Shepard. Gives them hope. Relief. When they see you, they know that their struggles were worth it. You give them confidence."

"I need a stunt double."

This surprises a laugh out of Kaiden, "If only."

"At least Hackett can still find work for us. Even if it is chasing pirates, merchs, and Cerberus around the galaxy."

"Work is work. What colony are we helping this time?"

"Feros. They requested aid. I don't think they'll be expecting to get the Normandy."

"With any luck, this cell will see the Normandy and turn tails running."

Shepard grins and raises her mug, "Here's to making Cerberus run away, tails between their legs." They both laugh as the crew begin filing into the mess for breakfast chow. Shepard smiles when she sees Tali and Liara come in. She waves them over to join her and Kaiden. Tali waves back then points to the chow buffet set up. Shepard nods her understanding as Liara comes over.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Shepard asks when Liara sits down next to her.

"Tali is going to get something for me. How are you this morning?"

Shepard tries to weigh if this is a loaded question, she decides its simple small talk, "Well enough. You sleep good?"

"Thank you Tali." Liara accepts a tray from Tali.

"Happy to help." She responds, sitting beside Kaiden.

"I'm well Kelly, thank you."

As the meal continues in silence. Shepard can't help herself but to look around the mess and wonder how many more of her crew felt the same as anonymous ensign. How many of them want to see their commander committed and shamed? She told Joker that she understood why the ensign thought what he did. But that was only half the truth. She understands why they think that of her. But a part of her knows, and understands, that maybe she does belong there. It wouldn't be the first time. Gods above know that. But maybe it is time to go back, before things get too out of hand.

Knowing that scares the hell out of her. To lose everything she's fought for. To have her past rear its ugly head, its insatiable hunger to devour her. To be reduced to a shell of a person, no escape from her own mind than to be lost in fog. To be there again scares her. She thought she was past that.

Forcing her thoughts away from there she stands up, puts her dishes into the washer, and heads to the lift. If she's going to brood, the least she can do is get armed up. She gives a smile and nod to Cortez and James as they look up at her when she reaches her locker.

She begins to strap on her armor. Each piece black as pitch. A good counterpoint to her mood. Hard edged and deadly. She grabs her spare helmet from the upper reaches of her locker and sets it to the side as she reaches for her weapons.

"How goes it Shep?" James steps up beside her. He leans against the counter intentionally blocking her from her rifle as he cleans his own pistol.

"As well as ever." She reaches past him and grabs the rifle. "Was there something you needed?"

"Just looking to chat. It's been awhile."

"We talked the other day. Don't you remember?"

"I remember you and your war buddies chatting. Wasn't much between the two of us. I know nearly nothing of you, past what's in your record."

"Because there isn't much to know."

"Sure there is. Every one's got a past, a story to tell." He picks up her helmet and turns it back and forth, looking at the reflection.

"Mine is more of a nightmare, and I ain't telling it to anyone. So drop it Vega." She ships her pistol and rifle.

"Your tough talk isn't gonna scare me off Shep. C'mon. Have a chat. What harm could it do?"

"Lots." She snatches her helmet back from him, "Leave off Vega. My past is in _my_ past, where it belongs. Don't bring this up again, that's an order." She glares hard until he snaps a salute.

"Yes Ma'am."

She nods curtly as she hooks her helmet back onto her belt. Liara and Tali come out of the lift. Liara, seeing Shepard's face comes straight to her.

She tries to phrase her question different than what she knows Kelly hates right now. "Something the matter?" She puts a hand on Kelly's arm and feels the muscles tight and quivering before Kelly shrugs her hand off. Then tightens the straps on her arm guards.

"Nothing now, it's handled." She looks up to Tali, "Ready to go?"

"Yes Shepard." Tali holsters her pistol and ships her shotgun as she walks over to Shepard and Liara by the shuttle.

"Good, then let's get this ball rolling." She jumps up into the shuttle and helps Liara and Tali in.


	15. Chapter 15

As the door shuts she sees James still standing at attention, a thoughtful scowl on his face. She shrugs it off and turns to the two women. "Alright, this time around we are landing in friendly waters. At least, we hope they are still friendly waters."

"Being that you saved them from the Thorian, I can not see them being anything less than friendly."

"Thanks Tali. I'm not really sure what we'll find when we land. If we'll land in the middle of a firefight, hostage situation, occupation? There's no telling."

"No communications have been sent?" Liara looks puzzled.

"Not since the distress call went out. I can only assume that Cerberus has taken control of the comm tower, if not the whole colony on this gods forsaken rock."

"Wheels down in five Commander." Cortez calls from the front, "Got visual on the ground, looks deserted."

"Where are they?" Tali looks out the window as she says this.

"Sounds like a trap to me." Shepard steps up behind Cortez and looks down at the landing zone.

"Looks like maybe there is one, Kel-Shepard." Liara corrects herself. As she steps beside Shepard she points out below, "See there, and there? Those crates are too big, and to asymmetrically laid out."

"Perfect for cover." Shepard mutters as she steps by the door. "Take us down Cortez."

"You do know that its a trap right?" Tali muses, "Could get interesting."

"So it could." Shepard slides her helmet on. The hiss of the seal makes her smile. "Time to dance." She mutters as the door pops open and they jump the last five feet to the ground.

Immediately they are assaulted by a barrage of bullets flying from three points ahead.

"Tali, ten o'clock! Liara, noon, I'll take two o'clock!" They both nod their acceptance as Liara cast a quick barrier for them to orient and hide behind, for a minute at least.

Shepard lobs her turret beside the crates her targets are behind, its machine gun mows one down as the other three roll out frantically. Her drone takes out another, leaving the third for her incinerate and AR to claim. His mad jig from the fire and bullets is gruesome but almost poetic to her eyes. He is long dead before she lets up on her barrage and he falls to the ground.

She snaps her attention to Liara's targets, she is caught in a one on one battle with a Cerberus adept. Shepard focuses her attention on keeping the other two behind cover, and she also sends a drone to help Tali.

A Guardian edges out from the cover, his shield deflecting her bullets. She grimaces as she redirects her drone to get behind the Guardian, his buddy shoots it down. And the shielded enemy continues his slow rumble forward. She spares a quick glance to see how Tali and Liara are doing. Liara is holding her own, the clash and swirl of biotics reminding Shepard of vids her and Cato used to watch.

A round glances off her shield snapping her back to the battle. She growls at her lapse into memory. The Guardian continues to close in. She fires a few rounds at his feet, causing him to quick step back. He then lowers his shield more and continues on.

"You've gotta be kidding me. All of The Illusive Man's base agents, and the smart one is here, now?" She throws a turret out in front of the Guardian, hoping to slow his progress long enough for her to help Tali and get her help in return.

Tali has managed to get one of her targets down, but the other is a Phantom and doing a complicated dance of jumps, dives, rolls, and leaps. "Hold still you little bosh'tet." she growls.

Shepard's fire ball makes the Phantom scurry away, trying to dodge the flaming death, only to stumble straight into the path of Tali's shotgun. Her middle disappears in a wet thwump of red gore. Tali stares sadly at the two pieces of the woman before her on the ground.

"Shake it off Tali!" Shepard cries, "I need you here!"

Tali whirls around and, seeing the Guardian turn her way, she rolls sideways to avoid his gunfire.

"Flank him!" Shepard calls. The Guardian turns back towards Shepard as Tali continues her rolls. She sidles up behind the cover and the other Cerberus trooper, an Assault trooper. She mumbles a quick prayer to her gods and knifes the poor fool to the kidney. He slips to the ground. Bleeding out in a matter of seconds.

She drops a drone outside the cover, in order to draw the Guardian's fire. As he does, she cringes when his back lights up in fierce devouring flames. Tali, unable to stand his screams, gives him the coup d'gras of her pistol to the back of the head. The flames quickly snuff out when they burn his back and belly out.

Shepard comes up and holds Tali's shoulder. "You alright?"

"Keelah Shepard." She whispers, "Do they really deserve such an end?"

'What do you mean?" Shepard looks down at the body. She only sees burned synthetics and melted armor.

"Against the Reapers, that attack never felt wrong. But, this? These are humans. Organics."

"No." Shepard says firmly. "They _were_ human. Now they are part synthetic, remorseless robots. The worst scum of Merchs."  
Tali shrugs, "They were still people." she turns away.

Shepard pats her once before stepping back. "You're such a compassionate soul Tali. I envy you for it."

"You are too, Shepard." Liara steps up beside them. Her opponent lays in a crumpled heap, her head twisted at an odd angle.

"No I'm not." Shepard turns and walks away from the landing. Looking for the entrance to the colony proper. Wondering where the backup is. Surely they made enough noise that reinforcements are on their way? When none show, she slowly makes her way through the tunnels behind the docks.

"Shepard to the Normandy." She chins her mike.

"Normandy here. You roll out the welcome mat already?"

"Copy that. Landing ports are clear for docking. I'll be taking the ground team into the colony farther, search for the colonists."

"Roger that, we'll keep the lights on for ya. Joker out."

"Shepard out." She waves Liara and Tali forward as she walks into the tunnels. This place is still just as dull, gray, and crumbling as it was the last time she came here. What is it with these people that they choose to live in such a drab depressing place?

"Its very quiet in here." Tali remarks, easing up beside Shepard. "Even when the Geth attacked here, it wasn't this quiet."

"I know. It bothers me too." Liara steps ahead of Shepard to look up from a courtyard they come to. "Even with Cerberus occupation, it shouldn't be this quiet."

Shepard feels a static cling in the air and hollers out to Liara, "Wait!"

Too late, Liara lets out a small squeak before being enveloped and frozen in shimmering blue mist. A biotic stasis field.

"Tali get down." Shepard pushes Tali down and twists to the side as a ball of a biotic warp slams into the wall behind her. Biotics. More than one, those two attacks were from separate angles. She silently signals Tali to take out the right hand Biotic, and she'll take the one across the courtyard who threw the warp. Tali nods and eases around the pillar, keeping herself blocked from view across the courtyard. She sends a drone in front of her to scout ahead for the biotic.

Shepard, satisfied that Tali will be alright, crouches low as she approaches the edge of the courtyard. When no attack comes, she feels safe in determining the warp was just a warning shot in case anyone followed Liara out of the hall.

She takes cover behind one of the pillars lining the courtyard. Peering around she doesn't see any targets, no movement in the courtyard proper. The shadows are too thick along the edges to make out much of anything. Why haven't they taken out Liara? Are they trying to use her as bait? Taking a chance of giving away her position, she lobs a turret out across the courtyard to cover Liara's far side. Ducking back quickly to avoid any return fire. None comes. Puzzled, but still wary, Shepard crouch walks out from behind the pillar. Slowly walking the circle from one pillar to the next. She hears gunfire erupt from Tali's position. She risks exposing herself to look towards the fighting across the courtyard from her now.

Tali is holding her own, but not against a Phantom as Shepard expected. This is an Asari. In Cerberus armor. For her lapse in attention, Shepard gets hit full in her side with a biotic throw. She twists and spins through the air, crashing hard against a pillar. The impact jams her breath from her lungs. Were it not for her armor, she'd have broken bones for sure. As it is, when she pushes herself off the floor to a kneel, her back and ribs give painful complaints of the treatment, warning of possible fractures. Hitting the switch that engages her suits medigel injectors, the pain quickly vanishes.

Looking towards her attacker she sees the asari coming in for a kick to her face. She rolls onto her back as the asari's knee slides past where her head was seconds ago. Continuing her roll she kicks out at the asari's back as she rises to her feet. The asari tucks into a front roll to absorb the kick, then comes to her feet. She smirks at Shepard, arms at her sides, glowing a faint blue.

Shepard slides her feet apart to shoulder width. She knows better than to draw her assault rifle, this is going to be a close quarters combat. Instead she slowly slides her knife out from her right boot. Holding it in a back handed grip.

She locks eyes with the asari and jerks her head. "Come and get me."

The asari begins her charge, throwing a biotic slam ahead of her. Shepard crouches low to dodge it, then twists, ripping into the asari's side as she darts past. The blade was moving slow enough to bypass the shields and barrier, but only succeeded in renting through the strap of her thigh armor and not penetrating the skin. Her opponent counters by stopping her dash mid stride, twisting back around to aim another kick at Shepard. This time she connects, deep into the same wounded ribs. Shepard absorbs the blow intentionally, knowing its gonna hurt like shit tomorrow, so she can lever her knife between the underside of the leg armor, into the soft tissue of the thigh muscle and through the artery.

The asari cries out in pain, and follows through with her opposite knee to Shepard's right cheek, this time with a full biotic punch behind it.

To say she saw stars would be a lie. The only thing Shepard saw was blood splatter across her face, and then blackness chase it away. When the ground meets her, it is face first. Jarring her back to alertness. Painful, throbbing, dizzying wakefulness.

Trusting that aside, she pushes herself to her knees, drawing her pistol in the same motion. The sights zero in on the asari's location, she is collapsed on the ground, in a growing pool of her own blood. Checking her team she sees Liara pick herself off the ground, gingerly stretching and rubbing her arms. Tali has eviscerated another enemy. Both are coming towards her, worry etched on their faces as she collapses into an exhausted slump on her back.

She raises and waves her hand, "I'm alright. I'm good."

"Shepard, you are bleeding." Tali says, she kneels down next to her pulling out her omni tool and running a scan.

"I'm good, honest." She starts to sit up, only to have Liara push her back down. "Honestly! I'm fine." She growls.

"Not until Tali says so."

Shepard rolls her eyes and groans. Letting her head fall back in exasperation she bumps a knot against the hard stone of the ground. "Ouch."

Liara begins to wipe away the blood and apply medigel to her forehead.

"Please don't be mad at me." She quips.

"Hush, I'm not mad." Liara puts her finger over her lips. "I didn't help any better, wandering out like a fool."

"No internal bleeding." Tali announces, she helps Shepard to her feet, "One rib cracked, another fractured, both should hold with the medigel. At least, until we get you back to the Normandy."

Shepard shrugs, twisting and stretching, being sure they won't poke or cramp on her. She just feels the deep ache. She can work with that. "The Normandy can wait. We still have a mission to complete."

"You need to look at you." Liara tries to argue as Shepard walks towards the other exit from the courtyard.

"It'll have to wait another day."

"What are you talking about?" Liara's patience is nearing its end.

"She said she didn't want to see me back there for the next three days. It's barely been two."

"Shepard. I really believe you need to see sooner." Tali interjects.

"Look, I'm fine."

"Kelly." Liara is the one to growl with impatience. "We can come back and deal with this."

"Am I the only one concerned about asari working with Cerberus?" Shepard responds, continuing out of the courtyard. Tali follows, then looks back to Liara and shrugs, following after the commander.

"Goddess curse that woman." Liara growls, jogging to catch up.

Shepard continues cautiously down the hall. Waving away Liara's latest protests. She needs absolute silence, there is something very wrong here. She needs every advantage she can get.

Walking the deserted halls it occurs to Shepard what feels wrong about this. It's the same quiet as when the Thorian took complete control of the colonists. "Liara?" She draws out the name.

"Yes commander?"

"We killed that Thorian, right?"

""It crashed down a fifty foot well in the ground. I cannot see how it would have survived. Why do you ask?"

"This all feels like when we came back after clearing out the Exogeni building. The heavy, overwhelming silence."

"Wouldn't we have seen some of the colonists by now? Or other Cerberus troops?" Liara steps into one of the apartments off the main hall.

Tali follows her in, "We know that The Illusive Man was interested in Indoctrination. Perhaps he was attempting to replicate the effects here?"

"Kelly?" Liara's voice is shaking and pitches high on the last syllable.

Shepard quick times it into the apartment, she barely looks at the small three room studio as she passes. Entering the bedroom the sight brings her up short. Two bodies are huddled together on the bed, each has the faint blue lights at the base of their necks that are part of husks, each still has flesh covering their bodies. Their clothes are tattered and worn. Stepping up she sets her hand on Liara's shoulder. She's kneeling on the ground, hand on the belly of a small girl, she couldn't be more than twelve years old.

No taint of synthetics are present on her body. Her eyes are wide in fear and death, her arms clutching a stuffed Elcor toy to her chest. The long gashes up her back and shoulders have bled dried, staining her yellow dress maroon from her blood.

Shepard steps up to the side of the bed and looks at the two bodies there. A woman and a man, they have their hands twined together, holding so tight that it would be impossible to separate them. Their lower arms are cradling a baby. Shepard can see the adults' eyes were the vibrant blue cyber optics of husks. The baby, as with the child, is free of the synthetic taint as well. Sadly as dead as the rest of its family.

"What happened here?" The barest whisper escapes Shepard. Her mind begging her not to disturb the silence of this room, this tomb. She grasps Liara's arm and pulls her up and out. Tali is leaning against the wall out in the hallway, gasping.

"You alright Tali?" Shepard touches her arm.

"Who could do that to a family?" She is completely lost, unsure of what to feel other than disgust and grief.

"Something tells me that Exogeni was back at its research. We already know they would stoop to the level of experimenting on colonists."

"Why? I understand accidental exposure to the Thorian, studying the effects is a natural instinct for a scientist." Liara goes over and holds Tali's hand.

"This raises a lot of questions, and I bet that Exogeni facility has at least some of the answers. So, lets get moving people."

"How can you be so callous?" Shepard can hear the tears in Tali's voice. "That was a family back there. Murdered, butchered. And left to rot!"

"If I cried my heart out for every family that was murdered, I'd have no more heart to give." She walks past Tali, and continues down the halls. Aiming herself in the general direction she remembers the skyway to the Exogeni corporation's building being.

Tali looks at Liara, her body language a mixture of shock, confusion, and anger.

"Let her be." Liara says, not unkindly. "She's got a lot on her mind, and grief can't be one of them."

Tali nods and the two women follow Shepard through the halls.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter Fifteen

"Shepard! The road is down there!" Liara calls for the third time as Shepard bounces the mako over deserted cars on the sloped shoulder of the bridge.

"There are husks down there." She bounces over yet another car. Racing towards the Exogeni building at the far end. "I'd rather not play bowling for husks. Besides, we're in a hurry."

Liara quiets and clings tighter to her seats harness straps and clamps harder on her stomach's attempts to revolt.

After leaving the first apartment they found eight more like it before they got to the garage with the armored mako they're in. Each holding a similar fate to its occupants. Families, individuals. Senseless mutilation and death. Kelly seemed to have shut down all her emotions and gone into her full soldier persona. The only time she has seen Kelly this way, was when they first met. She had thought her to be cold, coarse, and unapproachable. She has since warmed up. But even during the war she hadn't been this cool and distant.

"Commander, Joker here."

"Go ahead Joker."

"We've got activity at the dock, here by our airlock."

"What kind of activity?"

"The kind of husks and Cerberus Assault troops."

"Are they posing any serious threat?"

"Nothing that James and Kaiden can't handle."

"Very well then. Keep me posted."

"Aye aye Ma'am. Joker out."

"I guess we found the back up." Shepard mutters.

"Will they be alright?" Tali sounds slightly worried.

"They should be fine. We're coming up on the building now. Looks like they fixed it up, so I'm going in through the garage."

"Ok. What's our plan once we get in there?"

"Last time their confidential area was on the fourth floor. We'll start there and work our way through until we find what's going on here."

"What do you think we will be looking for?" Liara breathes a sigh of relief as Shepard skids the mako to a halt inside the garage.

"Not sure. Maybe some labs similar to what we found on Sanctuary, or Reaper tech, or miniature Thorians. I'm not sure."

"Then we had best start looking." Liara takes point entering the building through the garage stairwell.

"With the colony in this shape, who sent the distress signal?" Tali asks from the rear as Shepard takes point from Liara.

"Hard to say. Was it a lone survivor with a lucky signal, a group, an Exogeni employee? There is really no telling until we find someone alive to talk to."

They file up the stairwell, each gun and head on a constant swivel, checking each landing's door for any hostiles before moving on. The fourth floor door is just as any other, only difference is a _"No admittance - Authorized Personnel only - Level 6 clearance" _sign.

"Looks like we found the place." Shepard tries the door but the lock beeps at her. She rams her shoulder into the door, it doesn't even budge. "Tali."

"Right away."

As Tali begins work on the door Shepard tries discreetly to check her ribs. Leaning one way slightly, turning slowly, and carefully. Casually putting pressure on each one. All movements cause her to twinge and wince in pain.

"Kelly? Are you in pain?" Liara steps close and touches her arm.

"I'll be fine." Shepard puts her hand over Liara's, "Honest. I appreciate your concern, but I'm alright."

"Broken ribs are not alright. You could puncture a lung."

"The medigel is holding just fine." Shepard looks back towards the door and Tali, "You about got that door?"

"Got it." An orange flare lights up the stairwell briefly as the door pops open.

Shepard isn't sure what she expected to find inside. But what she finds is worse than anything they found on Sanctuary.

"Are those.." The words escape Tali as she steps carefully into the long room.

"I think so." Shepard steps further into the room, her rifle lowering in awe. The sides of the room are lined with pod after stasis pod. Each one containing what was once a human, and are now husks. Only these are green, not the normal, if you can call husks normal, blue and steel.

"They almost look, like trees, or plants of some kind." Liara steps close to a pod, her fingers reaching out to touch the glass.

"Don't." Shepard pushes Liara's hand away. "The last thing we need is some inadvertent breakout."

"Goddess. This is too much Shepard, why go through all this trouble?"

"Because that's what humans do. We find a new toy and exploit it for power and weaponry." Shepard turns away disgusted already of the sight. "Come on. We need to find that distress beacon and the hell off this rock."

"Shepard!" Tali cries running to catch up as Shepard walks out the other end of the room, "We can't just leave them here."

"There's nothing we can do for them. As soon as we're back aboard the Normandy, I'm torching this city. Too much anguish and abominations have taken place here. Exogeni can go fuck itself and take it up with the Council."

"There could still be people alive in here."

"Then pray that we find them."

Tali's next argument dies in her throat at the glare that Shepard gives her.

The rest of the facility was clean of any life, even roaches seemed to have deserted this place.

"Shepard to Normandy."

"Normandy, Joker here. Go ahead."

"Has there been any shuttle activity starting once we entered the system until just after our dance with those Asari?"

"Yes Shepard." EDI's voice comes over the com, "As we decelerated from the relay another ship engaged a cloak and exited orbit to the far system boarder. Only a close inspection revealed a glimmer of the vessel as it went through the atmosphere."

"Was it Cerberus?"

"Aye Ma'am." Joker responds. "EDI ran some tests on the distress signal. It was an old style encryption."

"Let me guess," Shepard interrupts, "Cerberus."

"Right in one Shepard. Seems they were laying a trap."

"And left a barely visible breadcrumb trail." Shepard turns back towards the stairs leading down to the garage, "Joker, send Cortez down with the shuttle to our coordinates. We're getting out of this hell hole. Soon as we're clear, you glass this city to the ground."

"Commander?" The barest quiver is in Joker's voice.

"Trust me Joker, this is for the best."

"Aye Ma'am. Cortez is en route. Joker out."

"Why lay a trap and false distress signal?" Liara asks as they head down to the LZ.

"Someone has obviously gained the upper hand on enough cells to unite them under him, or her. Maybe they're wanting to say hello."

Shepard remains silent as they wait for Cortez at the LZ. Even after he lands and they board. She remains silent. Trying not to worry on her ribs. They've begun to ache in a very unpleasant way. To add to it, her shoulder wound is throbbing again as well.

"Oh, Chakwas is going to have fun with me." She mutters under her breath.

"Shepard?" Liara looks closely at Shepard leaning back in her chair.

"I'm fine, Liara." She growls in response. Her eyes closed and mouth tight. Fighting not to grimace in pain.

"Docking with the Normandy now Commander." Cortez alerts her.

She sits up carefully and stands, waiting on the door to pop open. "How nice to not have a welcoming committee." She steps free of the shuttle. Leaving her helmet on the weapons bench she takes the lift to her cabin. Never once looking back at Liara or Tali. She just wants a hot shower and time to her thoughts.

She strips her armor off in the hall outside her cabin, her boots and under armor on the desk chair and her under clothes on the head. Stepping into the steaming shower she washes out her sweat grimy hair and inspects her ribs for the first time.

They are a riot of colors on her side and spreading to the back. Deep purple blending to black on the outward edges. A stark strip of white with red tinges follow along two of her ribs. Clear signs of a break.

"Oh joy." Twisting around, she is glad to see her burn is healing nicely, no blood this time. Just an angry red wheal of skin.

Stepping out of the shower she is just pulling on her NWU pants and tank, when Joker comes over the com,

"Um, commander?" He sounds nervous.

"Go ahead."

"We have the coordinates for the last distress beacon."

"Alright, lay in a course."

"Its, the um, colony. its.."

"Spill it Joker, I'm not in the mood for guess work."

"Its Mindoir Ma'am."

The bottom sinks out of Shepard's stomach, her balance quickly following as she slumps into her desk chair

"Shepard? You there?"

She coughs to clear her throat that's suddenly dry, "Yes. Uh, affirmative. Lay in a course. Shepard out." she signals EDI to cut the feed as she leans forward on her knees. "EDI I do not want to be interrupted."

"Yes Shepard."

Mindoir.

This is no coincidence. Or if it is, the Trickster is playing a seriously vicious joke on her.

To have the trail lead there? Of all colonies. Someone from her past is giving her more than a friendly hello. This is personal. Her mind brings back the memory from the night before. Vividly playing in flashes across her eyes. Who is left that knows? Everyone from that time is dead, even the batarians are gone.

No, this is something else. Someone from Cerberus found something. Maybe The Illusive Man. He may have found something and filed it away. Now the dogs have fought it out, and the new alpha is digging into her past.

A ping sounds at her door, interrupting her thoughts. She ignores it. Getting up instead to pour a drink of whiskey she had stashed by her bed. Sitting down at her lounge chair she tips it back on its back legs. Another ping. She growls and downs the glass, immediately pouring another as she goes to the door. She flips the hard lock in place and returns to her seat.

Ping.

She downs the second. The alcohol is quickly taking effect. Blurring the world of her vision, and sending happy signals to her brain.

Ping.

"Shut up ping." Down goes a third glass.

Ping. Ping. Ping. "Open up Shepard." It's Liara.

"Go 'way." She growls, downing a fourth glass.

"Kelly." Liara sounds impatient. Ping. Ping. A pause then three in quick succession, Ping. Ping. Ping.

"Enough with the pings!" She hollers, tipping back half of her fifth drink.

"Open the door."

"Not doin' it." She swishes the whiskey around the glass. Mesmerized by the amber liquid.

"EDI, open this door."

"I am sorry, Dr. T'Soni. But Shepard has manually locked the door. I do not have access to it."

"Who puts manual locks on a star ship?" Liara is exasperated now. Shepard can hear her pacing as she finishes off her fifth, and pours a sixth glass.

She begins humming to herself to drown out Liara's continued pings. As Liara begins to holler Shepard turns on some of her music, loud. The heavy bass and solid drums crashing through her drowns out all else, for a time.

She is just finishing her seventh glass when her door snaps open with a serious biotic slam. She stands up to look, Liara is standing in the doorway, glaring at her.

"Oh, hi." Kelly turns away from her, sitting back down. "Yer fixin' the door."

"Who cares." Liara stomps down the stairs and looks from Kelly to the half empty bottle. "Really? Drinking, again?"

"At least its not Ryncol." Kelly shrugs, finishing off her seventh she reaches for the bottle. Tipping her chair back to all fours.

Liara snatches the bottle away. "I think you've had enough."

"Says who? Go away." Kelly sets the glass down as she leans back again. Lifting her arms behind her neck, she winces as her rib makes a complaining pop.

Quick as lightning Liara is kneeling beside her and is pulling up her tank to look at her ribs. "Kelly." She sighs, "You need to see Chakwas."

"Still got," Kelly looks at the time on her omni tool, "Another four hours. I'll see her then."

"Will you at least lay down and try to rest?" Liara hopes to try another angle to appeal to her lover. "You can have another drink then."

"Fine." Kelly sighs exaggeratedly. Standing up she fights the dizziness from being drunk, without showing it to Liara. She makes the few steps to the bed, barely. Before collapsing diagonally across it. She props herself on her elbows, looking back to Liara standing from the couch. "Happy?"

"Well enough." Liara hands Kelly the bottle and sits down beside her, one hand on her lover's stomach, just below the broken ribs.

"Good." Kelly finishes the bottle in two gulps. She rolls it away as she lays back down on the bed.

Liara turns her head to look at Kelly's flushed face.

"What happened to getting lost out there?" Kelly murmurs, turning her head to meet Liara's eyes.

"The same thing as what happened to all those blue children." Liara sighs.

"What's that?"

"Life. Duty."

"Right. That shitty thing. Why can't it have better timing?"

Liara thinks on her answer for awhile, before she realizes Kelly has fallen asleep. Grinning in spite of herself, she lifts Kelly's feet up onto the bed. Standing, she shuts the music off as she leaves, turning the lights down on her way out.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter Sixteen

Memory shatters into her dreams and sleep. A face, a woman. Chaotically dancing in the street. Fire devouring her back. A sick, twisted way to batarians nearby laughing and pointing. One throws more liquor on the woman. On her moth-. No, just the woman. Can't think on who she was.

The young Kelly Shepard lies prone on a hill overlooking the center of her town. The stolen rifle cradled in front of her. With the barest hesitation, the girl fires. The woman's head snaps back, the back of it blown out. She falls limp, dead, to the muddy ground. A mercy kill. The girl doesn't even shed a single tear for the woman that used to be her mother. Her father, she already watched die. The horrors that she has seen, and survived have made her cold. Distant. She cannot be a human being right now. That would mean death. She has to be the animal the kids always teased her about being. She focuses on another victim of the slavers. This one a young boy. They light him on fire too. Determined to have their game. The girl fires three shots, one to the boy, and one each to the slavers.

Shepard snaps back to consciousness, on her hands and knees, gasping for breath.

"Kelly?" Liara rushes over. She had seen her thrashing in her sleep but was afraid to wake her. "Kelly, you're alright. You're safe."

Kelly eases back to a sitting position on the edge of the bed. She cradles her throbbing head in her hands.

"Was it Mindoir?" Liara puts a hand on Kelly's back. Rubbing it, trying to soothe her.

"Yeah." She turns to look at Liara. "How far are we?"

"Still another few days out. Why?"

Kelly stands up and paces a bit. "Look, there's, uh. Well, there's certain things you need to know about me. Like as not, whoever is playing this game with me is down there and will tell you everything. But, you should hear it from me. Alright?"

Liara tries to hide her surprise and concern. She schools herself to neutral, and taps the bed beside her, indicating Kelly to sit again.

As she does Kelly rubs the back of her neck. "I'm no good at telling tales, least of all from my past. Mindoir was the worst hell a child, hell, anybody could go through. The things that happened there, well. I'm not proud of most of what I did. Took nearly two years of therapy to even make me human again." she growls in frustration. Getting up she paces again, "Shit. I'm no good at this."

"Take your time, we've got plenty." Liara gets up and holds Kelly's hands. "We could meld. If that's easier." She whispers.

"Hell no!" the vehemence in Kelly's voice startles Liara back. "That is not something _I_ want to live through again, let alone subject you to!" Kelly rummages in her lock box.

"What are you doing?" Liara steps close.

"I know its in here somewhere." Kelly tosses a a few articles of clothing out, then pulls out another bottle of whiskey.

"Really? Is that really going to help?" Liara sighs as she sits down at the couch.

"It can't hurt. I'll go slow, I promise." Kelly sits down opposite Liara, "But I told you I'm no good at this. A little liquid courage couldn't hurt." She pours out a glass of whiskey, savoring its woody scent and sharp sweet flavor as she takes a sip. "I guess it's best to start from the beginning. Maybe if I start with the good, it'll make the bad easier to handle."

Liara leans back against the couch, holding her tongue, barely daring to breathe. Afraid to distract Kelly from speaking.

"Mindoir was a good place to grow up. Folks always talked about how it was one of the best worlds to raise a family on. Good, solid farming community. Everyone knew everyone. Everybody was your neighbor. No major crime, hell, our town only had one sheriff and her deputy to patrol it. My Da was that deputy. He used to work as a security guard back on Earth at a mining plant. When him and Mum moved out to Mindoir, just before I was born, Da got the job from an old high school buddy. He worked at this little town as the sheriff, said he could use an old fool like my Da to keep him young." Kelly stands and begins to pace. taking an occasional sip of her whiskey.

"We had a good life there. Happy, peaceful. A year after I was born, Mum had Cato. We were so close in age, most folks thought us twins, if they didn't know any better. Caton and Kelandra Shepard. The two biggest trouble makers on the whole of Mindoir. My Da was so proud of us. We were pranksters from the time we were old enough to tie shoes. Mum loved and hated it. We always were making trouble for her. Getting into fights with the other kids, they always teased us about our names. Said that only Earth borners could have such whacky names. I guess none of them really paid much attention to their own families and names. Ours seemed almost boring and neutral compared to theirs."

"Wait, Kelandra?" Liara fails to hide a smile.

"Yeah. Greatest name for a tomboy ever, ain't it?" Kelly throws Liara a lopsided smile.

"It's beautiful. Unfitting, but beautiful." Liara can't help a giggle escaping her.

"May I continue?" Kelly glares at Liara, daring her to laugh.

"Ahem, please. Go on."

"Anyways, yeah. Prankster kids quickly turned into violent, and malicious teenagers, or so the towns people thought of us. We never did no harm to anybody. So a few boats got gutted and sank? Ok, maybe tipping cows like dominoes was a bit much. And alright, maybe giving alka seltzer to Mundo's parrot was probly a bad idea." Kelly wanders over to look into the fish tank.

"Alka seltzer? What is that, and why would giving it to a bird be bad?"

"Its aspirin, citric acid, and sodium. When mixed with water, or any liquid, it dissolves. Creating little gas bubbles. When fed to a bird, the gas has no escape and causes the birds to explode, in a sense."

"What possessed you to give it to that poor bird?"

Kelly chuckles, turning back to look at Liara, seeing a mix of horror and amusement on her face. "That dammed parrot would caw like a crow at five o'clock every morning. It would eat just about anything too. Mum grew black berries on our lot one year. Soon as the berries began coming in, that dammed bird would swoop in and grab them."

"So you decided to kill it?"

"We honestly didn't know it would die. We figured it would just fart crazily for a little while."

"Good heavens. What other 'pranks' did you commit?"

"My favorite will always be putting a sliver of dry ice in a bottle and sealing it tight. the resulting explosion of air, and the shock wave would set car alarms off two blocks away!"

Kelly sits down at her desk as Liara comes up to lean against the fish tank.

"But we weren't the only pranksters in the town. The same kids we fought with in Elementary were now our best friends, and fellow trouble makers. When we weren't getting into trouble we were almost the pinnacle of perfect youth. Sweet, kind, respectful. Good upstanding youths, on our own."

"So why be trouble makers in the group?"

"We were bored. What was a funny little town as kids got small and boring as we grew older. We would hear of these things going on in the galaxy that we knew we'd never get to see. So we took our frustrations out on the town."

"What did your father think of this?"

"At first he was amused by our pranks, being a prankster himself at our age. But he grew up on Earth and quickly out grew it. As the pranks got worse, he threatened to stick us in jail for a night, see if that'd straighten us up."

"Did he ever have to lock you up?"

"Yeah, one time. He stuck all four of us in adjoining cells, said we could cool our heels till he decided otherwise."

"Did it work?"

"Nah, we told so many jokes all night that Da was red in the face laughing. He told us he'd have to let us go in the morning just to get a little peace and quiet in his office." Kelly chuckles at this. Then grimaces as fire shoots through her broken ribs. Then as she stands all the air suddenly escapes her left side. "Ah crap." She wheezes as she slumps to the floor.

Liara rushes forward, "Kelly? What happened?"

"I think my lung just got punctured." She feels like her whole left side is crawling with fire. Its both numb and pain at the same side. Her vision swirls as her body begins to lose oxygen. "I think its time to see the doc." She leans forward to her knees, her right hand holding her burning chest.

"Kelly!" Liara grabs her under the shoulder and helps lift her to her feet. "Can you make it?"

"Dammed if I don't." Her voice is rasping and dots begin swimming in her vision as Liara helps her limp to the lift.

"EDI! Have meet us at the lift. Kelly's in trouble."

"Ha." Kelly weakly laughs, it induces coughs and more wheezing breaths.

"Stop trying to talk, you fool." Liara kisses her temple as the lift slides down.

When the doors open a very disappointed Chakwas is there, hands on hips, frown on her face. "What have you managed to do this time?" For all her calm demeanor she quickly takes Kelly's other side and helps rush her to the med bay.

Easing on to the bio-bed Kelly laughs weakly. "I missed you so much." Coughs interrupt her, but she whispers on, "I just had to come back when the three days ended."

"Enough of that." Chakwas fits an oxygen mask over Kelly's mouth and nose. It helps ease the dizziness, but doesn't stop the pain. "Liara, what happened?"

Liara grips Kelly's hand tight. "She got thrown a couple times by an Asari commando. Once into a pillar and the other time she was thrown into the air to land on her chest and front. I think her lung is punctured."

Chakwas looks reproachfully at Kelly, "I assume this happened yesterday?" She busily starts getting the tools she needs and activates the bio-bed's scanner.

Kelly pulls the mask away to speak, "You said three days." More coughs rack her body, this time she can't stop long enough to pull air in and blackness quickly closes in around her vision. She continues to cough and wheeze. Getting just enough oxygen to stay conscious but not enough to function. The readouts go haywire, heart rate skyrocketing while oxygen levels drastically drop, Nero activity spikes and races.

"Chakwas! Help her!" Liara cries out, she lowers the bed flat, helping Kelly to lie still. She presses the mask back over her mouth.

"I'm giving her a sedative." Chakwas pushes Liara away as she secures the mask and injects Kelly. Immediately the coughs subside as she slips under, her amber eyes wide and searching for Liara.

"Liara, you either need to help or get out of my med bay." Liara backs out as EDI comes in to assist Chakwas.

She stands just outside the windows. watching the two of them cut away Kelly's shirt to access her chest. The red bruising has spread, tinging her skin a mottled red and white. Her left side noticeably swelled. As Chakwas stabs a thick needle into her side, bright red blood shoots out as the swelling goes down. Kelly's stats stabilize a little before spiking again as she starts convulsing. Chakwas switches the med bay windows to opaque and Liara is left with nothing to do but wait. Anxiously wait.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter Seventeen

Slowly coming to wakefulness Shepard is caught between reality bearing in and peaceful childhood memories.

"Chakwas. I think she's coming around." Liara's voice filters through her hazy mind.

Blinking her eyes a few times, they take a moment to adjust to the light. She sees Liara sitting beside her. One hand stroking her cheek. "Hi." she whispers. The mask is gone away and her chest feels better. Kinda puffy and numb.

"Hi yourself." Liara kisses her lightly as Chakwas steps up.

She raises the bed to a more elevated position, a scowl etched on her face. "You're gonna be alright. Your left sixth rib was mildly fractured and your seventh was the one that punctured your lung. You'll have stiffness and slight difficulty breathing on that side for a day or two."

Kelly smiles her lopsided smile, "Thanks doc."

"Next time you get seriously injured out there, disregard any time frame I give you and _come in for treatment_." Chakwas turns and walks back to her desk.

"I think I pissed her off."

"Come on you." Liara helps Kelly to sit up and stand. "Off to your cabin. Doc says you can rest there as easy as here."

"Ah, you gonna help me rest? Be my nurse?" She gives Liara a wicked grin, all the while gripping her hand and arm for support.

"You tell me more about Mindoir and I might." They board the lift and take it swiftly to her cabin.

Kelly's grin and joking manner evaporate. "I got injured! Surgery! Doesn't that buy a reprieve?"

"Had it happened while on duty yes. After ignoring it, no way mistress." She helps Kelly to sit in her lounge chair, before turning away. "I'm going to get some soup and water for you. I'll be right back."

"I'll be here." Kelly jokes weakly as she leans back. Feeling the last traces of the sedative leave her body, her eyes droop in weariness.

She dozes for a bit. In between waking and sleeping. She lets her thoughts wander. Not thinking on any particular thing. It doesn't take long for Liara to return.

She comes to the lounge area with a tray. "How are you feeling?"

"Well enough." Kelly sits up as Liara sets the tray down. On it is two bowls of soup, glasses of ice water, and a glass of tea for each of them. "Wow, I must've done something right. Tea? and what's this? Not MRE soup."

"No, Traynor says it is baked potato loaded cheddar soup?" Liara sits down opposite Kelly, "She said it would be something you would enjoy."

Kelly chuckles, pulling her bowl close, "It's _Loaded baked potato soup_. Mum used to make it all the time."

"Is it a popular dish for Humans?"

"Popular enough." Kelly carefully spoons a mouth full and hums in delight. She takes a sip of the tea. Cold, crisp, and sweet. More happy humming.

"I take it you are enjoying this?" Liara slowly, politely eats her soup and drinks her asari tea.

"You're spoiling me. I should get my lung punctured more often. Or are you just buttering me up to talk more?"

"You know me too well." Liara pulls her legs up and tucks them under her as she sets her bowl aside. "Are you well enough to talk?"

Kelly sighs, "I suppose I don't have much of a choice, do I?" Seeing Liara's expression, she knows that she wants her to continue.

"I guess the next place to start is when Cato and I became teenagers. Boys, and girls. Romance. It all bored me terribly. But Cato? He couldn't get enough of pretty girls and their chattering. Thought each of them was a gem. I could see the attraction, in some. I played sports with him on a co-ed baseball team. As I got taller and stronger, less and less boys would approach me as they did the other girls."

"Baseball?" Liara interrupts, "I know of it, I didn't know anyone still played it."

"You're kidding right?" Kelly chuckles, she finishes off her soup. "Everyone still plays! I guess maybe its more popular on the colonies. We played the traditional game."

Liara blanches, "With the leather balls and wooden bats?"

Kelly's lopsided grin shines, "And sliding into bases, catching speeding balls, getting hit by them."

"Hit?" Liara almost squeaks.

Kelly can't help herself but to laugh, long and loud. Even her sore chest doesn't stop her laughing. Liara's flushed face and glare make her laugh more. "You can stand me getting shot at, but not playing a rough sport as a girl?"

"It's different. Small wonder you turned out the way you did." Liara's embarrassment cools into a grin and chuckles too.

"Hazard of only having a brother. Tom boy tendencies are stronger."

"Did this affect your," Liara pauses.

"My sexuality?" Kelly finishes for her.

"Um, yes." Liara's purple blush returns.

"There used to be a huge stigma in society that tomboys were more likely to become Lesbians. There are still some that believe it. But being gay is more accepted in society now. And maybe it did influence me. I always found boys were boring. And most the girls were too."

"So how did you learn that you were gay?"

"Some of the girls I found to be very attractive. It was the girls more like me. The ones who like the same things I did. Sports, fighting arts, books, games. Pranks of course. She had to have a good sense of humor." Kelly sets her bowl aside and leans into her chair with her tea glass held close.

"Did you find a girl while you were still in high school?"

"I did. Mum was furious the summer I was to turn sixteen. I told her I was going on a date with Allison. The short stop on our team. I always knew Mum was from a conservative family, but she showed so little of it around Da and us. But me, dating a girl? She didn't know what to do with herself."

"What was she like?" Liara looks concerned.

"Like sunshine turned into a person." Kelly muses. "She had pale skin that was full of freckles. She made them look mature and not childish. Her hair was long, straight, and a light brown, sun bleached strips of blonde streaked through it. Her eyes were like drops of blue sky, lit from within."

"I never knew you to be poetic Kelly." Liara teases her.

"There's a saying that you never forget your first. Aly was mine."

"I can't say I've ever had to describe my first romantic partner."

"You mean I wasn't your first?" Kelly teases.

"I did have one other. but Asari romances are not like human ones."

"Why not? Sure, your adolescent stage last longer than ours. But its the same basic chemistry, hormonal puberty, right?"

"In a sense. But Asari don't usually find such a love as ours in their maiden years. What you would call 'crushes' are generally what our first loves are. A simple exploration of self through another. You make Aly sound more like a true relationship."

"Huh. I never thought of it that way." Kelly is amused by this, then slyly looks at Liara, "So?"

"What Kelly?"

"So, was I your first?"

"I don't see how this has any relevance to you telling me about Mindoir." Liara huffs.

"C'mon. You gotta tell me. Am I?"

"Really Kelly, this has no merit. It doesn't matter."

"Aw! You're blushing! I knew I was it." Kelly flops into the back of her chair, chuckling.

Liara glares at her. "Stop laughing." While her tone is serious, her eyes are dancing with amusement and her cheeks remain flushed.

Kelly sets down her empty tea glass and pours herself a whiskey. Watching Liara's blushing. "You're the most beautiful person I've ever met. Do you know that?"

"I do. And you are the most courageous and noble soul I have ever met."

Kelly raises her glass in a toast. Here's to courage, nobility, and beauty. May they forever tie us together."

Liara laughs and raises her own glass in salute. "Now, are you going to continue your tale?"

"I'm never gonna be able to stall you until its finished, am I?"

"Not likely. Go on then. You started it."

"Very well. Alison and I dated off and on for the first few weeks of summer. Movies, dinners, walk along the river and creeks. Simple, silly, innocent things teenagers do. Then came that one afternoon, the one that changed everything." Kelly stands and steps over to her fish tank. watching the various aquatic lives glide through the tank. The cool blue light, and burble of water ease her mind.

Liara stands at the bottom step, looking up at Kelly, "Are you ok? Do you need to rest, take a break?"

Kelly doesn't turn around, "No. No, I gotta keep going. If I stop now. I may never get the courage to go again."

Liara steps up behind Kelly and holds her around the waist. Giving as much comfort to her bondmate as she could.

Kelly holds her hands tight over Liara's as she continues. "It had been raining for four days straight. Not a single let up. It was the day before my birthday. Allison wanted me to meet her in town and spend the night together."

"How did your mother feel about this?"

"It was the first time in a long time I heard my full name out of my mother's mouth since I was ten. When I told her I was going out as soon as the rain stopped to be with Allison. I had put on a sundress for Allison. I never wore dresses. This one was white with little yellow daisies. I skipped out the front door, not a care in the world. Mum forbade it. I went anyway, ignoring my mother's calls. 'Kelandra Mae!' she hollered. it was the last time I heard my name from her voice." Kelly pauses. She takes a healthy gulp of whiskey. Steeling herself.

"Right, then." All emotion drains from Kelly's face, a solid, stoic mask in its place. "The mud was horrible. Deep and thick. I laughed myself silly, cursing for wearing sandals instead of my boots. By the time I got to town, I had mud for shoes. I was supposed to meet Aly at four for ice cream at the Shoppe and then we were going to the creek. I had a few minutes to spare, so I went to Vic's store. Hoping he'd have a decent pair of shoes I could borrow." Kelly takes a deep draw from her glass, nearly draining it. "I know, of all the things to be doing before my world ended, it was shoe shopping."

"There was no way you could've known what was to happen."

"Yeah, but I wonder. If I'd listened to my Mom, done as she asked. Not worn sandals that day. Would things have turned out different, better?"

"Only the Goddess could know the answer to such a question. but I doubt it. Fate played out the way it did for a reason. Had something else happened the whole course of your life could have been altered for the worse, or gone completely."

"Maybe." Kelly finishes off the glass and returns to the table to pour another. She sits back down, bracing her elbows on her knees.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter Eighteen

Kelly sat, hands braced on knees for sometime. Organizing her thoughts. Knowing this was it. All the rest, happy memories, they were easy to get out. This though, telling of the horrors she lived? She wasn't sure how she would pull through it.

Her voice is hoarse as she starts, clearing her throat, she takes a healthy gulp of whiskey. "I had never known much about ships or space, other than what we learned in school. But the moment that the sky darkened and the air boomed. I knew normal space traffic didn't do that. They used the ports. And screams didn't follow normal landings. Gunfire didn't follow normal landings. I was so frightened I huddled in the back aisle, praying no one would look in here after Vic ran out the front door, brandishing his pistol. Barely a breath of time passed and he did a mad jig, blood splattering out in all directions. I ducked back into my hollow. Trying to be small and quiet. I didn't know what to think, to do. I was so afraid."

"You were still a child. Fear is a completely natural response."

"Not for me. I don't give in to fear. I push through it. Why couldn't I then?"

"Perhaps because the worst fear you had been through up until that point wasn't truly, mind gripping fear. You didn't know how to respond."

"Doesn't mean I hate myself any less for knowing it. After Vic fell and lay still, it didn't take very long for the tramp of boots to walk the store. The aliens talking in their weird language. Our town was so far from the port, we never saw any non-human visitors, no human ones either, so we didn't have translators. All I could do was huddle tighter and smaller into the corner, hoping the shadows hid me well. They didn't. He found me. we may not speak the same language but batarian males have the same expressions as human males. Especially a predator. And his eyes were all predator who found his prize, his best catch."

She takes anther long drag on her drink. Furious at the knot of fear, grief, and shame that wells up from her gut. She had thought it buried beyond returning years ago.

"The things he did to me, the things I endured. Its not something that is needed to be spoken. There is one word for it, and that's all that needs be said. Rape. He was a monster, and he took what he pleased. After he was done with me, after he had gotten his fill of the pretty little sixteen year old girl. He turned back towards his friends, no doubt to gloat. It wasn't long until they had their turn."

Liara's eyes filled with tears of grief, sadness, sympathy and rage. She is amazed at how matter of factly Kelly relates this trauma. Like she's told the story so many times, that tears no longer come.

"Wha- What happened next?" She has to clear the lump in her throat to speak.

"Once the torture was done. They all turned away from me. Doubtless thinking I was either too traumatized to pose a threat, or unconscious. I crawled away, and found Vic's prized item, the rifle. It wasn't very fancy or new. it was an older model. An old Winchester. A relic really. Centuries old. From the twentieth century. But he babied that rifle for all its worth. Even counting its age, it did its job well, and he always kept it loaded to show off. It took only two heartbeats for me to aim and squeeze the trigger. Bang. Down went one of the torturers. Bang. Down went another. And out the door I ran. I didn't bother stopping to see if they were dead or if any followed me. I just ran." Another glass is poured, this one she nurses softly in her hands. turning it to catch the light in its amber depths.

Her voice is softer now, the ragged edge dulled a little, "Innocence, youth, happiness, love. My whole world was shattered. It broke into a million pieces. And when I was far enough away to turn back and watch. There was fire, everywhere. The rain had returned, soaking everything in sight, turning weaker fires into smoldering ruins, belching smoke into the sky. The roads, paths, and area around and through town were riots of muddy trenches. So many boots trampled the soil and grasses into a soup that the rain helped create. There were temporary corrals set up. There were people in them. Frightened, desolate, people. Humans. Crated and caged like cattle."

"Did you see your family there?"

Kelly thinks back on her memory dream from the night before. Shooting down her own mother. Killing an innocent boy. She grimaces. "Yeah, my Mum was in there, and they were dragging Da down the lane towards it."

"What about your brother?"

Kelly rubs the back of her neck, "Dunno. The last I saw of my brother was that morning as he went off to work in the fields. He was the only one of our family that was interested in farming. He ran the plow for a neighbor's farm."

"Did they ever find him?"

"Not that I know of. So many were taken, and so many left dead that entire families were destroyed, no survivors. Its impossible to know what happened to all of those taken. They could be anywhere by now. A lot are dead I imagine. Its a hard life, being a slave. and Mindoir colonists were known for our stubborn streak. like as not, most were killed while enslaved on en route to the markets.

"What about your parents? Were they taken?"

"Da fought them, kicking screaming. All the way to the gates. He was punching and kicking for all he was worth. I could hear him screaming our names, Mum, Cato's and mine. Then one of the Batarians stepped up, a rifle in his hand, and shot Da. Pointblank. One shot to the forehead. I'd never seen a human shot like that before. The only thought that came to my mind through the shock was how much it looked liked the watermelons I used to target practice on."

"Oh, Kelly." Lira whimpers, "What did you do?"

"What could I do? I was completely taken by surprise. I didn't know what to do. Then Mum started screaming, the wails of a woman's whose heart was broken. When they grabbed and pulled her from the pin. She flipped on them. Biting, clawing, kicking, anything she could do to inflict pain on them. They didn't make it quick for her. One of them doused her with his canteen then lit her on fire. This time, her wails of agony tore through my shock. I became aware of the rifle in my hand. And it made sense. To release her from the pain. There was only one thing I could do. Shoot her."

"You..killed your own mother?" Liara's voice is barely a whisper.

"I couldn't leave her in pain. Young buck soldiers always boast about their first kill. Veterans relate upon it. Saying you never forget it. It's something that always stays with you. A mark on your soul. I never told anyone before. That my own Mum was my first. A mercy killing." Kelly takes another long drag from her drink. Looking in to the glass to hide her eyes from seeing the grief and pity on Liara's face.

She ducks her head, closing her eyes. "Then they pulled a young boy out of the coral and lit him on fire next. Determined to have their game. I did the only thing I could think of. I shot them, the boy, the batarians. Then anybody who looked like they wanted or needed death. The victims of their torture. Bang. The torturers, bang. I fired and fired. Moving from one spot to another. There was nothing left of little Kelandra who skipped out of the house that early afternoon. I was a killing machine. Just enough learning to be dangerous, and just enough talent to stay alive."

"How did you do it?" Liara's voice has evened out a little bit.

"How did I survive?"

"Yes."

"It was all the hunting and gun training Da had given me. I knew how to shoot and how to be light on my feet." She looks at her empty glass. Contemplating another drink. "When I ran out of bullets. I got close and used the rifle's butt to kill a batarian for his pistol. I found a little niche under the porch of the sheriff's office. Just a tiny crevice. A two foot high hollow underneath. Tucked into the blackness I'd wait. Whenever one would come around alone. He was mine. I couldn't kill them all. I couldn't even save any of the people. Survival was the important thing. I didn't have anything to live for. But I sure as hell didn't want to die."

"Why not die?"

"Hmm?" Kelly hums, looking up at Liara.

"Why did you choose to survive? If you had nothing to live for, why not die?"

"I dunno, sheer stubbornness I suppose. Maybe a seed of my sixteen year old self wanted to live and still see what life had to offer. I dunno, I just knew if I died, I didn't want it to be there, at the hands of those monsters. So I hid, deep in darkness and mud. Sheltered from the horror my world had become.

"How long were you there?"

"It was four days before the Alliance came. Four days. I sat in that hollow, between two buildings, below their steps. Pistol ready. Not daring to move. Afraid they would came back for me. When the Alliance finally walked my town. No one was left. they were all either dead, or gone. It was just me. Alone, and armed only with that pistol and a few thermal clips left.." Kelly stops, giving in to temptation and pours another glass of whiskey, she stares into the glass for some time before taking a drink and continuing. She ignores the disapproving look from Liara.

"When the Alliance came, what did you do?"

"The first soldier who tried to pry me out, I shot him in the arm. I couldn't tell he was human through his armor. All I knew was more strangers in armor were here. It took three of them and a riot shield to pull me out."

"A riot shield?" Liara looks incredulous. "What did they need that for?"

"At first two men used it to slide into the crevice I had wedged myself in. I shot them, both in the shoulders. I was shaking in fear so bad my aim was askew. After that, they sent this tiny woman down. She looked so close in age to me. She didn't have a helmet on, so I could see her face. Her dark blonde hair was cut short in a hash of a pixie cut, piercing grey eyes focused on me. And she just laid there, on that shield in the mud. Watching me, silent."

"She didn't try and pull you out?"

"No, she just laid there. She didn't move for the longest time. I couldn't help myself, I crept forward, slowly. I squirmed until I was just an arm's length away. And she just smiled, softly. No grin, no teeth. Just a slight curve of her lips up. and she whispered to me."

"What did she say?"

"She just asked my name. I told her it was Shepard. She then asked, with a slight laugh if she could move her arms. Said they'd fallen asleep under her. Quite uncomfortable. I remember that vividly. She had the oddest accent. I'd never heard a British accent before. Once I nodded. She slid one arm out towards me, slowly. Said she was pleased to meet me. She asked what my first name was, and I told her Kelly."

"Did you take her hand? Did she pull you out?"

"She did. Slowly, gently. She was so much different than the men. They were just concerned about getting me out. Not about how scared I was. She understood though. She took my hand and she wiggled backwards off the shield, pulling me onto it. As she slid off the shield and out into the open air, she gently pulled the shield out with me on it."

"Did you ever learn her name?"

"No, I didn't. She helped the medic get an IV started for me. In the meds was also a sedative. I barely remember much after that. The next thing I remember was waking up in a clean white room. Alone again. That soldier, the woman was gone. I was in an Alliance run institution. A rehab hospital. And it took them over a year to get me sane again." Kelly stands and walks over to the fish tank again. Glass in hand, she just gazes unseeing at the movements.

"How did you cope? What did they do to help?"

"I don't know how I coped. For weeks, all I can remember is a stark white room, and my own thoughts. I constantly relived the events. Trying to alter them in my mind. Make them turn out better. They never did. The doctors put me on some meds that eased the pain, but they made me lethargic. So I quit taking them. The first few months was combinations of therapy and a variety of med cocktails. Trying to find the right balance. I never told them about the rape. They just treated me for grief, and PTSD. I was so ashamed by it. I didn't tell anyone. No one until you Liara." Kelly turns back towards Liara, sadness pinching the corners of her eyes.

"Why? You've carried that around all this time?" Liara steps to the top of the landing and holds her hand out to Kelly to take.

Kelly grasps her hand gently. "Yeah, I have. After the shock faded and the grief became bearable. They began letting me near other kids in the facility. They had to make sure I was safe around them and to 'Re-socialize' me they said. Soon they talked of letting me out. They slowly took me off most of the meds. Letting the therapy take the extra weight and then when they determined me ready, they let me out to a halfway house when I was seventeen."

"What happened after that?"

"As soon as I was in the house, the following week I was out of there. Never looked back. I spent those first few months out of there on my own. Hiring on as a merc for anyone who'd pay me. I knew how to kill. I knew how to handle a gun and myself with it. I was always looking for the one ship I could remember. The last one to pull away from Mindoir. Looking for him. I killed a lot of people along the way. Left a long trail of bodies, each one leading me closer to the monster that took everything from me. It didn't take long for the Alliance to catch up with me again. I was eighteen they gave me a choice. Serve as a marine and become a soldier, or go back to the institute for good. Doesn't take a genius to figure that one out."

"Did you ever find him?" Liara pulls Kelly closer to her, grasping both her hands.

"Yeah. Funniest thing. I caught up to him, random coincidence, in a bar after N7 graduation on the Citadel. He was just sitting there, drink in hand. Laughing with two other batarians."

"What did you do?"

"I froze. One moment my squad mates, Lin and I are sitting around a table. Smoking, drinking, having a good time. Then I saw him, and froze. My whole body went rigid and chills raced across my skin. Fear came to mind first, the ghost of so long ago, then came disbelief. Then rage and vengeance. I wanted to confront him, spit in his face, beat him to a pulp. Wanted to kill him, then and there."

"Why didn't you?"

"Partly because my friends were there, my comrades. I never even told most of them about Mindoir at all, especially not the rape. Part due to my training, I couldn't just haul out and punch an unarmed civilian. Even if he was a monster and a criminal."

"So you let him go."

"Yeah, as he was leaving I got the courage up to face him. I stopped him on his way out of the bar. He smelled terrible, worse than I remembered. But he was thin, and drunk, piss and dung heavy odors on him. And I realized, he's paying for his crimes. This thin waif of a creature in front of me, was nothing but a shadow of my past. I just stared at him until he grunted and walked off."

"You said Lin was there. What did she think of this exchange?"

"She knew of Mindoir of course. But I'd only ever told her I was a survivor. I never told her all of it. She was joy and laughter. I didn't want to sully what we had. When the batarian walked away, she came up to me. She just laid her hand on my arm and asked what that was about. I told her, I thought I'd known him, but I was mistaken. And that was the end of it. We went back to drinks and smokes, with no more discussion of the exchange."

"Do you ever regret not killing him?"

"At first I did. Worried he might do the thing to another girl that he'd done to me. But I never really believed it. A few weeks later we were stopped at the citadel. I was down in the wards tracking down my favorite whiskey from a human importer. Walking the back halls there he was. The monster from my past. Dead. Face bloated and body riddled with bullets. I was just glad he was dead." Kelly sits heavily in her desk chair, leaning on her arms she stares into her empty glass. "There you have it. My story. The story of the butcher and animal from Mindoir. The troubled girl that killed her own family and friends. Murdered dozens of batarians."

"You did what you had to do." Liara says firmly.

"Yeah. That's what all the docs said. I did what I had to do because there was no other choice." Kelly snorts, setting the glass down on the desk. Her head only slightly buzzed from the alcohol.

"Its true." Liara kneels down in front of her and pulls her chin up. Sapphire eyes meeting amber eyes. "You wouldn't be who you are today if you didn't have so much to overcome. And you always make the right decisions when there is no other choice."

"That doesn't change anything. I'm not proud of what I did. I would change it all in an instant if I could. But I can't. And after Mindoir, my murder spree? I had other choices then. I chose that path. I chose to let vengeance and hate fuel me and direct my actions. There was no justice for those men. I executed them all in cold blood. None had a chance otherwise."

"And you've atoned for those sins tenfold." Liara grips Kelly's chin tighter as the human tries to look away in shame. "_You have_" the sincerity and fierceness in her voice causes Kelly's eyes to widen in surprise. "You have made a new life for yourself and given life and peace back to the galaxy. You chose to change your life. You _chose_ to do good, to help those in need. Your past is simply that. In the past."

"The Alliance gave me a new start. A new life. I didn't do that. They made my crimes disappear. After the attack on Mindoir, the Alliance tripled its patrols of the border colonies. None have ever been hit as hard and as vicious as Mindoir. It always takes a tragedy to change the rules and protocols. Always has. It sickens me. Plagued me for life. No one suspected human terrorists would bug a thresher maw nest until it happened. The Council refused to believe Saren guilty of going rogue, then denied the existence of Reapers for three years."

"And you've proven them all wrong, time after time." Liara stands, gently pulling Kelly up with her. She holds her bondmate in a tight embrace. "I love you Kelly, all of you. The good, the bad, the tragic. All of you is all I need. You are the greatest gift ever given to me. And the greatest person the galaxy has ever known."

Holding Liara tight Kelly turns her head away to hide the tears slipping down her face. Trying to suppress them. "I love you too Liara." Her breath starts to hitch as she tries to choke back sobs. All the pain that she has buried and hidden comes to the surface of her emotions, clamoring to be released.

As Kelly begins to shake, tremors running through her body. Her whole being quivering with the force of her will, trying to stay in control. Liara steps back, looking into Kelly's face. Grief, anger and sadness pull tight at her features. Furrowing her brow, pressing her lips thin, and creasing her eyes tight.

Liara places her hand on gently on Kelly's cheek, compassion and peace on her face, "It's alright. Let it go." She caresses her lover.

A few tears leak from Kelly's eyes, she roughly brushes them away. Anger taking hold of her features. Shaking, she backs out of Liara's grasp. Afraid if she speaks all the emotions boiling on the surface will explode. She takes another step back, this one firmer. Then a third. She turns away from Liara and steps toward the ruined door. Liara reaches out her hand, then lets it fall as Kelly disappears down the lift. Tears prick the asari's eyes as she wearily sits down at the desk. She always knew that Kelly had a troubled past. She just never guessed how dark. She cradles her face in her hands as silent tears run down her cheeks.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter Nineteen

Shepard walks out of the lift. Pacing throughout the ship. Her mind absorbed in memories, fighting to keep control. Each step flashes another memory vivid, and jabbing pains through her head. She doesn't even see her friends and crew watch her warily as she moves. No destination in mind. She just walks, fire raging in her eyes, fierce lines creased her face as she clenches her jaw tight. She can't stop. She paces the crew deck, in and out of the weapons bay. She stops briefly in the lounge, contemplating grabbing a drink, something to ease the fire in her, but the idea is quickly forgotten as she turns and walks out again. She takes the lift down to Engineering. Still in her haze she walks past Tali, not hearing the quarian ask after her. She leans on the rail by the drive core.

The thrumming the core emits throughout the ship always felt like the Normandy's heartbeats. Giving her life, and making her more than just another ship. She was alive.

Feeling that thrum, that pulse through her hands now, Shepard feels like it keeps time with her own heartbeat. Each beat brings a flash of yet another memory. Her mind being assaulted by her own memories and nightmares. She tries to focus on the pulsing of the Normandy. Tries to meditate to it, block out the images. but they only assault her harder and faster. Blurring everything in her vision.

Then her memories are blotted out with flashes from the prothean beacons, the death, destruction. The wails of the damned fill her ears. The visions that were imparted of the Reapers transpose over her own memories, blurring together and forming that overbearing image, haunting closer. Just as quickly it passes through her and is gone, to be replaced by the memories she received from Javik. First hand views of the Prothean's death.

The images flash by so fast, each only stopping for a breath before flicking away again. A constant strobe of images, Mindoir, beacons, Akuze, Reapers, Collectors, Aratoht, Earth, Thessia, Palaven, London, the run to the Conduit, Harbinger, the Catalyst. All these replay in random order. Her knuckles white as they grip the rail, cold sweat running down her back, muscles tensed in agony.

She can't move, can't think, at least not about anything but the pain, grief and agony. Her eyes burn with unshed tears. Her body begins to quiver and tremble with it all. Just as she thinks that the agony can't get any worse she hears them. The combined voices of Harbinger and Sovereign.

"You can not escape us. We are your destiny."

She growls, deep in her chest. Frustration narrowing her focus on those voices. Her lips locked tight, refusing to respond.

"We will not stop. Accept what you are. Join us. Release us."

"You're not real." She grits through her clenched jaw, "You're dead. I destroyed you."

"You cannot destroy us. We have been here since the beginning. Many cycles have tried. None have succeeded. You are the catalyst to our final transcendence."

"I did kill you. You're nothing. Just aren't real anymore. I'm nothing like you."

"Are you sure?" As they ask this question of her. Her mind is rocked with the images again. Each punctuated by codes, ciphers, and segments of AI interfaces and programming. She feels each one as a jolt to her system. She continues muttering, denying them, fighting her own mind. Repeatedly stating none of it is real.

Tali had been surprised when Shepard walked into the room. Startled and worried when she didn't respond to her greeting. When Shepard leaned against the railing Tali watched her, feeling slight worry. She returned to her work, keeping half an eye on Shepard. When she began talking, arguing with herself, Tali's worry turned into real concern.

She cautiously approaches the Commander. "Shepard?" She reaches out slowly to grip Shepard's shoulder. No response. She gently shakes her. "Shepard!" She increases her volume. Still no response. She just keeps mumbling incoherently. Tali grips her harder and shakes her roughly. "Shepard!" she hollers. Frightened now.

She vaguely hears Tali, but the reapers drown out her voice.

"She can't help you. You are ours now. Succumb to us. This hurts you, but it needs not to. Join us and end this misery." When a hand grips her shoulder tight and jostles her, she snaps. Rolling her shoulders out of the grasp she twists and punches under her arm, driving her punch into the belly of the intruder.

Tali stumbles back gasping from Shepard's punch. Looking into her face, Tali is frightened more. Shepard's eyes are glowing a vibrant crimson deep in her pupils. Her skin pale and gaunt across her face. She looks both terrified and terrifying. Like two personalities are at war within her. "EDI.." Tali squeaks. She clears her throat as Shepard steps toward her, those eyes watching intently.

Shepard raises her hand up. "Tali..." Her voice is a low hoarse growl.

Afraid she will strike again, Tali stumbles towards the door. "EDI! She hollers out.

When Shepard turns and sees she had punched Tali, fear and guilt well up in her. But the Reapers are glad of it. Their satisfaction burns in her mind. She takes two steps towards Tali, reaching out to her. Pleading in her mind for the girl to understand. She croaks out her name. As Tali steps away she lets her arm drop. Forcing her body to kneel down. Hands on the deck holding her weight. Her back and chest heaving as she tries to breath normally.

Tali watches as Kelly falls to her knees. "EDI, get Chakwas! Something is wrong with Shepard." Overcoming her fear, Tali kneels beside Shepard. Refraining from touching her. As Kelly settles back, sitting on the deck, her face still hidden beneath her hair and arms, hands clasped tightly behind her neck. Tali kneels down in front of her.

"Shepard? Are you there?"

Hearing Tali talk to her. Shepard forces her body to settle back. Bracing her head in her hands she rubs at her temples and rakes her hands through her hair. Praying the images will stop dancing in her vision and the Reapers' voices would fade away again. "Liara." She gasps out. Pain lancing from her head, down her spine, and back again. It pulses once, bright and agonizing. She screams out in agony and collapses on the floor. Continuing to flinch at each image, pain pulsing throughout her body.

Chakwas and Liara hurry into the room just as Shepard falls to the deck. They rush to her side.

Liara cradles Shepard's head in her lap. "Tali, what happened."

Tali stammers, "I, I don't know..she came in quiet. She looked distracted, and worried. I called out but she didn't hear me. sh, she started muttering to herself. Arguing. I couldn't hear what she was saying. I, I tried to get her attention. She, just snapped. Turning violent. Seemed like, like there was a war going on in her. Her eyes, they were, were _glowing_. Deep crimson." shaking Tali flees the room.

Chakwas looks to Liara, "What happened in her cabin Liara? Something had to trigger this." She eases the shaking commander onto a hovering stretcher.

Rushing out of the room, Liara answers Chakwas, still holding Shepard's hand. "We were discussing Mindoir. She was telling me about what happened. She was upset after. I thought she just needed space. Time to think."

Chakwas grunts as her assistant and she transfer Shepard to a bio bed.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter Twenty

Blinking weary eyes, Shepard rises to a sit. She's in the Medbay, it's dark, just the running lights on the deck, and glow strips on the walls bringing a faint glow to the room. She sees Chakwas asleep at her desk. She looks exhausted. Pulling one knee up by her chest, she leans on it, holding her aching head.

She barely remembers what happened after leaving her cabin. The walk through the ship, the incident in engineering are hazy. Her mind vaguely recalls the overload of memories and images. She can feel them even now, waiting at bay. Just behind a shimmering blue curtain in her mind.

Had Liara melded with her? Why didn't she remember it? She runs her fingers roughly across her head and through her hair. The locks pulling free of her mussed horsetail,the tie falling to the floor. What happened? Did she really have another breakdown? If so, why was this one different? Did she really hear the voices of the Reapers? What about that cyber code that had onslaught her?

Growling she snaps her hand away from her head, slapping her knee. A muffled groan makes her look to her right. Chakwas is waking up. "Shit." she mutters. Holding her hand to her forehead again, her hair falling forward, veiling her face.

Blinking her eyes open, Chakwas looks to her. "Shepard." She stands up and walks to her. "Its good to see you awake. How are you feeling?"

"Well enough. What time is it?"

"It is oh four hundred."

"Ah, that's just great." She lowers her hand as she turns to look at Chakwas. Her eyes have widen a bit. The woman, having seen so much, very rarely gets startled. This was the only tell. "What is it?" She grumbles.

"There was some damage to your cybernetics, in this last relapse." Chakwas hands Shepard a small hand mirror and calls the lights on brighter.

Warily, She pulls the mirror close and turns it. Her breath hitches in her throat. She quickly quells any feelings as she takes in the changes. Raising her hand she cautiously touches the corner of of eyes, her pupils have the crimson glow they had when she first woke from the Lazarus Project. The skin around her cheeks and forehead are sunk in and gaunt. Like she has missed very many a meal. Her skin has turned ashen, on her face and hands. She lowers the mirror and glances down at her arms, they are ash pale as well. "Oh no." She whispers. then claps her hand over her mouth. "Oh no." she breathes.

"From what I can gather speaking with . We believe something caused an overload to your cybernetic implants. They then caused the damage to your organic tissue."

"Can it be repaired?" Shepard lowers her hand, her jaw set firmly.

"Maybe." Chakwas takes the mirror back and rubs her forehead in thought. "EDI, Lawson, and I will have to confer on what changes to make to the dermal regenerative unit. Your cybernetics are too damaged for the original programing."

Shepard swings her legs to the side of the bed. "May I go?"

Doing a quick scan Chakwas nods. "You're fit enough." She hands her two pills. "Take this and keep an eye on that headache. If it gets works, come back. If your skin or eyes start to feel a burning or numbing sensation. Let me know _immediately_."

Shepard nods agreement, knocking back the pills and standing up. She clasps Chakwas' shoulder briefly as she walks to the door. When it slides open she pauses and looks back, "Did, um. Was Liara here?" Her curiosity is overwhelming and her worry for memory loss is unnerving.

"Yes, she was. I sent her to her quarters when she," She pauses, "fretted herself faint." Shepard knows Chakwas is hiding something. Shaking it from her mind she exits the medbay. Standing on the crew deck, she looks around. Her gaze settles on Liara's door. She takes a few cautious steps up to the door. She glances at her omni tool's time, oh four-twenty. She hums thoughtfully glancing at the door and back to the time.

"c'mon Kels. You've faced down thresher maws and Reapers. What's one Asari?" in spite of her banter to herself she clenches her hands nervously. This wasn't just one Asari. This was _Liara,_ her tenacity and personality ferocious for an Asari. Steeling herself she raises her hand and chimes the door for entrance.

It slides open, the blue orb of Glyph boots up and floats over. "Good morning Commander, Dr.T'soni is resting at this time. May I take a message for her?"

Shepard grins in spite of herself. "Go to sleep Glyph." She orders.

"As you wish, Commander." Glyph returns to his station and his lights fade.

The lights in the ante room are dim, most of the light coming from the multitude of screens. Glancing at them she sees they are showing the galaxy map. Certain systems highlighted with notes. She continues to the glass partition between the anteroom and the bedroom.

Leaning against the frame, she looks inside and sees Liara, sprawled across the bed, from one corner to the other. Her arm is draped over the edge of the bed, lightly touching a picture frame on the bedside table. Kelly carefully, quietly walks over to the side of the bed and kneels down beside it. The picture that Liara is touching is the other half of the one she has on her desk. Shepard feels a pang of loss seeing her more youthful face, the picture having been taken just a few weeks before the destruction of the Normandy SR1.

Carefully reaching out, she slides her left hand into Liara's, relief flooding her as Liara lightly clasp her hand in her sleep. She then raises her right hand and strokes Liara cheek. Wishing she could initiate her own meld, anything to ease the tension lining her lover's face.

Liara shifts in her sleep. pressing up into Kelly's hand. Her eyes blink open. A dreamy smile softens her face as she lets go of Kelly's hand and caresses her face. Thumb rubbing at the corner of Kelly's left eye.

Kelly closes her eyes and turns away, ashamed of her new features, and worried they will unnerve Liara. "Don't look. Chakwas is going to find a way to fix me."

Liara gently pulls her face back. "Open your eyes." She softly orders.

Kelly's eyes open in surprise of Liara giving her an order. She's looking into Liara's deep sapphire eyes. She sees no revulsion or shock there. Just quiet understanding.

"I see you, always have. And I love you the same." a smile crinkles her eyes as she tweaks Kelly's nose, "Besides, it's not like I haven't seen you in worse. You forgot I am the one who recovered your body."

Kelly leans in and lightly bumps her forehead against Liara's "I love you." She grips Liara's head with her hand, holding her tight, "Don't you ever doubt that."

Liara puts both hands behind Kelly's head and pulls her into a kiss. "Never for a second have I ever doubted." They stay that way, heads together, for a few moments before Kelly pulls away.

Rocking back on her heels she sits on the deck, on leg up, propping her arm on her knee. Her head nesting in the crook of her elbow she looks up at her love. "I'm sorry Li." She says quietly.

"Sorry for what?" Liara slides out of bed onto her knees in front of Kelly. The dejection apparent in Kelly's body language and voice worries her. "Kelly, what is it, why are you apologizing?"

"Because I screwed it all up. I'm not the person you need me to be. I'm all messed up, broken. I love you so much, but it tears me apart. Knowing that I left you once, and it could happen anytime again." She stands up, facing away from Liara. "Maybe it would be better if we'd never met. Or if I left. You'd be safe then, and I couldn't hurt you anymore."

Unsure of what she is saying, Liara stands by the bed. "Kelly? What are you talking about? Even if you left now, you would still be leaving me. Even if knowing you were alive, I would still grieve for you." When she sees Kelly's shoulders slump forward she steps closer, putting one hand on her shoulder, gently turning Kelly around. "What's gotten in to you?"

"You saw me, you see me now. Just _talking_ about it fucked me up. It wasn't even a meld. And there's nothing we can do to stop the flash-" Kelly stops herself, forgetting Liara doesn't know about the flashbacks, just the dreams. "The nightmares. They'll always come back, worse than before."

"Then we deal with it, together." She takes hold of Kelly's limp hand at her side. "We've done it before, and I helped this time. The barrier I put up, it should hold longer than the last meld."

"Why don't I remember it? The last thing I knew was, passing out on the deck of engineering."

"I do not know. Perhaps it has something to do with the overload to your cybernetics, or with your hyper active mental state at the time. The nightmares should go away, for a time."

"But what about when they come back? My reactions to them have become more violent. what if I hurt you? I couldn't live with myself if that happened."

"Then I'll sleep on a cot." Liara's attempt at sarcasm elicits a small lopsided smile.

Kelly's grin turns to a grimace quickly. "You know what I mean."

"Yes, I do. But this blade cuts two ways. Do you think I want to see you go out there mission after mission, day after day? Never knowing if you'll come back? Do you think that every time I hear warning alarms go off, I don't flash back to leaving the Normandy and seeing you still on the ship? I can barely stand the pain of wondering if you'll come back to me." She cups her free hand around Kelly's cheek and face. "But I do bear the pain. Because I know each time you find a way. We both have baggage and demons Kelly. We can face them together. I can help you."

"You shouldn't have to." Kelly turns away from Liara. "I should be the one helping _you_. I don't know how to live with myself this way. Being weak. Broken. I'm a soldier, a marine. We aren't weak."

"And you aren't." Liara grabs Kelly's arm as she scoffs and tries to walk away, "You aren't weak. I've seen you fight. I know you. Weak is nothing that you are."

"Still doesn't help the broken part."

"We can work on that. Maybe I shouldn't have pushed you so hard to tell me about your past. We could've gone slow."

"You know me, I would've stalled if I didn't get it all out at once." she rests her hand on Liara's holding her, "Look. I'm, I'm glad we talked. Alright? Lets just get back to business now."

Liara withdraws her hand and lightly hugs Kelly, "Alright. Are you going to be ok?"

Kelly gives her one of her lopsided grins, "You kiddin' me?" She raises and eyebrow, then leans in for a kiss, "Of course, I'll be fine."

They turn hand in hand and walk out onto the crew deck just in time to hear reveille called through the ship. Alerting everyone to the new day.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter twenty one

Liara grips Kelly's trembling hand once more as another crew member enters the mess. She is impressed by her lover's control once more. The only outward tell to her anxiety is the tremor in her hands. Looking into her face, Liara sees she is all commander. Stoic, unreadable, but yet still welcoming and greeting each crew member. Were it not for the tremor, one would never suspect that the Commander was fearful of how the crew would receive her.

She lifts their intertwined hands to her mouth, kissing them she whispers. "Its fine. No one is staring."

"Only because I'm their commander and they don't want to say anything."

Liara lets their hands fall back to the table as Shepard takes a drink of her coffee. Head down, eyes roaming the mess. "Stop fretting."

"I am not fretting."

Liara tries to muffle the laugh that comes to her throat, but it comes out a snort. Kaiden, Vega, and Garrus, who are sharing their table, as well as Shepard all break out laughing. Liara covers her mouth with both hands as she turns deep violet.

"Oh-ho-ho!" Shepard chuckles and laughs, "You snorted! I didn't think you'd ever do something so undignified!" She leans back into her chair laughing heartily. Kaiden is hunched over the table gasping in laughter. Garrus just chuckles quietly. His hitching shoulders and flicking mandibles the only tell of how hard he is laughing.

Liara relaxes her shoulders, sighing with impatience. At least she got Kelly laughing again. That's good. Glancing up she catches Chakwas' eyes, the Doctor is smiling, but her eyes are worried yet. Liara gives her a reassuring smile, before turning her attention back to her yet laughing love. She glares pointedly, arms crossed over her chest.

Shepard, seeing Liara's glare suppresses her laughs and chuckles once before giving her love a raised eyebrow, "Yes? Did you want to say something?"

"Or will another snort pop out?" Vega says before guffawing again. Shepard grins manically and Kaiden fights hard, his face contorting, before breaking into laughs again.

"Children." Liara huffs as she stands, breakfast tray in hand. "I'm surrounded by children." She turns away, a grin lighting her face.

"Aw man. Li!" Shepard calls standing up. "Come one, it's just a joke!" Liara continues out of the mess to the lift.

"Go get her Shep!" Vega calls as the Commander hurries out after the asari. She gets to the lift in time to see the doors swish shut. Liara waves teasingly, a wicked grin on her lips.

"Oh, she did not!" Shepard growls. "EDI! Where's she going?"

"Dr.T'soni? She has just departed on the CIC Commander."

"Thanks, return the lift please."

"As you wish. Logging you off."

The lift chimes as the doors open. Shepard boards it and tries to rush it up, dancing from one foot to the other. She's gotta figure out what Liara is up to. That grin was more than just a response to the jokes and laughing.

As the doors slide open, She dashes out, stopping at the foot of the galaxy map steps. Gazing around she doesn't see her.

"Commander?" Traynor asks, "Are you looking for Liara?"

"Yeah, where'd she go?"

"To the bridge. Said something about 'catch the orange'?"

Kelly grins inwardly. Now she knows. "Thank you Traynor." Shepard strides off down the corridor leading to the bridge.

Hearing the echo of voices on the bridge she steps to the edge of the catwalk. Walking on the running lights, her footsteps are nearly inaudible. She steps softly onto the airlock quarterdeck, to listen.

"Is there a reason you're leading Shepard around the ship?" Joker sounds amused.

"Trying to cheer her up. Things are tense right now."

"You're telling me."

"How close are we to Mindoir?" Liara has a slight tension to her voice.

"Only an hour or so out. How's she taking this all?"

"As well as can be expected. Any sign of Cerberus?"

"None as yet." EDI remarks.

"Do we have an ID on the signal yet?" Liara asks.

"No." he sighs heavily "This is all wrong. What sick, twisted mind does something like this? Lures her back here?"

Shepard decides it's time to stop snooping. Entering the bridge she speaks up, "The same I suppose that turns human colonists into husks out of apparent curiosity."

"Jesus Shepard!" Joker whirls his chair around. "Seriously, a bell!"

Laughing Liara looks side long at Shepard. "I take it this is a common occurrence?"

"Not common enough for him to expect it all the time." Shepard nods to Joker, "Any sign of hostilities on the surface?"

"None yet Ma'am."

"Do we," She stops momentarily, afraid to ask the question. "Do we have a location?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Very well. Where at?"

"34.83°n 82.38°w, Ma'am."

Liara sees the barely perceptible clench of Shepard's jaw, the glint in her eyes, and knows that this is where her town was. "Shepard?" She asks softly, all thoughts of levity gone with.

Shepard doesn't respond beyond ordering Joker, "Maintain speed and heading. Alert me when we are fifteen minutes out."

Joker responds "Aye aye ma'am." As he turns his seat back around, Shepard nods curtly.

Turning an about face, she quick marches off the bridge. She hears Liara's foot steps follow behind.

Stopping at the galaxy map, she leans forward against the railing beside the terminal, elbows on the rail, hands loosely clasped.

Liara stops beside Shepard, her left hand resting on the console as she faces Shepard. "Do you want to talk?"

"It was called Haven." Shepard huffs, "Fitting name, wasn't it?"

"It did sound peaceful. I heard rumors they made some kind of memorial there."

Shepard snorts, "Figures. Probly turned the whole town into some twisted museum. 'Oh look. Here's where the worst was.' 'This plaque honors the dead and missing' 'The great Commander Shepard was born here.'" She prattles off.

"I'm sure its not so horrid."

"Its what humans do. We memorialize tragedy. Turn places into permanent landmarks. Preserving them just as they were."

"Did you ever go back?"

"You kiddin me?" Shepard turns to look at Liara, disbelief on her face, "Why would I do that?"

"Its the place you are from. I know its not easy to think of. But where someone is from means a great deal."

"No it doesn't. Its a place I once lived. Nothing more."

Liara knows this isn't how she feels, but decides to leave it be. "Are you ready to return?"

"Doesn't seem I get a choice."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice." Shepard reaches out to touch Liara's shoulder. "Thanks. I need to go arm up. I'll meet you in the cargo bay in forty five." She turns and takes the lift up.

Liara turns to Traynor, noticing the lieutenant quickly composing the shock and curiosity on her face. "Need I to tell you not to speak of this?"

"No, Ma'am. Understood Ma'am."

Liara nods, then takes the lift back to her quarters, deep in thought.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter twenty two

Down in the armory Shepard sets the final magazine of thermal clips firmly in place on her suit's holder strapped to her right thigh. Her face is blank, her thoughts hidden by the intense glow of her red pupils and a tightly clenched jaw.

Holding her helmet she looks into her reflection on the face plate. A memory sparks into the front of her mind.

_Alarm klaxons sound off, mechs laying broken and destroyed behind her. She peers into a fragment of a two way mirror. The face looking back at her is both hers, and not hers. Bright red lines trace a lattice work across her features. Like tattoos done in light. Her normal red hair is dark and washed out, hanging limp down her back and across her shoulders, impossibly long. Her skin looks like ash turned leather. Both soft and brittle to the touch, it grips tight to over prominent bones. No fat layer, and barely any muscle mass to her draws her attention most is the red glows of her eyes. Where her pupils should be they are dilated wide and glowing a faint red. Cybernetic implants. Only, her brown irises are still there, thin amber brown rings around the inner pupil. Cybernetic eyes do not have irises._

Her awareness snaps back to the present. She growls at the memory of first seeing her reflection on the Lazarus station. That's not her anymore. She's worked beyond that. A low growl rumbles in her throat as she turns the faceplate away and clips her helmet to its lock on her belt.

Turning around she looks to Vega and Liara standing ready.

She had ordered everyone else, minus Cortez, from the armory. They all seemed determined to find one reason or another to come down to check on her. EDI was the last to go, her excuse was that she should check first hand on the shuttle. Shepard bodily shoved her into the lift with orders to hold it in the loft at her cabin and no one was to come down to the cargo bay until the shuttle was away.

"Alright. This is only going to play out one way. We land, find the Cerberus base, eliminate the threat and get back aboard the Normandy. No side treks, no sightseeing. In and out. I don't want to be down there a minute more than we have to be." As they nod agreement she barks, "Board up."

They quickly file into the shuttle. Each taking their normal positions. Vega on the seats to the left of the door hatch, Liara the ones across. Below the vid screen. Shepard grabs the hand hold from the bulk head and remains standing.

"Joker, any sign of activity at the drop zone?"

"No Ma'am. Clear of all activity."

"Very well. Cortez, take us away."

"Aye Ma'am." Comes from both Joker and Cortez.

"Joker out, see you ship side when you return Commander." The line from the Normandy goes silent as they exit its bay and drop towards the planet's surface.

For a few moments, all is silent as each is preoccupied with their thoughts. Shepard looks to Vega, his eyes are half lidded like a cat on the verge of sleep. She knows it was the right choice to bring him. He has shown himself both a great soldier and a reliable friend. One to not say anything about what he sees. She knew when she picked him to come along that he wouldn't harp on her about anything down there. He would be the stoic soldier, unwavering. A good reminder for her to be the same. His quick turn of wit had kept her company many a night back in Vancouver during her trial and house arrest. She knew she could rely on him now.

"Approaching the LZ Ma'am."

Shepard turns to the cockpit and looks out the forward windows. What she sees is surprising. She had expected to see some form of preservation of the hell she remembered when she left. Instead, what is seen ahead just before the horizon is the town she remembers before the attack. All returned to its former beauty and quaintness.

"Set us down about a mile outside of town." She indicates an open field on the nav map past the town.

"Aye Ma'am."

Shepard scans the scene as they fly over. "My gods." she breathes. It's like it never happened. Each little house, shop, and building is clean and crisp. Like they have all been brought from the past. A moment frozen in time.

A hand rests on her shoulder. "Are you alright?" Liara whispers in her ear.

Composing her emotions and face, Shepard turns to Liara. "Right as rain." She gives her a shaky lopsided grin. Liara gives her a wan smile in return. Shepard pats her shoulder as she turns back to the hold. "Any signs of Cerberus?"

"No ma'am. We do have coordinates for the signal."

"Very well. Take us down."

As the shuttle settles to the ground Shepard grits her teeth and takes one glance at Liara. Glad when she gives her a reassuring nod.

As the door slides open she is momentarily blinded by the bright Mindoir sun. Stepping to the ground she feels the sandy soil give slightly under her feet. She has to force down the memories that want to ride to the surface. Shaking her head to clear them, she quickly scans the horizon.

"All clear." She barks out as Liara and Vega step out. "Cortez, send me the coordinates."

"Coming your way commander."

Her HUD lights up with a small triangle ahead and to her right. "Copy that. Wait here, we'll call when we're ready."

"Aye Ma'am. Cortez out."

Shepard gazes out across the field. Not surprised that the arrow points her towards town. A part of her mind tells her 'Towards Home.' Even though it hasn't been that for twenty seven years.

"Shepard?" Liara asks, stepping up to her.

"I'm fine." She replies automatically. "Lets move."

The mile to the town is the same as Shepard remembers it being. The clearing they had landed in was just a short walk off the main road that ran from the town to the spaceport. Walking along the road they see very little. Mostly farm lands and orchards lining the road on their right extending out all the way to the hills. To their left a soft salty breeze brushes at their faces. The land has short fields of berries and nuts. Plants that thrive in the sandy soil. They pass quaint little cottages and farm houses, homesteads and plantations. Da always said that Haven on Mindoir was like the little southern town he grew up in, transplanted. Weather and all. Shepard smiles a little at the memory.

All too soon they come upon the town proper. Shepard stops in the road, overwhelmed by the sight of it. The road continues straight through town and ends a few blocks later at the ocean shore. All the little houses in their bright colors stand tall and immaculate. Even the silly white fence that circles the town has been painstakingly repaired and painted. Stepping up to the gate, her gloved hands rests on the posts at hip height and she closes her eyes.

_She is six again. Skipping into town. Clutching tight to Da's hand. Trying to pull him faster. Her excitement at coming to town for the first time. Seeing the ocean out the other side was like seeing heaven to a child. Da just chuckled and told the young girl "Whoa there Nelly!" using his pet name for her. He catches her around the waist and sets her up on the fence. She grasps the post in one small hand and turns back to look at Mum driving the jeep, slowly bumping and jostling on the old dirt road. _

Shepard turns to look back down the same road as a grown woman. She sees Liara walking the same path her mother drove. Liara is having just as much trouble with the rutted road.

Liara, risking a glance up from the cursed knotted road sees Kelly grinning down the road at her. Coming level she smirks at her love, "Why are you grinning?"

"You reminded me of Mum. She always had trouble with this part of the road. Hated it in fact."

"I can see why." Vega grumbles. "Even coming from The Old South back on Earth, those roads weren't nearly so bad as this."

"Strangely, it's nice that they haven't fixed it up." Shepard muses as she turns back to the town. and steps past the threshold onto the smoother cobbles of the town's road. Shepard looks to her left and sees the little gravel parking spaces.

_Her Mum grumbles complaints to her husband as she wrestles the car past the fence and onto the cobbles. She parks it nearby, stepping out Da sweeps her into his arms and spins her around. She giggles and slaps him gently away as she opens the tailgate to get their bags. Da comes back to pick up Kelly. He swings her around just as he did her Mum. Setting her down he grasps her hand again. "Let's go find our adventure Little Nelly.' He whispers in her ear._

"Lets go find our adventure." The thirty three year old woman echoes of her Da.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter twenty three

As she walks down Main street of town she isn't so much assaulted of old memories as they seem to embrace her. As she walks down the lane, each building seems to tell a tale to her. It's like seeing Haven looking as it was before the attack has returned all her old happier memories to her. She hadn't so much forgotten them as she closed them off from herself. To see them would cause her pain before. But standing here, looking around, its not that way. Each seems like an old friend, embracing here. Saying all is well. Will be alright.

As least, that's how it is until they reach the drive. She stops at the small gravel drive extending away from town, bordered in dogwoods and oaks. The Spanish moss drapes gracefully from the trees, swaying in the breeze. Looking down the lane she feels fear. The nav point hovers tauntingly over the house just visible at the end of the drive, a quarter mile from Main street.

"Shepard?" Liara steps beside her.

She gives Liara a reassuring smile as she steps to the left side of the drive. Their old mailbox still sits, off kilter and dented in the middle, the victim of Kelly's baseball bat on one of their pranks gone awry. Touching the fading letters on the side a grin tugs at the corners of her mouth. The prank scraped away the 'P' in their name, leaving the mailbox to read 'She hard'. Her and the boys laughed endlessly at this. Memory tugs at her again.

_Sitting on her bike she laughs as Juno attempts to hit the neighbor's box with his bat as he rides past. He fumbles his steering, trying to peddle and swing the bat. His swing goes wild. Down he goes, skidding to a halt sideways, his bike laying on top of him. He raises one hand. 'I'm alright, I'm alright!' Kelly laughs, Cato going to help Juno up. She rides her bike up to him. 'Let me show you how a real pro does it.' She readies the bat with her right hand, leaning it against her shoulder as she turns the bike. She rides down the road two houses away from hers. She leans into the peddles, pushing hard. Faster, faster. Seeing the mailbox coming up she stops peddling, using her knees to keep the bike going straight. She grips the bat two handed, readying. As she swings she realizes its too late to hit the neighbors box, instead it slams hard into her own. The force stops her in her tracks, knocking the wind from her as she sails right off the bike. Coughing in the dirt, all three boys laugh at her. She joins in when she's got breath again._

Shepard takes her hand off the mailbox and turns to the right.

"Hey, um. Shep?" Vega says from across the drive. He is standing in front of a bronze sign.

"What's that? It wasn't here before."

"It's a memorial plaque. Talks about your family. And you."

"Oh, fuck." she mutters stepping up. She reads the sign from over Vega's broad shoulder.

"Shepard Home. Here is the birthplace of the great Commander Shepard, Hero of the Citadel, and the Savior of the Galaxy. She lived here from her birth in 2154 until she was sixteen. With her parents Helena J. Shepard, Peter M. Shepard, and her brother Caton T. Shepard. Her parents are among the 200 colonist killed in the Raid of Mindoir, 2170. Her brother is among the 750 missing, presumed dead. The home is closed to tours. The grounds are open to the public. Please respect the sanctity of this historic monument."

Shepard gags, coughing to clear her throat. "Sacred ground my ass." She mutters as she strides through the gate lashing out a sideways punch to the back of the sign as she steps past. "What a load of bullshit." They hear her say as she continues down the path.

Vega looks quizzically at Liara, "Did you know she had a brother?"

"Not until recently. Come on, lets catch up." They trot ahead to Shepard.

Stopping at the base of the stairs she looks up at the house. Da said it was built to the specs of old Plantation homes from the Colonial history of America. Said it was fitting. A new home on a new colony deserved a colonial house. The yellow painted wood siding and white shutters seem too cheery for this place. Like a mockery of what it's seen. Or maybe its a celebration for the return of one of its family members. Either way she still dislikes it as much as she did as a kid. As she ascends the stairs she feels the weight of so many memories clamoring at her.

"Something's wrong." She turns back to Liara and Vega at the foot of the stairs. "The signal is coming from here, but where's Cerberus?"

"Maybe we've caught them unawares. Got 'em with their trousers down." Vega's weight causes the old stairs creak, like the house is complaining to him.

She walks to the left side of the wide porch. The rocking chairs and swing bench catch her eye.

_She is sitting in the rocker, legs crossed in the chair, a book open on her lap. Her brother is nearby strumming his guitar and humming to himself. Her thirteen year old self looks up to her brother, a lock of red hair falling free of its pony tail to brush her nose. She blows it out of her face impatiently. 'What's that you're playing. I don't recognize it.' He looks up, startled from his reverie. 'Just a tune I've been playing around with.' He hums as he looks back to the guitar. She looks out over the front yard, trying to whistle counter point to his tune._

Looking out on the front yard, Shepard hums that old tune. Cato never did finish it. Just kept playing that same bit, saying it needed more tweaking. She touches the edge of the swing bench's arm. Remembering the nights her and Aly sat here cuddled together, watching the fireflies dance across the yard in the twilight. She lets her hand slide away from the bench as she steps to the door. She grasps the handle and turns the nob, surprised it is unlocked. Opening the door wide the breeze stirs up tiny dust motes that glitter in the sunlight. The front hall with its hardwood and rag rug runner are clean. The house has a fresh smell. The same she remembers so long ago. Mum always used the same cleaners, giving the home the scent of oranges and lavender from the concoctions Mum made. She steps down the hall, glancing into the parlor and formal dining rooms. They are both as pristine as Mum left them. The china still stacked in the cabinet. The crystal drinking set on the parlor's wine chest.

Funny. She wonders if they are the originals her Mum owned or replicas, replacements. She's tempted to go and pick one up, look for the initials that Da had inscribed on each. He was never one for fanciness or luxuries but he doted on Mum. Always spoiling her.

Shaking her head she continues down the hall. Stepping past the kitchen to her right and living room to her left, she goes to the back door. She opens the door and steps onto the porch. Liara and Vega stay in the house, waiting for Shepard to step clear of the door.

The sun momentarily blinds Shepard again. Blinking the spots away she looks up, the backyard and orchards spread out before her.

A voice sounds beside her. Male, low, level, and eerily familiar. "Well, well. About time."

The accent tugs at her memory, the sound of the voice so familiar but so different. She turns to see who he is.

Disheveled red hair flops over pale skin darkened by the sun, cigar smoke trails up from pale red lips, looking through the smoke she sees the same amber eyes she grew up seeing everyday looking back at her. "Hullo, sis."


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter twenty four

"It's been you?" Shepard stumbles away from the door, one step, two. In shock. "The signals? You? The whole time?"

"Yep, somethin' like that." He is leaning casually back in the wicker chair, gazing up at her. Puffing on his cigar. Her mind flashes at the smell, Da's cigars. He used to smoke them. Right there. Mum hated the things.

"Gods above." She whispers, as she fetches up against the railing. "What about Cerberus? It wasn't them?"

Liara steps through the door, she turns to look from Kelly to who must be her brother. She can see the resemblance. Both have aged and only someone who knows one or the other could see the resemblances. The eyes are the most obvious. Both pools of amber. His glint of steel is harder than hers, colder somehow. They both have the same stubborn set to their jaw. It's so eerie seeing the both of them. Mirrors, but not. She grasps Kelly's hand, and looks toward Cato.

"My name is Liara, T'Soni." She extends her hand.

He doesn't even acknowledge her, Liara lets her hand drop. Standing he looks at Kelly. "Oh, Cerberus played a part of it. A big part." He steps closer.

The shock is fading a bit, but not by much as Kelly looks at Cato better. His features are hardened, scarred, and dark. There are no laugh lines, no softness to his eyes, jaw, or lips. "You're the new Cerberus leader?"

"Right in one. You always were the brightest, weren't you?" He reaches out towards Kelly. She recoils, stepping away. "You've changed sis. What's the matter? The Illusive Man's tech breaking down?"

"Dying does that to a person." Her remark is harsher than she intended. But this man in front of her is so little like her brother.

"I'd heard that." He chuckles without humor, "So, you think you've had a hard life? How funny is that."

"I haven't exactly had a soft cushy life, Cato."

"No, of course not. How could having friends, love." He nods at Liara, "A career, promotions, glory. How could all these things be hard and unyielding? I feel pity for you Little Nelly." his callus words and use of her Da's pet name cut into Kelly like knives. Memory pulls at her once more.

'_Little Nelly, Little Nelly.' Da sings to her as she bounds up to him. One of his old science fiction books clutched tight to her chest. 'Da! I found her! I found Nelly.' She was eight years old, reading her Da's old books._

She loved Nelly. The little VI program was just like her. Always wanting to learn, to tinker. She looks up at the malice on Cato's face. Who is this, and why is he being so cruel?

"There's been more to my life than what I've made of it. I spent two years fighting, wallowing in grief, misery, and vengeance. I spent years searching and hunting."

"But not for your brother." He interrupts. "All that time you searched and made your own life. You never once looked for your brother."

"I thought you were dead! I watched Mum and Da die. I never thought you had survived. I looked for revenge for my family."

"Well, obviously I wasn't dead."

"What happened to you?" Kelly looks at her brother in confusion and sorrow.

"Do you know what Batarians do to slaves? There's this little implant the give you. Like a biotic implant. Its harmless enough to insert. But when you misbehave, or when you go too far away, or even just whenever they want to have fun. It gives a neural shock. Can you imagine that? Your whole body lit up from within? Pain coursing every muscle spasm? Somehow I doubt it."

Kelly, thinking of the momentary instance when she awoke prematurely during the Lazarus project. She remembers the feeling of her entire body being a million types of pain. Burning across her skin, thousands of knives stabbed into her head, eyes painfully blinded by simple light.

An involuntary shiver runs through her. Liara grips her hand tighter. "How did you escape?"

"Unlike you, Cerberus actually cares about human slaves. They have many cells out in Batarian space ready to purchase human slaves that go up for sale."

"So that's why you work for them."

"Yeah, they actually cared for me. Helped me to rebuild my life. The Illusive Man took me under his wing. Reared me to be his successor. Gave me more than some stupid back water town on a back water planet stuck out on the ass end of the galaxy. Yet, for all my work and progress. I had to watch you and your exploits splashed across the news. Day in and day out, I watched you. Hated you. Because you never looked back."

"How could I? What I lived through here, was horrible. It was hell."

"Oh, yes. I'm sure hunting Batarians and shooting their ugly heads off was just so horrid. Traumatizing for life." He mocks her. Her own brother!

"You know nothing! You weren't there! You blame and hate me for what I've become. Yet you weren't there for me either. You had gone off to work, I bet you were one of the last ones picked up. They hit the towns first. Well, guess where your sister was? In town. And I know you knew I was there. You knew Aly was there."

"Shut up." His voice goes tight. Finally showing some emotion other than mocking superiority. "I didn't bring you here to reminisce about the past."

"Then what did you bring me here for?" Kelly is furious at this point. Whoever this man is, her brother is no longer left in him. "Where you responsible for Feros? Freedom's Progress?"

"Sure am. I do have you to thank for it. Once you killed The Illusive Man and his pet assassin. It left the cells broken and scattered. Easy pickings for a man who'd lost everything. I worked my way hard to the top of my cell. I gained the trust of all my comrades and we've spent the last four months recruiting more back under the banner of Cerberus. A new organization to represent human interest, and dominance." He steps back spreading his arms wide. "Look what I've managed to do."

"Human interests? What do you call what happened to the colonists on Feros? They were butchered, slaughtered. Experimented on like puppets to a sick, twisted puppet master."

"They were no longer human. Tainted by the thorian they provided a useful look into dominance and indoctrination that could be controlled."

"You're sick. You have no right to twist fate and biology to suit your needs." Disgust is a palpable stink on her tongue. This man is a taint that imbues the very air around them.

"Come, sister dear. Lets not squabble like children. Look at you, strong, powerful. A true born leader. Who would've thought the children of a preacher's daughter and a mere mechanic turned deputy, would become the two most powerful humans in the galaxy. You and I are so very alike. I know what you hide under that Honorable, noble face you show the galaxy."

"I'm nothing like you." Venom drips from her every word, "You disgust me." She turns to step off the porch, walk away from this mad man.

A biotic slam hits her in the back. Throwing her half way to the orchard a hundred feet away. Liara and Vega promptly land beside her. She pushes her self to her feet, staring back at Cato in shocked surprise. He is wreathed in blue and violet energy. "Son of a-" she gasps out. Biotics? How does he have biotics?

"Don't you dare walk away from me. You were supposed to be my other half. Can't you see we're destined to control this entire galaxy? You and I. The strongest of the world."

"You're wrong! Cerberus has perverted you." She wipes her gloved hand across her face, blood clings to it from her nose. "Where'd you get your new toys?"

"Cerberus has made both of us the perfect soldiers. You were the first, certain improvements needed to be made. Eva was the next, she proved too easily corrupted. Kai Lang was promising. He showed the most potential. But The Illusive Man gave him too much Reaper tech. Drives the mind a bit mad."

"Too much Reaper tech?" she gasps out.

"Reaper tech is too dangerous." Liara calls out. "How do you know you aren't indoctrinated too?"

"I'm not fool enough to put so much in me. Come now Little Nelly. Did you honestly believe humanity was capable enough on its own to really raise someone from the dead? True you're half synthetic. But did you ever wonder what some of that synthetic was?"

The ideas he is presenting make her sick to her stomach.

Liara sees Kelly blanch even paler than she already is.

"You're a liar! I'm not part Reaper. I make my own choices. I fought and destroyed them."

"An unforeseen outcome, I'll admit. You were supposed to help dominate them. Bring them to our views. But I know now. You'll never join us. You never accepted the Reapers voices, they are our true gods and you turned away from them." He turns around waving a hand dismissively. "I'm done playing around. Good bye sister. May you be Da's Little Nelly in the after world."

Five asari walked around the corners of the house, ten Cerberus assault troopers step past Cato on the porch and down onto the grass. A centurion stands on the top step, his gazed fixed on the small group in front of them.

"Oh, fuck." Kelly swears as two biotic shock waves rip through the ground heading their way. Bullets light up the air.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter twenty five

Liara instinctively throws up a barrier sphere, hoping to block the bullets and minimize the force of the shock waves. Even with it, they all go sailing up and back some fifty feet away, and spread out through the orchard.

Shepard comes crashing down through the branches of an orange tree. She lands solidly on her back, the wind knocked from her again. Oranges rain down on and around her. Each jarring where it connects with armor. Two catch her square in the face, one to her left eye, the other her right temple. Growling she kicks herself up and turns to look for Vega and Liara. Vega groans standing up a few feet away.

Shaking his head he looks to Kelly, an orange had struck him on his forehead and cracked open. He wipes it away and cracks a cheeky smile at her, "Always said I had a hard head. You alright?"

"Yeah, got a shiner, nothing more. Liara!" She calls out stumbling to her right, she should be right around here.

Liara slowly gets to her feet, surrounded by oranges, she was hard to spot. "I'm fine."

Kelly looks at the oranges spread neatly around and under where Liara stands. She raises an eyebrow. "Had time to make your own bed?"

"I'm resourceful." She turns back toward the house. "What's your plan, Shepard?"

"Take cover behind the trees. Liara can you take those asari?"

"I think so. Might be tricky."

"So says the woman who just made a bed as she fell twenty feet from the air." Vega chuckles.

Shepard looks to him, "Please tell me you have some grenades."

He hold up a bandoleer that was strapped around his left thigh. "Never leave home without them."

Shepard smiles wanly. "Right then. I'll lay down some covering fire, draw them a little closer. Get your grenades into the pack. Take out as many as you can."

"Aye Aye Ma'am." Vega sounds downright cheerful.

She shakes her head. "I'll lay out a turret, get Riley out into the field. See if we can't decrease their numbers before they get too close." She takes a quick look around the tree. The Cerberus troops are spreading out into four squads, fanned out in a crescent slowly pressing forward. "Ready, break!" she hollers as she lobs her turret as far and fast as she can. It lands ten feet in front of the two squads facing her way. A biotic stasis takes one commando by surprise holding her fast. The other recovers fast, throwing up her barriers and deflecting Liara's warp attack. Vega grins like a maniac as his grenade lands just behind his squad and detonates. Ten of the fifteen Cerberus troopers go sprawling forward, their backs and legs riddled with shrapnel. Vega then unloads his assault rifle in full burst, catching the last few across their heads. Laying them down for good.

Grinning like a fool he sidesteps to the right, out of cover, to get a better angle on one of squads Shepard is targeting. He takes two down with his rifle before a round rockets into his shoulder. Spinning he goes down. He quickly recovers, turning slapping the ground as he falls he twists back to his knees, fires a three round burst. Then rolls to the side, taking cover behind the tree next to Shepard.

"Hey, dumb ass." Shepard barks at him over the gunfire and snaps of bullets hitting trees and bark. "Rolls are better than jumping out saying 'Hey look a me!'" She reaches across the short gap and cuffs him soundly on the back of his head. "Keep your head and body low. Now,get another nade into that fray, and lets give them hell."

The battle lasts a good twenty minutes. The few forces that made it into the trees they quickly dispatched. Vega with brute force, literally cracking heads together like eggs, and laying about with his fists, and rifle butt. Liara uses her singularity and warp to blast multiple enemies at once.

Shepard does what she does best, overloading their suit shield generators she pops them with her pistol. Ruthlessly killing with one shot to the head, leg and thigh shots to incapacitate, and using her considerable leg and arm strength to punch and kick opponents down.

Turning to survey the damage she feels a pang of sadness seeing the majority of the trees in a fifty yard radius are decimated by bullets, biotics, and scorched by grenade blasts.

Shaking her head ruefully she looks to her team. "Status?"

"Five by, Ma'am." Vega reports. "Bumps and bruises. No bleeding."

"I'm fine. A few scratches, nothing serious."

Shepard checks her own body. A knife slash caught her between the grooves of her armor at her elbow. A shallow cut, not very deep. She ignores at and looks back to her team. "Alright then. Let's get back to the house. I doubt this is the end of the fighting." Stepping out of the tree line they see the remnants of the troops they dispatched. Shepard looks up to see Cato still on the porch, cigar in hand. He is still glowing faintly blue.

"Impressive sis." He steps forward, coming down the stairs. His air and demeanor is that of a king approaching his subjects. Pompous, overconfident, arrogant. "I thought you might defeat them, but I held out hope." He stops on the ground in front of the stairs. Taking a long drag from his cigar he grins wickedly at her. "Maybe you'll find these more challenging." He elevates himself biotically and floats backward onto the porch again.

Five asari commandos and an Atlas mech walker come into view around the house. The mech raises its arm and a rocket jets out to them.

"Shit, shit, shit." Shepard swears as she dives to the right. She tries to roll as the shock wave of the blasts hits her. She tumbles forward a few yards before getting to her feet, ears ringing. She sees Liara gracefully lowering herself to the ground from the shock wave knocking her flying, wreathed in biotic fire. Vega stands shakily and shakes his head. Barely a breath of time passes before the commandos close in. Sprinting and rolling Shepard evades the mech's machine guns and the commando's attacks. She is vaguely aware of Liara and Vega's conflicts as she is forced to dive again. She keeps backing up, trying to get to the relative safety of the orchard. The asari's attacks keep pushing her forward, not back. Toying with her.

Frustrated, Shepard lobs a turret behind the asari and blasts her with an overload. The asari's barriers flicker as she tries to dodge the turrets deadly accuracy. The bullets chew through her final barriers as Shepard gives her the coup de grace to the head. Another asari steps in quickly. She lifts Shepard fast off the ground, suspending her ten feet in the air. Shepard struggles madly, trying to orient herself to fire down at the asari.

Seeing a blue mass of biotic energy heading her way she swears. "Oh fuck." before her world explodes in blue white agony.

Liara finishes off her second commando with a biotic choke. She turns toward Vega to see he's handling his commando with brute force. Cutting in close so that the asari can't use very much force with her biotics. Instead they fight hand to hand. Turning away from him, he can handle himself, she sees Shepard get lifted off the ground ten feet in the air. Her mouth drops open as the biotic warp collides hard. A sound like a sonic boom echoes across the field as a white star ignites where Shepard was.

Tears stream down her face as Liara rushes madly towards the last commando. She lashes out a biotic whip that lances across the other woman's face, leaving a welt behind. Followed by a biotic shove that sends her to the ground. Liara lifts her into the air and slams her hard down to earth. She hears the dull thunk and crack as the asari goes limp. Without a glance at the woman she killed, Liara runs to the limp form of Shepard. Grasping the scorched armor of Shepard's shoulder she rolls her onto her back.

She gasps as she sees Shepard's skin is scorched nearly black in places, and red in others where some of her still working nanites are repairing the damage. Tears of relief spill down her cheeks when Shepard moans and her eyes flutter. She quickly spreads medigel over the burns on her face and neck.

Pain returns to her senses first. Which is good and bad. Pain means you're alive. But she feels like she just got blasted by a dozen suns at once. The skin on her face and neck sting like the worst sun burn in history. A persistent itch creeps along the surface of her face, at the edges of the painful places. Her entire leftt side is numb. That's not good.

A groan escapes her as she is shifted, she feels her back against the ground. The pressure raises more itching along her spine. Grass tickling? No, she can feel her armor. Perhaps she has burns under her suit too. She flutters her eyes, trying to orient herself. Blue sapphires are gazing at her, ringed in tears.

"Oh, hi." She mutters passed cracked, dry lips.

Liara helps her sit upright. More groans of pain escape her. "Ouch." She mutters, still blinking spots from her eyes. Something is off with her left, it's blurry and white haze drifts in it. "Got any water?" Her head is still dizzy, ears ringing, echoes sounding in her head.

"Here." Vega appears and presses a canteen to her lips. "There ya go." Full awareness returns as the water eases her aching throat. She takes the canteen and upends it over her face. The cool water is a relief to her burns. She looks to Liara.

"How bad?"

"Not as bad as you at your worst." She weakly jokes.

Shepard chuckles as Vega helps her to her feet. The world spins briefly. "Why hasn't the atlas attacked?" She asks, turning around to look back towards the house.

She sees the smoking ruin at the same time Liara says, "Apparently Vega, grenades, and mechs do not mix well."

"Did ya know they keep a fire extinguisher under the belly hatch?"

"Oh gods." She whispers, "What did you do?"

"My asari got a lucky punch on me, her biotics pushed me under the atlas. I couldn't resist when I saw the 'In case of Emergency' hatch with the extinguisher icon on it. One nade, wedged tight, and a tease to the Asari got her running at me and me sprinting as fast as possible the other way."

Shepard shakes her head at Vega's audacity but claps him on the shoulder. "Well done." She looks up at the porch and sees Cato looking down at her, barely suppressed fury on his face.

"What?" She leers at him, "No more back up?"

"Well, paint me green and riddle me with envy. You are one tough bitch."

She grimaces in pain, her left side still numb, and the itching across her right side is driving her crazy. "I'd like to say it runs in the family, but I can see it doesn't."

He grasps the railing on the porch tight, his knuckles going white. "It would seem I'm going to have to finish you myself." He vaults over the railing and lands in the grass. Standing he looks at her with disdain, "I almost feel bad for taking you out while you're crippled. Almost."

She shrugs Liara's arm off hers and steps forward, assuming a fighter's stance, ignoring her aches and burns. "Are we done dawdling? I don't know who you are, or where my brother went. But I'm done playing games. Fight me, and I'll wipe that greasy smile off your face."

His grin turns to a snarl as he rushes forward. He blasts Liara and Vega with a strong enough force to launch them backward. They lay stunned and unconscious on the grass.

Shepard barely has time to look at them as Cato lunges in, his fist drawn back shimmering with blue fire. She sidesteps the rush and takes two quick jabs into his kidney. He flinches away, and spins into a roundhouse kick. The heel of his boot connecting with the numb left side of her face. She twists around, star bursts blossoming in her vision. She ducks his follow through punch, and stands up inside his guard. She punches twice. One an upper cut to his chin, the second a full power punch to his nose and forehead. He rocks back away from her. Stumbling he looks up, rage contorting his features. Blood pouring from his nose.

He shakes his head and wipes the blood away. "Cheap shot." He taunts as he dances in close again. He fakes a punch toward her face, then comes in under with a biotic punch to her gut when she blocks his upper punch. She skids away on her back, dazed and fighting to keep control of her stomach. He launches in on top of her, pinning her legs with his knees, her right arm is twisted under her, he's got her left pinned with his right hand. He hauls his free hand back to slam her with biotics.

Knowing that this is going to hurt a lot, she leans as far into the ground as she can, until she has enough leverage to swing up, hitting him with as much force as she can muster. Her brow connects solidly into his already broken nose. She hears the wet crunch of her own nose breaking. She quickly breathes through her mouth as she rises to her feet, blood pours down her throat gagging her. She shakes it from her mind and looks to Cato. He is on his back, on the ground. Fighting not to puke as more blood runs freely from his nose, the corner of one eye, and a cut over his right eyebrow. She can see the slight dent she made on his forehead, it's pale purple blue, and his eyes are glazed over. She kneels down in front of the man who used to be her brother.

He looks at her, all the pain and anger draining from his face. She is looking into the youthful face of her brother once more. She cradles his head in her left arm as she draws her pistol with her right.

She lightly presses the muzzle to his chest, right over his heart. Her amber red eyes meet his glazing amber eyes and she smiles at him. "I love you, find peace with the gods." She whispers, then pulls the trigger. Knowing his death was instant. She pulls him close as tears stream down her cheeks. Truly allowing herself to mourn for her lost brother.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter twenty six

Liara wakes and stands up in time to see Kelly shoot Cato. She carefully walks over, seeing Kelly's shoulders start to shake, then Kelly throws her head back and a wailing scream tears from her throat. Liara hurries her pace, ignoring the pain in her right ankle, doubtless it's broken, but that doesn't matter.

She kneels down in front of Kelly as she stops her scream in a choked sob. She starts rocking back and forth.

Liara reaches out and closes Cato's lifeless staring eyes. She holds Kelly tight, then shifts around beside her, holding Kelly's head on her shoulder. She strokes her hair, and holds her as she sobs and cries the pain out.

Vega stands over Liara, catching her eye, he signals silently to pick up Cato. Liara nods. She pulls Kelly back, easing her hold on her brother. Vega steps in and gently picks him up. Holding him he walks over and lays him on a lounge chair on the porch. He glances back at Shepard and Liara. He prays that Shepard will be ok.

Chinning his mic he radios Cortez. "Hey, Estoban, you read?"

"I got you Vega. What do you need?"

"Do we have a hover stretcher on board the shuttle?"

"Hold a moment." The line goes static fro a few moments, then, "You there?"

"Yeah."

"We have one. Who's hurt?"

"None of us bad enough to need one. We have," he pauses for a moment, trying to come up with the right words. "We have someone to bring back. I'm coming to you."

"Roger that."

"Vega out." He looks to Liara and hand signals he'll be back soon. She nods as he turns away and walks back to the shuttle.

The pain ebbs slowly, allowing her to come back to awareness again. Blearily she looks up into Liara's worried face. "He's gone." She whispers. Tears still stinging her eyes. They track down her cheeks, the salt stinging her burns.

"Yes love." She whispers and leans down to kiss her on the forehead.

Shepard shifts a little, trying to sit up. She wipes a hand over her eyes, forgetting about her nose. She winces and tries not to gag at the pain. Standing unsteadily, she looks out over the field, then turns back to the house. Vega is closing a black body bag. She holds back more tears as she slowly walks up the stairs to the stretcher.

"Can I see him?" She asks as she puts her hand on his, stopping the pull of the zipper.

"Uh, yeah. Sure, Shep." He steps back and looks at Liara as she climbs the stairs limping. "You're hurt. Where?" He helps her sit in one of the chairs.

"Just my ankle, probably broken."

Vega pulls out some medigel. Sliding her boot off he rubs it onto her skin then slides the boot back on. The gel instantly cools and numbs the pain.

"We, um." Shepard turns back to look at them. "There's a, a cemetery here. We should bury him."

Vega, seeing her full on for the first time since the battle started, tries to cover his shock of seeing the left side of her face is all blackened skin, her left eye has a faint white glaze. The cornea tinged pink from bursts blood vessels. Her right side mottled read, white, and black. "We should. Do you know where it is?"

Liara steps next to Shepard and closes the bag softly. "I saw a church a block or two back, towards the shuttle."

Shepard looks down at her, shock leaving her eyes blank. "Yeah, that's good. I bet Mum and, and Da are there too."

It takes very little time for the battered party to make it to the churchyard. In the center is an obelisk that is inscribed with the names of the missing. It is black marble with gold engravings. Shepard walks up to it, finding her brothers name, she takes her boot knife out and starts scratching it off. Once done, she sees Liara and Vega standing in front of a tombstone.

She approaches it wearily. The stretcher with her brother is laying on the grass beside them, on top of an empty plot. She opens the bag enough to fold back the front to see his face. Then she looks to the stone. It has the names, dates of bright and death of her parents. Along with a short inscription. "Preacher's daughter, Mechanic Deputy, find your peace, find your destiny." A small smile tugs at her lips as she reads that. Someone who knew them had put that there. It was kind.

Vega has dug a shallow grave, only four feet or so deep. Shepard regrets not having a coffin for him, but one doesn't really matter. She gives a nod to Liara.

His body shimmers in blue light as Liara lowers him and the bag gently into the grave. Her and Vega cover it with the dirt as Shepard stands and walks away, back to the shuttle.

Shepard sits down in the shuttle, nearly lethargic. Cortez blinks once at seeing her, then dutifully returns to his consoles as Vega and Liara board and sit down.

Liara pulls Shepard down to sit beside her. "How do your burns feel?"

Shepard blinks twice, uncoprehending. "What?"

"Your face love, it's burned, bad. How does it feel?"

She shakes her head to clear it. Compartmentalizing her grief she fights off the shock. She clears her throat once then coughs. Liara hands her a canteen. Emptying it she tries again, "It's been better. The left side is numb. Right hurts, and the middle tingles, where my nose isn't broken. My left eye is seeing funny. Blurred and kinda like a white veil over it."

"Ok." Liara looks closely. "Your left side looks to have third degree burns over the entire side. You're left eye has burst blood vessels, your hair is scorched bad there. Can you hear out of that ear?"

Shepard covers her right ear and turns her head.

Liara speaks into it, "Hear me ok?"

Facing forward again Shepard comments. "Still ringing, but I can hear, vaguely."

"Ok, you're not going to like this. I need to fix your nose before you choke on your own blood."

Shepard grits her teeth, "Go ahead."

Liara reaches out and gently touches her fingers to either side of the break, "I'm sorry." She whispers as she jerks her hands together fast.

Shepard reels back, her eyes widening in pain. She leans forward, "Son of a-" she passes out mid sentence, tumbling to the floor.

Blinking her eyes open blearily she sees lights rushing by above her. Hands are holding her down, one holds a mask to her face. Voices, obscured and distant are loud and arguing. Liara comes into her vision. "Hold...on...love..." her voice, and everything fade into blackness again.

The next time she blinks her eyes open she is laying down. Sunlight dancing across her face, but no warmth comes from it. Her vision clarifies and she is looking out over the presidium. Her left eye still sees blurred with the hazy white.

With an effort of will she turns her head to the right, and sees Liara sitting beside her, head down. "How bad?" She croaks.

Liara's head snaps up, blue eyes intent on Kelly. "Doctor!" She hollers before standing up and holding Kelly's hand. "Hush now. Don't talk."

Kelly gives a weak grin before repeating, "How bad?" in a hoarse groan barely above a whisper.

Liara gives an exasperated smile and her stubborn bondmate. "Could have been a lot worse. You had third degree burns over the left side of your face and neck. Severe second degree burns across the right side. Then first and second across your whole body where armor had melted to your skin. Your nose is broken, again. Chakwas says to stop headbutting things. Eventually you'll hit something harder than you are." Kelly gives a weak grin. "The doctors say you'll need to stay in the burn unit another week, before we can move you back to the Normandy's medbay. It'll be another two or three after that before Chakwas can give the ok to put you back on duty."

Kelly nods, dizziness and sleep tugging at her. "How long," She pauses, trying to catch her thoughts slipping away.

Liara sees Kelly's eyes unfocus, gazing out at nothing. They slowly refocus on her again.

"How long was I, gone?"

"Four days. It was touch and go the first two."

"Oh." Her eyes glaze again. She tries to hold onto a thought. It's important. But it won't stay put in her mind. "Li..there's something..I got to..tell.."

Liara watches her love fight to stay awake, to tell her something. "Hush," she whispers laying a hand on Kelly's lips. "Be still. Rest."

Kelly tries to raise her right hand up to Liara's. It moves slowly, weakly. Not more than an inch or so. Kelly gives up moving it, and turns her head out of Liara's blocking hand. "The..the, tech..its..." She doesn't finish the sentence as sleep finally claims her. Liara shakes her head ruefully at her loves' stubbornness. She turns away at the doctor's hand on her shoulder.

"Don't fret, it's only the effects of the meds. Honestly I'm surprised she surfaced at all. She should be asleep for another three days. Her body needs time to recover."

Liara looks up tiredly at the man. "It's the nanites. Even with most of them out of commission, the rest still fight off anesthesia rapidly. It takes more than you are accustomed to using to sedate."

"Yes, so I heard." He shakes his head, "Tissue repairing nanites. Amazing. I've only ever heard of them in journals and thesis's. I didn't think anyone had mastered them. Not for another ten years."

Liara feels a bit startled through her exhaustion. "They aren't even in an experimental stage?"

"No, not at all. How did she get them? Are the rumors really true?"

"Which rumors?" Liara is too tired to be having this conversation.

"About her actually having been dead, and brought back. Sounds like something out of science fiction vids."

Irritated Liara snaps back, "We're living on a space station millenniums old. We live science fiction."

"I suppose so." he rubs at his chin. "We'll do our best to keep her sedated for a few more days. There's no reason for you to stay twenty four seven. We're clear of the worst of it."

Liara instinctively grasps Kelly's limp hand. "I'm fine right here."

He shrugs and turns to the door. "As you wish." He steps out of the room. Liara returns to her silent vigil. Terrified if she turns away Kelly will slip away.


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter twenty seven

Voices whisper at the back of her mind. Tugging at her. Teasing and inviting. They are both familiar and strange. She cannot make out words. Just indistinct murmurings. Standing on a dry rock outcropping she recognizes Ranoch spread out before her. The hologram of Sovereign and Harbinger hover in front of her.

"Welcome to the fold." Their voices like rakes through her mind. "You have found our calls. Come."

Shaking she takes two steps towards the ledge. Then stops. "No." she stands firm. Then the raking in her mind tugs her forward.

"Come."

She moves shakily forward, her steps shuffling as she fights it. "No." she says firmer. Stopping her steps.

"Come!" they growl in her head. Pain lances from her heart through her body.

She jolts awake. Eyes wide, heart pounding. She's out of breath, gagging around a tube down her throat.

"Hey, hey." A doctor touches her shoulder pressing her back to the bed. He pulls the tube out as she coughs more. "You gave us quite the scare Commander.."

"What.?" Her voice is barely a husky whisper. "What happened? Where am I?"

"You're in Huerta Memorial. What do you remember last?"

"Li, I.." Her thoughts slide away again, like glass. "I was, was talking to her." Her voice trails away as she fights sleep tyring to pull her back under.

"Yes. Your heart rate flat lined. We had to use the defibrillator. Between you and me, let's be glad Dr. T'Soni is not here."

"Oh..." she sighs. Her head nods down to her right, into the pillow. Trying to sleep. She jerks it up again. Eyes rolling the other way. Lazily focusing on the windows to her left. The light twinkles at her off the lake below, "Li." she whispers.

"Shepard." The doctor calls her name.

She rolls her gaze back to him, "So, tired."

"I know." he lays a hand on her shoulder. "Rest. There's time to talk later."

She lets her eyes close again.

This time when she rises from sleep, it's quick and clear. Not blurred by drugs. She opens her eyes to see Liara asleep on the chair besides her. A smile creases Kelly's face as she gazes at her love. "Li." She whispers. Liara stirs slightly before settling again. Kelly fights to push herself higher in the bed, more up right. "Li." she says louder.

Liara jerks awake. Rising to Kelly's side. "Hey love." She cups Kelly's face. "How are you feeling?"

"Better." Kelly leans her head to the right, into Liara's hand. "Told ya I'd always come back." She weakly brings her right hand up to stroke Liara's hand on her cheek.

Liara laughs, then leans down to Kelly, kissing her forehead. "Surviving a biotic explosion wasn't something I ever had in mind."

"Yeah. Me either." She leans back into the bed as Liara elevates it up so she's sitting upright. "Between you and me, lets not do that again."

"I think we have a deal."

Kelly grins, feeling the tightness on her left side, and a numb tingle on the right. "How bad am I?"

"You'll have some nice scars. They took the bandages off yesterday." Liara tries at being teasing. But her eyes betray her worry. She's holding a small mirror in her lap. "Do you, want to see?"

Kelly steels her mind, then nods. "Yeah, I would."

Liara hands her the mirror. Her hand trembles slightly as she lifts the mirror, her muscles feel like jelly. Liara helps her steady the mirror and raise it up.

Kelly looks steadily at her reflection. Her expression blank. The left side of her face looks like jerky. Wrinkled and and mostly blackened skin, bare traces of the red of nanites futilely trying to repair the damage. Her nose has faint blue bruising ringing it. The bridge of it is pressed nearly flat to her eyes, the cartilage in the tip is thin, making her normal, slightly plump nose smashed back. Her right side fared a little better. Glistening red skin stretches back to her ear. The corner of her eye has the black of dead tissue, her eyes are slightly bloodshot. The left has a faint white veil over it, the cornea almost solid red/pink of burst blood vessels. Her shoulder length hair is charred at the lowest two inches. Crisp strands that are a mockery of the copper red above them. On her left side a two inch wide stretch of skin is exposed to the hairline over her ear. The hair there completely gone.

The burns continue down her shoulders. A macabre of red and blisters trailing along her veins. They extend under the V collar of the grey scrubs she is wearing. She looks to her hands and sees them there as well. Her palms are callused and blistered.

She clears her throat, setting the mirror down, "Well. I've certainly looked better."

Liara is concerned by her lack of emotion, "I love you all the same."

"Oh, I know." She looks up to Liara, a small smile on her lips. "I'm alright. Any word from Miranda?"

"Not yet. She is still going through research she says."

Kelly nods, looking out over the Presidium, turning away from Liara. She is silent for awhile. Thinking on the dream that had woken her before, and Cato's words.

"Liara." she says after a bit. Still looking away. "What if Cato was right?"

"About what?" Liara steps around to stand on Kelly's left side, leaning back against the bed. She looks out over the Presidium too.

"The Reaper tech. It makes sense."

"He was mad Kelly." Liara says, not unkindly. "Traumatized by slavery and demented by Cerberus. He had personal guidance from The Illusive Man himself. I'm certain if we had looked, he would have had Reaper tech and been indoctrinated."

"That's just it. First Cerberus puts tech in Grayson, then Kai Leng, Cato too. What's to say that they didn't put something in me? Small, just enough for their needs, but not enough to indoctrinate me?"

"Kelly, you're being paranoid, listening to the ramblings of mad men." Liara worries that Kelly's idea may have some truth in it, after hearing the doctor tell her about nanites still being a dream of modern medicine.

"How do we know?"

"Surely Chakwas or Miranda would have seen if Reaper tech had been put in you. Remember, she pushed for a control chip and The Illusive Man vetoed her."

"Exactly. Maybe because he already had something in there."

Liara sighs, exasperated. "That doesn't make any sense. Miranda told us she spent nearly every waking minute with you."

"Every _waking_ minute." Kelly counters, "What about when she wasn't there?"

"Kelly. This is crazy. You're talking nonsense. You haven't been indoctrinated, there isn't any Reaper tech in you."

"Liara!" She yells, startling her lover, "I _hear _them. Every relapse I've had, they've been there."

Liara steps back, shocked, "Who's been there? Who did you hear?"

"Harbinger, Sovereign. They've been there, talking to me. Every time."

"Why didn't you tell me this?"

"I didn't want to upset you. And it makes sense now. I thought before it was just hallucinations. But it's not. That's why only I can hear them, talk to them, feel them near. I am connected to them."

Liara tries to disbelieve, but it all makes sense, except one thing. "If you were indoctrinated. Why did you hate them so much? How could you destroy them if you were?"

Kelly pinches her nose in thought, forgetting about the sensitive bruising around break. Wincing she drops her hand. "Because, it must just be a small piece, enough to make the nanites work, but not enough or full indoctrination. Its like, maybe an access point. They can get into my head, but can't control me."

Liara leans back against the window, arms crossed over her chest. She looks reproachfully at Kelly, "Will you knock it off? You are not indoctrinated."

Kelly just looks at her silently, her face set and stubborn. "It makes sense. Do you think I _want_ to have this be true?"

"Of course not. But you just woke up from a full week in a coma. You're not thinking fully, logically."

Kelly turns away from Liara as much as the bed and her weak body will allow. "I'm not crazy. Go away. I'm tired."

Liara starts to argue, but the tense scowl on Kelly's face deters her. She sighs in frustration and walks out of the room.

Kelly slaps the pillow as she presses the left side of her face into it. She pulls the pillow over her mouth and muffles her scream of frustration and pain.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter twenty eight

Two weeks later sees Shepard holing up on the Normandy in her cabin. She refuses to see anyone, Liara included, for anything other than business related to duty. Her and Liara haven't spoken a word other than tense exchanges as needed in the halls.

The realization that dawned on her in the hospital still plagues her thoughts. Refusing to leave her be. Every idea she turns over in her head, every theory she tries, none make as much sense, as the tech.

Word came from Miranda two days ago that she found a way to repair the nanites. She'll be on the Citadel in another day or two. The Normandy is still tied up at dock to meet her. The news gave Shepard only a moment's comfort before the thoughts that Miranda's work is tainted by this unknown Reaper piece in her. To top off all the things going wrong, the dreams have returned. Her nights plagued by the whispers of the dead and Reapers in her head. Blissfully it's only voices. No sights, sounds, or smells. But they leave her restless and tired come morning. If she knew who she could talk to, it might help. But if Liara doesn't believe her. Who will?

Restlessness getting the best of her she chimes up Garrus. "Garrus, Shepard here."

"Garrus here. What's up Shepard?"

"Would you meet me in the cargo bay? I feel the need for some exercise."

"You sure you're up to it?"

"I'm fine. Will you meet me or not?"

"Sure Shepard. Garrus out."

She steps away from her private terminal and takes the lift down to the cargo hold. She is wearing simple loose pants and a tank and hoodie. Technically still on Limited Light Duty until Chakwas gives the ok. But the tension is killing her. Resting has never been her strong suit.

Garrus steps off the lift shortly after she has begun stretches in the middle of the bay.

He steps up to her and just flexes his back. "You ready?"

She settles into her fighting stance, "Ready as ever."

They dance through a variable of fighting sets. Each warming up and getting loosened up. No real fight going on. Just moving. It's all she wants. No all out combat like Vega and Cato. Just movement. Her, her opponent, and her thoughts.

After it's done, and they are both sweating heavily and slightly panting, she extends her hand to him, "Thanks. You dance as well as ever."

He grins shaking her hand. "Never as good as you." He rubs a towel over his face as he walks away.

Shepard wipes her own face, then as she flexes her back and rolls her neck, she sees Liara standing by the weapons bench, looking at her. Her expression impossible to read. Draping her towel over her shoulders she walks past Liara without a glance. Once in the lift EDI chimes her on the comm.

"Shepard, Miranda Lawson is at the airlock for you."

"That was fast." she mutters to herself. Then speaks to EDI, "Thank you. Let her in, and tell her I'm on my way." She selects the CIC and continues to dry her sweat as the lift stops and the doors slide open.

She sees Miranda talking to Traynor at the console. "Hello Miranda." The black haired woman turns. Kelly is once more slightly alarmed at the woman's beauty. She can't help it. It's always happened since she first laid eyes on the woman. She's learned to ignore it.

Miranda gives Shepard the once over with her eyes. "You've been busy Shepard. Damaging my product as usual."

The women clasp hands and pull into a hug. Shepard steps back and turns to the lift. "You know me. Always leaping first before checking the landing."

Miranda lifts the case she bought from the deck by Traynor and claps Shepard on the shoulder. As the lifts doors close she turns to the woman. "You've gotten yourself looking mighty hideous this time."

Shepard always like Miranda for her 'no-nonsense' ways. She never hides the truth and has a wicked sense of sarcastic humor. "Yeah well, I figured you needed a new challenge." They step off the lift and walk to the medbay. Shepard steps to the side, letting Miranda walk in first.

"You never disappoint Shepard."

Stepping into the medbay Shepard looks to the other woman in the room, Chakwas stands and shakes Miranda's hand, "Good to see you again, Miranda. How's Oriana?"

Miranda sets her case by one of the bio beds. "She's doing well, thanks." She begins laying out tools on a tray.

"How long is this going to take Miranda?" Shepard asks as she sits on the edge of the bio bed.

"The surgery will be a few hours long, I'm going to have to put you under."

Shepard nods, "Sure, makes sense. And recovery?"

"You won't be out of action. Should just be slight tenderness and discomfort. Like a really bad sunburn."

"Oh joy." She groans, laying back on the bed. "Get it over with. I"m tired of looking like I went through a broiler."

"Considering it was a Biotic explosion, I'm surprised you're even alive."

"Ha, yeah, I still wonder about that myself. Guess your improvements to me are pretty bad ass."

Miranda chuckles and puts the needle to Shepard's arm. "I'm fairly certain you're the bad ass."

Shepard grins as sleep takes over.

Coming back awake, the first thing she notices is the white fog is gone from her left eye. She reaches a hand up to feel it and sees the skin on her hand is soft and slightly red. Touching her eye, the skin feels puffy. But not dry and leathery as it has been.

Miranda steps over to look at her. "How are you feeling?"

"Pretty good. Got a mirror?" Miranda hands her one, a smug smile on her face. "You take entirely too much pride in me." Shepard says turning the mirror around to face her. She smooths her hand over the pink, slightly puffy skin. It looks close to what she got used to after she woke up from Lazarus. Her eyes no longer have the red glow, the corneas are back to their normal white. A slight glimmer of the nanites' spider webs shimmer just under the skin on her left side. She hands the mirror back. "Impressive. Thanks."

"Glad to help. Can't have my masterpiece staying damaged. The nanites will fade on your left side in a day or two. The damage there was the worst."

Kelly stands up, shaking the last of the drugs from her mind. She shakes Miranda's hand. "Thanks again. Don't be a stranger, alright?"

"No problem Shepard. See you again soon." She leaves the medbay with her case.

"Shepard?" Chakwas asks from her desk, "Liara stopped by to see you."

"I figured." She says coolly.

"I don't know what's come between you two, and I don't even want to begin to guess. But you need to make it right."

Shepard glares at her, "It's nothing. A conflict of interests."

Chakwas actually snorts and returns Shepard's glare. "You two have gone through hell more times than I care to count. Quit being stubborn and go talk to her."

Shepard starts to argue, then closes her mouth and walks out. Walking to the mess, she sits at a table. Absently rubbing at her healed face. Sometime later she sees Liara come out from her quarters.

Liara doesn't look toward the tables, she just goes to the kitchen and gets a cup of tea. Turning away she catches Shepard's eyes. Stopping, both women look silently at each other for a few moments before Liara walks over and sits down.

Both women start talking at the same time.

"Look Li-"

"Kelly I'm-"

"I'm sorry." they echo of each other. They both blush and look down. When Kelly looks up at Liara, she opens her mouth to speak.

Liara holds up her hand, "I'll go first. I'm sorry, for not listening to you, for not believing you. I know you are not irrational and don't jump to conclusions. I should never have doubted you."

Kelly sighs, "Thanks, I'm sorry for being obstinate and avoiding you. I shouldn't have let you go out of that room."

"I shouldn't have let you throw me out." Liara smiles wryly at her.

"I wouldn't say I threw you so much as I didn't give you a choice." Kelly extends her hand across the empty space between them. "You forgive me?" She raises one eyebrow at her.

Liara grasps her hand then pulls Kelly close. She whispers in her ear, "There's nothing to forgive." She turns her head and kisses Kelly's cheek.

Kelly leans back, surprised. Then dips in to capture Liara's lips with hers. They share a kiss so full of passion that when they pull away both women are short of breath. "Well, I forgive you too."

Liara, still holding Kelly's hand, draws her to her feet. They walk together to the lift.

Liara's turns toward Kelly in the lift. Face serious. "How are you doing?"

"You mean, the dreams?"

"Yeah. Are they,"

Kelly interrupts, "The Reapers? Yes, they're still there. Only voices, indistinct." She steps off the lift as it stops. Releasing Liara's hand she walks to the door to the head. Leaning against it, arms crossed over her chest.

"How are you holding up?" Liara sits down in the desk chair. Looking up at Kelly.

She shrugs her shoulders, "I dunno. I'm not sleeping well, but I'm not feeling overwhelmed like before. It's more like just very vague, ghosts of a whisper." She shrugs again, pushing off the wall, she walks over to stand by the steps. Pacing slightly.

Liara stands and stops her mid pace. Her back to the fish tank, the blue glow plays over Kelly's face. "We'll find something. Surely with the Prothean war going so long, maybe out there somewhere is another Ilos. A place where they worked on Indoctrination."

Kelly pulls Liara's forehead to her own, a wicked gleam in her eye, her lopsided grin making Liara's heart skip a beat. She pulls Liara down the few steps to the bedside. "Any ideas for any relief in the meantime?" Kelly asks, her voice a husky murmur in Liara's ear.

Liara gasps as Kelly strokes her crest. "Perhaps some positive reinforcement? Something to keep your mind occupied?"

"Have any good ideas?" She whispers, kissing Liara at the base of her neck.

Liara can hardly think. "Well maybe a couple. Physical therapy is always good."

Shepard smiles as she lays Liara on to her back, pressing her back into the covers as she removes her tank. "Then we had best get started." She leans down and kisses Liara, rewarded for her efforts with a deep moan from her bondmate.

"Life and love go on." Liara whispers as they tumble, mind and body, into ecstasy.

END


End file.
